


To all the boys I've loved before

by riceballs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Mild Language, To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU, jaeyong is the only ship tagged but there will be other taeyong ships mentioned!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2019-11-29 01:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18216161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riceballs/pseuds/riceballs
Summary: In his lifetime, Taeyong has fallen in love exactly five times. Given his introverted personality, his plan was that none of the five would find out about his feelings - ever. Unfortunately for him, fate doesn't work that way.





	1. Dear...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jumping on the 'to all the boys i've loved before' hype train like... almost a year after it came out. 
> 
> parts of this fic is inspired from the book, so slight spoiler alert for anyone who didn't see/read it.

Taeyong’s life ended the moment he saw Taeil walk up his porch and knock on his front door, a cream colored envelope with familiar cursive handwriting in his hands.

 

In some humorously ironic twist of fate, it was the exact envelope that Taeyong had been frantically searching for twenty minutes ago. Jeno always was joking that Taeyong was the picture next to the dictionary definition of clean, but for as neat and tidy that Taeyong was, he was just as forgetful, nearly ripping up his house in search for his mother’s jewelry box, which was filled with the five secrets Taeyong vowed to never share to the world. He had checked everywhere in his room, Jeno’s room, his dad’s room even, and was slowly working his way through their living room when in a split second glance on the window, he saw the object of his frenzy in what was possibly the worst hands possible.

 

“Jeno, don’t open the door-” Taeyong hissed, but it was too late, Jeno already pulling it open with a wide smile. Taeyong loved his brother, he really did. But sometimes it amazed him how much Jeno was the cause of all the problems in his life, the latest one being the smirk on his face as he let Taeil in, a knowing grin that only made Taeyong want to throttle his brother.

 

 

 

 

 

It was the same look he gave him five days ago as well, during one of their weekly movie nights where Taeyong had mistakenly commented on his love life - or rather, lack of. Usually they wouldn’t be watching a romcom, given that Jeno hated anything not action and Taeyong was too much a good brother to say no to another superhero movie. That night however, Jaemin had been joining them, and Jeno had just as much a lack of resolve at saying no to Jaemin and his love for cliche love stories. And that was what led them to that night, with Taeyong and Jaemin huddled close to each other, squealing at every other scene with Jeno rolled his eyes at them both.

 

“Do you really enjoy events like this? ‘Cause just letting you know, I’m not buying you 100 roses for any occasion whatsoever.” Jeno had commented, stuffing popcorn into his mouth.

 

Jaemin scoffed, swatting at Jeno. “Of course not! It’s only romantic in the movies, if you even try and dare do something cheesy like that I’ll break up with you on the spot.” He answered, leaning back into Taeyong’s shoulder.

 

“Well I wouldn’t mind,” Taeyong said dreamily. “I like the idea of getting a rose every day.” Jeno looked over with a mischievous smile.

 

“And what poor unfortunate soul has the honor of doing that for you?” He said. Taeyong elbowed his brother.

 

“Shut up Jeno, you know I’m not dating anyone right now!” He answered. Jaemin pouted at this, lightly shoving his foot into Jeno as well, before turning his attention to Taeyong.

 

“Taeyong, if you ever need some help talking to someone you like, you know you can ask me right? Jeno is useless I know-” Jeno sat up to protest but Jaemin just bumped his leg into Jeno’s stomach again, shutting him up. “-but I don’t mind setting you up on a date or anything! Is there anyone you want to get to know from school?”

 

Taeyong chuckled at Jaemin’s enthusiasm. It always surprised him how someone like Jaemin - a bright and extroverted popular boy - got together with his brother Jeno, who was popular in his own way but far more introverted and closed off with strangers. But maybe that was the magic of love, something that could connect even the most different of people.

 

He ruffled Jaemin’s hair, smiling down at the other. “Thanks for the offer, but honestly, even if there was someone, they probably wouldn’t know who I was anyways, and wouldn’t be interested. Trying to set me up would just be really awkward for you.”

 

Don’t say that Taeyong,” Jaemin pouted. “You’re a catch and you know it!” Even Jeno was nodding in agreement, all teasing gone from his face.

 

Taeyong smiled at them again. The two of them could be annoying yes, but he loved his brother and Jaemin more than anything especially at times like this.

 

Pulling Jaemin closer to him, snuggling the younger into his shoulder. “You’re the best Jaemin, I love you so much,” he smirked at his brother. “How did you get stuck with a brat like Jeno is beyond me-” a pillow sent straight for his face cut him off, Jeno’s furious pout making both Jaemin and Taeyong laugh. Jaemin moved off of Taeyong’s shoulder and cuddled up to Jeno instead, playing with his hair to placate him for Taeyong’s statement, and Taeyong’s heart warmed at the gesture. Jaemin and Jeno sometimes seemed like such a mismatched couple, but Taeyong knew that there was no one better a fit then Jaemin for his brother.

 

Later that night, after the movie was over and popcorn was finished, his brother and Jaemin had excused themselves to Jeno’s room (“Door open!” Taeyong had warned to Jaemin’s amusement and Jeno’s embarrassment), leaving Taeyong alone in his own room. He pulled out a small jewelry box - the last memento his mother had given to him before she passed away, and looked inside for his most precious secrets.

 

They were love letters that he poured his heart into, each written when a crush that Taeyong had on someone became so intense that he felt the need to do something about it.

 

Pulling out the envelopes, he smiled softly at the memories they brought him. There were five in total. His neighbor who he’d practically grown up with, the stoic debate team member who secretly had a heart of gold, the energetic transfer student with the bright smile, the basketball team vice captain and most popular boy in school, and finally, one of his best friends who could never ever _ever_ find out about Taeyong’s crush.

 

No one else knew about them, and Taeyong had wanted to keep it that way. It wasn’t even the embarrassment of the contents of the letters reaching the eyes of the intended receivers - thought Taeyong wasn’t sure he’d be able to ever recover from a mess up like that. No, it was the fact that his letters were his most precious secrets - words that came straight from his heart and soul onto paper. Words that Taeyong could never see himself saying out loud to anyone, especially not to the ones who they were for.

 

It wasn’t that Taeyong didn’t crave romance, he did. Maybe because it was how happy Jeno and Jaemin were, or how in love his two best friends - Johnny and Ten - always appeared, but a part of him always had longed for a relationship like theirs of his own.

 

But he was afraid. What he told Jaemin wasn’t a lie. Even if there was someone he could imagine dating, he was afraid of the actual thing. Really dating someone was much different than any of his fantasies, and a part of him was always afraid of the expectations that would come with it. He wasn’t entirely popular, and not at all outgoing - always preferring his homebody lifestyle as opposed to parties and other social gatherings. And, well, he knew he was handsome, but a person’s personality was always far more important in relationships - something that Taeyong was scared any future partners would find his own boring.

 

And that’s why his letters remained hidden, his own way of making his fantasies somewhat real, but never going further than just words on a page.

 

“Hey Taeyong?” Taeyong jumped slightly, whipping around in slight fear. Jaemin stood guiltily in his doorway. “I’m sorry to bother you, but Jeno fell asleep but my mom wanted me to get home soon-”

 

“Hey, don’t apologize,” Taeyong smiled. He placed his letters back into his jewelry box and closed it, grabbing his keys from his dresser. “I’ll drive you back okay?”

 

 

 

 

 

That had been the last time he’d seen his letters. Taeyong hardly ever took his box out, and the only times he ever opened them was to either put a letter in, or on the rare occasions where he felt lonely from being single and wanted to see them. Besides the night after watching the romcom with Jaemin and Jeno, he could only think of one other moment that had happened, when he was drunkenly crying over his letters after a party the summer of junior year. Taeyong didn’t really remember anything from that night, only that he woke up the next morning with dried tears on his face and a new letter in hand.

 

But other then that, Taeyong couldn’t remember a single other time where he would take his box out from the back of his drawer. He didn’t remember telling anyone at all about the letters either - not even his brother or best friends.

 

So then how - he thought desperately to himself, as Taeil walked in with a slight look of embarrassment, playing nervously with the envelope in his hand - how in the world did Taeil ever get his?

 


	2. Taeil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first letter: his neighbor who he’d practically grown up with

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you get a double update my apologies ;; something went wrong with posting it lol so i had to delete and repost this chapter

Taeyong couldn’t remember when he first met Taeil. In a way, it felt like he had always known the elder, having grown up next door to him almost all his life. He had always been a big brother to both him and Jeno, even at times acting as a surrogate mother despite only being a year older than Taeyong.

 

Yet Taeyong could tell you exactly when he fell in love. It was a Valentine’s day back in elementary school, where his teacher had everyone draw a heart and pick a chocolate bar and told them to give it to someone else in the class. All the boys were egging Taeyong on to put it on Seulgi’s desk because she was the prettiest girl and he was the most handsome boy and “obviously you should go together!” - but Taeyong didn’t understand because he wanted to give it to Kun instead because he thought Kun was prettier, except they told him “You can’t give it to a boy, you have to give it to a girl!”

 

And he went home and had sat next to Taeil and asked if something was wrong with him for wanting to give his chocolate to a boy instead of a girl, and Taeil had smiled and hugged him and told him there was nothing wrong with that, and that he should give it to whoever he wanted too! And in that moment with Taeil’s caring eyes looking down at him and a bright smile on his face, Taeyong didn’t want to give his chocolate and heart to Kun or to Seulgi or to anyone else but Taeil.

 

(He still gave it to Kun anyways - and Kun gave him a big hug and a high five before they went to go play kickball with the others. And maybe Taeyong sneakily took another chocolate piece from his teachers desk and gave it to Taeil later that day, who gave him an even bigger hug and split the chocolate into three for him, Taeyong and Jeno to share.)

 

Taeyong didn’t write the letter to Taeil until the summer before his last year of middle school. It had been movie night at the Lee house, with Taeil joining them after bringing a dinner from his mom for the two boys. Taeil told Taeyong to pick what to see, so they were watching a romcom much to Jeno’s chagrin. He had been complaining all throughout the night, sprawled over Taeil’s lap as he made sarcastic comments every chance he could, while Taeyong constantly shoved his arm into Jeno’s side to shut him up.

 

Taeil had only laughed at them instead - chiding Jeno to pay attention so that he would know what to do whenever he started dating, to which Jeno responded _but i’m never going to date anyone, that’s gross!_

 

(Two weeks later he met Jaemin).

 

Taeyong doesn’t even remember what the movie was about; all high school romances tend to be the same predictable story played over anyways. What he did remember however, was when Taeil had offhandedly commented how getting love letters (much like the main character had received in the film) would be a nice gesture.

 

It wasn’t even just the fact that Taeil mentioned wanting one, or how Taeyong’s small crush on Taeil had only grown over the years of hanging out with the other. Taeyong was no stranger to romantic cliches, his mother being a romance author who would often dreamily share her stories with Taeyong at bedtime. They had stuck with him even after she passed, the last lingering memories of her manifesting itself into Taeyong’s own romantic fantasies, letter writing being one of them.

 

And maybe Taeyong was feeling a little bit bold after that night, sitting at his desk with pen and paper in hand, pouring out his feelings onto paper. He took one of his father’s fancy envelopes from his office, folding his stationery paper into threes and sliding it into the envelope, proudly writing Taeil’s name and address in cursive in the front. It took a few days for Taeyong to work up the courage to actually send it, but the weekend after, Taeyong woke up bright and early, with the resolve to finally give his letter to the Taeil.

 

And he had walked out of his house, a bright grin on his face, heading straight for Taeil’s doorstep, where Taeil was pressing a kiss into a girl’s cheek, a red blush on his face.

 

That day, Taeil introduced his girlfriend Wendy to Taeyong and Jeno, inviting the two to join the couple for breakfast. They went to a nearby diner, where she let Taeyong pick a song from the old jukebox and laughed at all of Jeno’s jokes. Afterward - when Taeil had walked the two brothers home - he and Wendy went off to the movie theaters for a date, Jeno had gone to his dad’s study to brag about the nice girl Taeil was dating, and Taeyong went straight to his room, angrily pulling out his empty jewelry box given to him by his mother, stuffing the letter in, and shoving the box into the back of his drawer, where it stayed. He never mentioned it to anyone at all, and even after Wendy moved away, he still never gave it to Taeil.

\----

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong peeked over at Taeil, who was sitting on their couch in a plaid shirt and jeans, nervously fiddling with the letter in his hands. Jeno had long gone - probably to gossip with Jaemin or something - leaving the two in awkward silence. Taeyong figured he should probably start talking. It was his letter after all.

 

“Look, about the letter,” he began, looking anywhere but at Taeil’s face. “Just- look I- it was a long time ago-”

 

“Hey Taeyong, don’t worry. You don’t have to explain, I understand.” Taeyong paused.

 

“Wait, what? But, I mean-” Taeil chuckled softly.

 

“You were pretty thorough in this-” he held the letter up, “-so it wasn’t that hard to like, figure out it was a love letter.” Taeyong groaned, leaning back into his couch, his hands covering his face in embarrassment. Taeil let out another laugh, and Taeyong peeked through his fingers to see the infamous Taeil smile that always made everything better. The awkwardness was still there, but Taeil didn’t seem annoyed or uneasy, so Taeyong’s shoulder’s dropped in relief.

 

“I mean, like, I wasn’t going to bring it up unless you said something first, but I was thinking about it, and, judging by the contents you probably wrote this around the time I was dating Wendy, and now I feel like you probably meant to give this to me but I probably blew you off ‘cause I was with her and I felt bad and-”

 

“Hey hey hey, don’t worry about it.” Taeyong cut in, lightly shoving Taeil over. “It was just a little boy crush, I moved on like… a week after I wrote it. Realized guys like you weren’t my type anyways.”

 

“Hey now, I’m a pretty good catch.” Taeil fake pouted and Taeyong giggled, the uncomfortable aura between them completely evaporating. It was always embarrassing for someone to find out about a crush when they were never supposed too, but Taeyong was glad Taeil was the first boy he ever liked.

 

“But really, thanks for the letter. It does feel pretty good to get a letter like this-” he handed the envelope back to Taeyong, ”-even if I’m pretty sure I was never supposed to read it.” Taeyong groaned.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know how they all got out, I thought I hid them-”

 

“Wait, I’m not the only one you wrote a letter too?” Taeyong nodded and Taeil sighed exaggeratedly. “Wow, way to make a boy feel special.” He laughed though, and Taeyong knew it wasn’t said with malice. “Who else did you write one too?”

 

Taeyong scoffed. “As if I’ll tell you that,” he said. “Let’s just say if those letters really all got sent out, I don’t think I can ever face anyone in the world ever again.”

 

“Let me guess, you sent one to Johnny right?” Taeil smirked. Taeyong shoved him, slight panic in his eyes.

 

“You’re wrong, I didn’t.”

 

“Sure…” Taeil started, but didn’t push on. Silence fell upon them again, and while Taeil had helped ease some of the Taeyong’s agitation, a part of him started to worry again. There were still four letters somewhere out in the world, and Taeyong honestly had no idea where and when they would get to the receivers.

 

Taeil nudges Taeyong slightly, turning his way. “Given your panicked look, I’m guessing I was the only one who’s said anything at this point, right?” Taeyong nodded. “How many others?”

 

“Four.”

 

“Damn Taeyong…” Taeil whistled, leaning back into the couch. He turned towards Taeyong, slight concern etched on his face.

 

“How do you plan to confront the others?”

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong’s plan? He was going to hide from the other four and never face them. Ever.

 

That was what he was doing right that moment, taking up residence in the science section of the library, quietly stowing away books in the corner. No one ever went to the school library in the first place, and some of the science books were even collecting dust - making this the best place to stay for the rest of Taeyong’s life.

 

Honestly, if there was anything that could be worse then the five letters getting out, was the fact that two of the receivers were in the same school with Taeyong. If Taeil had been the only one that still lived nearby him, Taeyong’s problems would have been solved almost immediately. Unfortunately, there was still the possibility of running into another receiver at any time, and Taeyong was sure with his luck - there would be a lot more explaining and embarrassment to come when confronting them then there was with Taeil.

 

So there Taeyong sat, pulling books off the shelves only to reshelve them, his mind a million miles away as he tried to figure out _how_ his letters got out in the first place.

 

Taeyong was pretty sure he kept them secret from everyone, hiding the box in the back of his dresser and never telling anyone that he wrote them. It might have been a mistake, he thought to himself. Maybe he did accidentally leave them on the dresser, and maybe his dad had seen them, thought they were actually supposed to be sent out, and brought them to the post office. It seemed plausible, except for the fact that he rarely took them out of the jewelry box in the first place, and his father didn’t step into his room without asking anyways.

 

There was only one other possibility - the first one that came to his mind. The night of a party his junior year, and one of the few times that Taeyong took out his letters. The whole night was a blur, and the only thing Taeyong knew for sure was he woke up the next morning with another letter written that he didn't remember. Except Taeyong was pretty sure his drunk self wouldn't betray him either, leading him back to square one.

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out, Taeyong saw another message from Johnny, and quietly gulped. Johnny and Ten were probably both looking for him, considering they always ate lunch together, given that was their only shared period of the day. Usually lunch was the highlight of school for Taeyong, but on top of everything else he was panicking over, Taeyong didn’t need the added stress of being around the two.

 

He had known Ten since middle school, and Taeyong had met Johnny his first year of high school. When Ten entered high school the next year, Taeyong was glad that his two best friends got along well, and the three of them were the closest trio Taeyong had ever been a part of.

 

But then they started dating.

 

Taeyong was happy for them, he really was. But he also wasn’t sure how he belonged in their small group anymore. They didn’t stop hanging out as a group, from basketball games, to Ten’s dance competitions, even parties that he would get dragged too even if he wasn’t much of a party person. And well, Taeyong was grateful. He was shy and introverted, meaning he didn’t have that many deep relationships with other people besides Johnny and Ten. But at the same time, there was always the undeniable awkwardness of being a third wheel to a couple who was always consciously making an effort to include him.

 

Plus, now, there was the issue of his letters. Which led to the reason he was hiding in the dustiest section of their library at that very moment, crouching in the corner.

 

“Hey Taeyong? Can I talk to you for a second?” Taeyong froze. He gulp, slowly looking up, but still not daring to look the person in the face at all.  

 

What came into view first was a familiar dark green varsity jacket, the one that the basketball team used. Johnny had one, except it has virtually become Ten’s instead by this point. On the left chest was the school logo, and, since Taeyong had seen Ten wearing it so many times, he expected to see _Seo_ printed on the right.

 

But it wasn’t. Instead, the last name printed instead made Taeyong scramble to his feet in horror, blinking rapidly in shock.

 

Because a basketball jacket with _Jung_ written on it could only meant one person.

 

It was Jaehyun who stared back at him. Jaehyun Jung, arguably the most popular boy of their school, who’s dimpled smile and bright personality made him a hit with both the male and females of their school population. Being on the basketball team also was a big plus, with rumors that his skills were unrivaled and his physical form was to die for. Not that Taeyong was ever looking of course.

 

In fact, one could make the argument that Jaehyun had no flaws, except perhaps the fact that he was failing math. Taeyong only knew this because he was assigned to be Jaehyun’s tutor last year, but in the span of three months, Jaehyun only showed up once, twenty minutes late, and with the wrong textbook.

 

However, beyond that, Taeyong hardly had any interaction with the other, which meant that there was only one other reason Jaehyun would be looking for Taeyong. A quick glance at his hand told Taeyong his instinct was correct, as he gulped nervously at the sight of a light green envelope. He suddenly feels like fainting, like throwing up, like doing anything that could get him out of this exact moment in his life.

 

In a hurry, he grabbed one of the books from the shelf, holding it protectively between him and Jaehyun. “If you’re looking for a specific book, you should check with the librarian first, or use one of the computers to find the call number-”

 

“Ah… yeah, I’m not here for a book, Taeyong.” Jaehyun chuckled awkwardly. “So like… I- well- I got this in the mail the yesterday and-”

 

He held the letter up, and Taeyong’s heart dropped. If he had even a sliver of hope that maybe it was only Taeil’s letter that was accidentally sent, and the rest were just buried somewhere in his closet, that was definitely gone now. Two of five reaching the addresses was not a good sign, and with a sinking feeling Taeyong now knew for sure that his letters were out, and his life had just become an out-of-control mess.

 

“-and well like it’s not a big deal; but at the same time you called me an insufferable jock who was definitely going to fail math, and I wasn’t sure really if this was a love letter or you were sending me hate mail or something-” Jaehyun was still going on, but Taeyong knew he needed to get out of this as painlessly as possible. Not to mention his phone had started buzzing again; probably Ten or Johnny trying to call him, and he didn’t need to deal with the two of them on top of whatever problems that Jaehyun was going to give him right now.

 

“Listen-” Taeyong cuts off Jaehyun. “I wrote that like, a long _long_ time ago- like, years ago actually-”

 

“Really?” Because you tutored me last year and you mentioned that in your letter since I was apparently going to need a 'miracle just to scrape by'-”

 

“Oh my gosh you memorized it.” Taeyong groaned, returning the book he had been clutching in his arms to the shelf and turning the corner to the other side. Jaehyun followed him.

 

“I didn’t memorize it, just, you are a very… detailed writer you know-” Taeyong could see Jaehyun trying not to grin, and his heart dropped. He didn’t want to believe that Jaehyun was that mean but...

 

“Did you tell the rest of your jock friends? Am I now the locker room joke?” Jaehyun’s smile dropped.

 

“I’m not that big of a jerk Taeyong, even though you apparently think I am.” Jaehyun snapped back. Seeing Taeyong suddenly bite his lip in embarrassment, Jaehyun exhaled guiltily. “Okay, look, sorry, I really didn’t mean to make it seem like I’m making fun of you or anything. I just tend to make jokes out of things when I shouldn’t. This was nice honestly, I’ve never gotten like- a love letter before. Just- I was just really confused why you would send me one of all people, like- I mean, it was nice but like so out of nowhere-”

 

Taeyong shoulders dropped in defeat. “I didn’t mean to send it to you, my letters all got sent out accidentally and I’m not sure how-”

 

“Wait letter _s_ ? As in more than _one_ letter?” Taeyong nodded slowly. “How many?”

 

“...Five.”

 

“Damn Taeyong, what a _player_ , sending out love confessions to five people at once!” Jaehyun whistled. “Who else did you send one too?”

 

“That’s personal, you don’t need to know.” Taeyong walked over another shelf, rolling his eyes as Jaehyun continued to follow him.

 

“Come on, it’s the least you can do after dragging me into your mess here. For all you know I could have been agonizing at home over how to respond to your confession, working long and hard for hours to give you an answer…” Taeyong kept silent still, hoping Jaehyun would stop bothering him, but the other continued still, “I bet one of them was Johnny right?”

 

“It’s _not_.”

 

“Sure, okay, it’s not.” Jaehyun smiled smugly, as if he cracked the code. Seeing that he wasn’t going to get Jaehyun off his back, Taeyong ignored him instead, looking around for a distraction to get Jaehyun away from him. He froze.

 

Maybe his day in general was meant to go horribly wrong like this. He woke up slightly late, having to rush to school. Johnny had been at the doctors all morning, so he saw Taeyong racing in right before second period. Ten hadn’t seen Taeyong at their shared locker, but after getting out of English early, found out from Johnny that Taeyong was in school and not sick. And they had ran into Jungwoo at the start of lunch, who told them that he saw Taeyong go to the library.

 

And well okay, maybe telling the librarian exactly where he was going to be was his own fault, because out of the corner of his eye he could see the librarian pointing to where Taeyong was, directing Johnny and Ten in his direction.

 

Whatever evil trick that fate was trying to play on him, the fact that everything that happened that day was going to exact opposite of how Taeyong hoped it would pan out, which led to this exact moment. He was in a corner with Jaehyun, who held one of his letters in his hand. Ten and Johnny had found him, even when he tried his best to avoid the couple. He was tired. He was hungry. And he had gym next period, which just made everything even worse.

 

Maybe Taeyong was just bad at problem solving, or his mind was in a complete frenzy over how his life was culminating to this exact nightmare of a moment. Whatever it was, the moment that Ten and Johnny turned the corner, they ran into Taeyong pressing his lips harshly into Jaehyun’s, eyes closed not as a romantic gesture but out of fear of what he might see.

 

 _Jaehyun has nice lips_ , was his first thought. Jaehyun let out a slight sound of shock when Taeyong first pressed against him, and he could feel the other go rigid for a moment. But maybe Jaehyun had great muscle memory when it came to kissing, because the next second he was leaning in, making it more natural. Taeyong opened his eyes slightly, seeing Jaehyun’s own flutter close.

 

For about three seconds, all of Taeyong’s problems flew away. All that he felt was Jaehyun pressed against his mouth, his arms daintily at Taeyong’s side, pulling him in a bit. It didn’t evolve into anything else but a light kiss, but it still felt so nice, as Jaehyun’s lips curved into a slight smile against Taeyong’s mouth.

 

He broke away finally, eyes blinking open. Jaehyun was looking at him, slightly amused, slightly in confusion, and a hint of a look that made Taeyong’s heart beat a tiny bit faster.

 

“Sorry,” he whispered. Jaehyun tilted his head questioningly.

 

“We-we didn’t mean to interrupt sorry-” Ten was already dragging Johnny away from the two of them. Ten winked at Taeyong, as Johnny looked in disbelief between the two. “We’ll leave you two alone, text you later Tae!” He could see the librarians telling Ten off for shouting, as others in the library looked curiously up. Taeyong’s heart dropped even more, and this time not in a good way.

 

He glanced at Jaehyun again. The other boy stood there silently, as if awaiting an explanation from Taeyong. Taeyong knew he should probably explain. But right that moment, nothing made sense anymore. Ten and Johnny didn’t react how he expected them too. Jaehyun still had his letter, and was still confused. _He had just kissed Jaehyun_ , right in the library where everyone could see.

 

“Sorry.” he squeaked again, and took off out of the library. His mind was a giant whirlwind of emotions, and he didn’t know how to feel anymore. Because at that moment, his out of control mess just became a full blown catastrophe.

 

\----

 

_Dear Taeil,_

 

_Remember when I told you I liked Kun and you said it was okay that I liked Kun? I lied. I don’t like Kun. I like you._

 

_Maybe you don’t remember that moment. It was back in elementary school, maybe second grade? But I remember it clearly as day, because it was the first time I felt it was okay to like boys, and the first time I felt like it was okay to like you._

 

_What do I like about you? Well, I could go on and on with all the reasons. One, you’re kind. You always share your snacks with me and Jeno, even though you buy them with your own allowance. You also let me pick the movie for movie night, even though I know you prefer action too like Jeno._

 

_You’re so smart too. You always help me with my homework even when you have a lot, and you are probably the only reason Jeno passed fifth grade._

 

_Plus, you’re so funny, despite what Jeno says. I’m always laughing at your jokes even when they’re not funny, because the way you say it always makes me happy. You make me so happy Taeil, even when I’m feeling sad. I don’t think anyone told you this, but my dad is always so grateful for you, because you were the first person to make me smile again after my mom died. I’m grateful too._

 

_But I think the most important thing is you’re understanding. Because I was scared, thinking I wasn’t allowed to like Kun because he was a boy, but the exact moment you said I was allowed to back then was when I knew it was alright. And I think you just knew exactly what to say at that moment, like you usually do._

 

_You’re about to go to high school next year, which means I’ll be alone in middle school. (Well, there’s Jeno I guess, but he’s a brat so he doesn’t count). But I know you’ll still always be there for us too, and even though I’m really sad I’ll be alone in school (with Jeno I guess), I know I will always still have you as my beloved next door neighbor, that you’ll always let me come over whenever._

 

_I really like you Taeil. Maybe even love you. And maybe you might not like me back like that, but I still just wanted to let you know. Because maybe, just maybe, you just might. And I’d be really happy if that was true._

 

_Love,_

 

_Taeyong_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any confusion/vagueness is intentional!! it'll all (hopefully) make sense later on!


	3. Doyoung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second letter: the stoic debate team member who secretly had a heart of gold

Taeyong’s first kiss happened during debate nationals, right before the last match - Taeyong’s school against the reigning champions. This had been the farthest their school made it in the competition, and the entire team was nervous, victory so close yet still so far.

 

Which was why Taeyong was in the bathroom corner, desperately trying to breathe normally again. There was a lot of pressure on them all from the school and each other, and Taeyong was starting to feel anxious, the idea of letting everyone down becoming more of a reality in his head.

 

When Taeyong first decided to join the debate team in his first year of high school, everyone had called it the biggest plot twist of the year. The quiet, introverted and sensitive Taeyong, joining a club that required people to be loud and speak their minds? Everyone had asked him if he was sure he wanted to, and even his dad had tried to intervene, asking him if he’d rather try the writing or music clubs instead.

 

But Doyoung was the only one who wasn’t against it. _We need someone like him._ Doyoung had argued. _He’s so unlike someone who would join debate, that it’ll throw everyone off that he is on debate._

 

(Looking back, Taeyong realizes that it was probably a thinly veiled insult towards him.)

 

Doyoung helped him a lot during their practices, walking him through how to speak with a firm voice and always checking his case points, telling Taeyong what was good and what was not for debates in the future. Doyoung was younger than Taeyong was, but he looked up to the other, looking past his astute and sarcastic temperament to find a kind and loving Doyoung, someone who he genuinely enjoyed being around despite their different personalities. In fact, Taeyong sometimes felt their relationship had been borderline flirtatious, which didn’t help Taeyong’s growing feelings towards Doyoung at all.

 

But that was the last thing on his mind at the moment, as the realization that they were so close to winning had begun to settle in. Taeyong knew how much everyone wanted this - hell, how much _he_ wanted this. But this round would be rapid fire solo debates, something that Taeyong had always frozen up at during their practices.

 

“Hey Taeyong, you in here?” He heard Doyoung’s voice echo in the empty bathroom, finding him in the corner that he sat. Taeyong managed a weak smile.

 

“Hey, sorry, just a bit nervous,” Taeyong said, as Doyoung joined him the ground. “Just-Just trying to calm down a bit before we go.” Doyoung nodded understandingly. They sat is comfortable silence, Taeyong’s quiet inhales the only audible sound in the room.

 

“You’re going to do fine Taeyong.” Doyoung wrapped his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder, pulling him closer. Taeyong usually wouldn’t believe what most considered to be empty words of encouragement, but Doyoung never said things he didn’t mean, so he felt oddly comforted hearing him say that instead.

 

He turned to look at Doyoung in thanks, suddenly realizing exactly how close the other’s face was to his. Taeyong felt his breath pick up, still of nerves, but not in the same way as before. Taeyong willed himself not to look down at Doyoung’s lips, but the other didn’t hold back, eyes flickering down his face, and at that moment, Taeyong couldn’t help but feel that maybe his attraction was not as one sided as he thought.

 

Taeyong had only dreamed of kissing, fantasies arising from books he read and movies he saw. There were light fluttering kisses, two people slowly moving closer to each other, a slight air of nervousness but desire in the air. Quick pecks that lasted a second, leaving him wanting for more. Even the more passionate ones, open mouthed and full of fire crossed his mind at times.

 

But Taeyong’s first kiss was none of the above.

 

Taeyong moved in too fast towards Doyoung, banging his teeth against the other’s mouth and scraping at the bottom lip. They both pulled back in shock.

 

“Shit- sorry-” Doyoung winced in slight pain, Taeyong rubbing at his own mouth.

 

“It’s fine-” Doyoung coughed. Taeyong looked away awkwardly, willing for the ground to swallow him up. He thought the fact that Doyoung found him panicking in the bathroom was embarrassing enough, but this a thousand times worse.

 

_At least if I mess up in the competition, it won’t be as bad as right now._

 

Doyoung let out a slight chuckle. Taeyong whipped his head towards him.

 

“I said that out loud didn’t I.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Doyoung snickered again, which soon turned into a full blown laugh. Taeyong tried his best not to look in Doyoung’s direction, but soon gave in. The crinkle in Doyoung’s eyes and wide smile had Taeyong giggling along, as Doyoung pulled him in closer to his side again.

 

And maybe his first kiss went horribly, but something had changed between them afterwards, as they sat there with the occasional snicker between them. Taeyong felt better than he did before, Doyoung’s comforting arm rubbing the nerves away.

 

They had ended up losing the competition, but Doyoung had won an eloquence award for his speech, and Taeyong had written another letter. On the day of their debate team congratulations party, he planned to confess, the confidence he gained from the competition and the rush of feelings from the kiss all giving him the courage to face Doyoung and tell him how he felt.

 

But on that day, as they were celebrating their good year at nationals, everyone found out that Doyoung had been accepted to a prestigious boarding school in New York, as one of his speeches had impressed the board enough for a full scholarship. Taeyong swallowed back his confession, instead hugging Doyoung tight in congratulations, passing the tears in his eyes as out of happiness and not disappointment.

 

And with that, Taeyong’s short lived debate career ended, along with the possibility of anything more with Doyoung.

  
\-----  
  
  


 

 

 

“ _Jaehyun?_ You sent a letter to _Jung Jaehyun?_ ”

 

Taeil’s eyes widened, jaw dropping in disbelief at Taeyong. Taeyong groaned, picking up his pace towards his house and room, where his new plan of action was to bury himself in his sheets and never leave his bed ever again.

 

Taeyong had panicked after the kiss, racing out of the library and hiding in the bathroom for the rest of his lunch period. He had managed to sidestep Johnny, Ten and Jaehyun for the rest of the day, and right as the final bell rang, had all but bolted out of school, grabbing his bike and raced home. Right down the street from his house, he had ran into Taeil, who had hardly gotten a greeting out of his mouth before Taeyong had been pulling him towards his house, blabbering on about his dilemma.

 

“I’m sorry but like- the letter isn’t my biggest problem right now, did you not hear the part where I _kissed Jaehyun in front of Johnny and Ten_ ,” Taeyong jammed his key furiously into his door, pulling the door open. He grabbed the mail before entering, tossing it onto the kitchen counter. Out of the corner of his eye, a familiar pastel blue envelope caught his eyes and he reached for it instantly, eyes widening in relief.

 

“What? What did you get?” Taeyong handed the letter over.

 

“One of the letters was returned.”

 

“Wait really?” Taeil grabbed at it eagerly, scanning for the name. “Wow, _Doyoung_? Like, debate team Doyoung? Damn Taeyong, you really know how to fall in love, don’t you?”

 

“Not the time for jokes Taeil,” Taeyong gritted his teeth, snatching the letter back from Taeil and tossing it back on the counter. The letter had been returned to sender, since after Doyoung left for New York, the rest of his family also decided to relocate there. Taeyong hadn’t heard from Doyoung in almost three years, but was really _really_ glad their reunion wouldn’t be because of his letter.

 

“Okay, I’ll bite then. Why the _hell_ did you kiss Jaehyun?” Taeil slid onto a stool, as Taeyong collapsed into one opposite him.

 

“I really don’t know,” Taeyong whined, dropping his head into his arms in frustration. “I just panicked when I saw Johnny and Ten walked up.”

 

“But why? Didn’t you say you didn’t send it to Johnny?” Taeyong kept silent. Taeil gasped. “You totally sent it to Johnny.”

 

Taeyong groaned, rolling his head on the counter. “That’s not the issue here. This whole thing has gotten way too complicated now since I kissed Jaehyun. I still haven’t confronted any of the other letters, and now I have to figure out what to say to Jaehyun too! Plus, I think the two of them think I like Jaehyun, which is _obviously not true._ ”

 

“I mean, you do like Jaehyun, you wrote him a love letter.” Taeil grinned. Taeyong threw a banana in his direction. “Hey!”

 

“I don’t like him like that anymore.” Taeyong stated, staring down Taeil. That was partially the truth. There may have been attraction at one point, but after writing the letter, Taeyong was hoping he’d be able to be more civil and composed around his crushes, much like how he was with Taeil right now. He just had to figure out how to explain his letter in a way that didn’t make him sound like a lovestruck idiot.

 

The doorbell rang. Taeyong lifted his head wearily, sliding off his stool and dragging himself to the door, as Taeil watched curiously from behind. He opened it.

 

It was Jaehyun.

 

He immediately slammed the door.

 

_Well there goes composure._

 

“Woah woah woah-” Taeil ran over and opened the door again. “Hey Jaehyun! Been a while since I’ve seen you!” Jaehyun looked between the two quizzingly, from Taeil with his usual smile on his face, to a still in shock Taeyong staring straight at him.

 

“Umm hi… Taeil?” he asked, blinking in confusion.

 

“How do you know where I live?” Taeyong finally cut in.

 

“Well, I asked Mark, who asked his classmate Donghyuk, who is best friends with Renjun, who is apparently your brother’s boyfriend’s lab partner, so yeah basically Jeno gave me your address.” Taeyong could see the smug look on Jeno’s face, and cursed the fact that he ever had a brother like him. “Can I come in?”

 

“Why.” Taeyong blocked the entrance defensively. Jaehyun looked nervously at Taeil.

 

“Umm well.” He shrugged his shoulder at Taeil. “There’s. Something. Umm, we should talk about privately-”

 

Taeil sighed. “Taeyong, you at least owe him an explanation for your letter.” He pushed Taeyong’s arm off the doorway, motioning for Jaehyun to step in.

 

Jaehyun brightened. “Oh! So Taeil got a letter as well?” He smirked. “Guess you’re my competition.”

 

Taeil smiled, shaking his head. “Nah, me and Taeyong aren’t together like that.” He patted Taeyong on the back. “You guys should talk at least, I’m going to make my way out. I’ll text Jeno to come over to my place instead so you guys don’t have anyone listening in.”

 

“Wait-Taeil-” Taeil ignored Taeyong’s sputtering, waving his hand lazily as he walked down the steps. Taeyong watched him go, feeling betrayed for the second time that day.

 

He turned towards Jaehyun again, sighing. Jaehyun was still in the same outfit as before, the _Jung_ lettering almost mockingly teasing him from Jaehyun’s jacket. He figured Jaehyun had probably left school right after it ended, considering he was only a few minutes behind Taeyong was. It only made Taeyong even more nervous. In all honesty, what he said at the library should have been enough to explain and apologize for the letter business, but he just had to go and kiss Jaehyun too, opening up a whole other set of problems.

 

“If, if you really want me to go I can but-” Jaehyun finally said, but made no motion to leave. Taeyong sighed again, but waved that away.

 

“No, it’s fine, we should talk.” He nodded his head towards his kitchen counter. “Water?”

 

Jaehyun shook his head no, taking a seat at Taeil’s vacant spot. They sat in awkward silence for a moment, Taeyong wondering how to even begin.

 

“So…” Jaehyun started instead, spinning his letter on the table. “About that kiss.”

 

“It meant nothing.”

 

“Wow, ouch.”

 

“No! I mean-” Taeyong huffed. “Listen, I don’t do well with confrontation, so when you came up to me in the library, and Johnny and Ten were right there, I didn’t know what to do. I panicked.”

 

“And kissing me… was your solution…” Jaehyun hummed, obviously repressing a laugh. Taeyong resisted the urge to throw another banana. “But also, you kissed me right after telling me you don’t like me, but also after sending me a love letter. So like… which is it?”

 

Taeyong groaned. “I already told you that I didn’t like you like that anymore, and that it was sent out as a mistake in the first place. The kiss was a mistake.”

 

“Look, I’m sorry about the kiss. It really was just me panicking in the moment.” Jaehyun stilled, watching Taeyong intently. “And honestly, I don’t know what else I can do to make up for it, but I’d really appreciate if you can just go back to ignoring my existence as anything but Johnny’s friend.” He paused. “Or actually, forget that. Just ignore me in general. No contact whatsoever.”

 

“Huh…” Jaehyun tilted his head, in deep thought. “I… I don’t think I can do that actually.”

 

“My day keeps getting better and better.” Taeyong muttered. “What else do you want from my miserable life? I explained everything!”

 

Jaehyun leaned back against the counter, watching Taeyong. “You want the truth?” Taeyong nodded. “Honestly? I’m just really intrigued by you Taeyong. Like, who even confesses via love letter, actually, who bothers with writing those anymore these days with texting? Even someone as popular as me never got a handwritten love letter on decorated stationery before!”

 

“Wow! You are so! Full of it!” Taeyong grumbled. Jaehyun laughed, picking up an apple from Taeyong’s counter and throwing it in the air.

 

“I’m just very curious about you now, Taeyong.” Jaehyun continued, catching the apple. “I mean, what kind of person thinks to spend time writing his feelings out instead of just getting drunk and sharing like the rest of us mere mortals?” He pointed at the apple. “Mind if I have this?”

 

“Go ahead.” Taeyong answered distractedly. He checked his phone. Ten had sent a dozen messages asking about Jaehyun, and there was none from Johnny. The whole thing confused him. It didn’t make sense how they were acting, especially if his letters had gotten out.

 

“Johnny has extra practice today, since he couldn’t come to school early today.” Jaehyun commented. “So he’s not gonna text you, if you’re wondering.”

 

“I’m not.” Taeyong mumbled.

 

“It’s so obvious you wrote Johnny a letter, I wonder what his reaction was to getting it.” Taeyong turned towards Jaehyun, accusingly. Jaehyun raised his hands in defense. “I didn’t mention anything to Johnny or Ten, I swear! I didn’t even see them!”

 

“I would have absolutely obliterated you right this moment if you said anything.” Taeyong threatened. He paused. “Also, I didn’t send Johnny a letter.”

 

“Then why are you ignoring him?” Jaehyun countered, staring Taeyong back. “Actually, why are you ignoring _both_ of them? Johnny I understand but why Ten? Isn’t he your best friend?”

 

“I’m _not_ ignoring them.” Taeyong retorted. He paused. “Okay, I mean I am, but it’s not because of the letter, it’s because… okay, yes, it’s because of the letter, but like-”

 

“You just said you didn’t send Johnny a letter though.” Jaehyun grinned.

 

“Can you please just shut up for a second okay?” Taeyong snapped. He sighed, trying to find his words. “I’m not saying I sent the letter to Johnny but… hypothetically speaking, if I did, obviously I wouldn’t want to talk to either of them.”

 

“Oh wait… I get it.” Jaehyun leaned forward, thoughtfully. “Because if Johnny got the letter, than Ten definitely knows.”

 

Jaehyun was right. Taeyong had never met a couple who was more trusting and sharing than Johnny and Ten, who always told each other everything. They had one of the most healthy and communicative relationships that Taeyong had ever seen, and while he had always admired them for it, in this case, that would be his downfall. Because Johnny told Ten everything, the good and the bad, and Ten did the same. There was never any secrets between them.

 

“So… was your plan just to ignore all of us, and never bring it up ever again?” Jaehyun asked. Taeyong nodded yes. “And like… you actually thought that would work.”

 

“I mean, no, but I was trying to be a bit positive in my thinking right now.” Taeyong moaned, picking up his glass and taking a sip. He felt like the entire day had taken years off his life, and in all honesty, he knew that right now he’d hit a dead end. Ten was blowing up his phone, and Taeyong was too afraid to see what those messages were saying. Meanwhile, Johnny hadn’t message anything yet, but he was far more afraid of what Johnny would say.

 

If Taeyong could, he’d love to just stay put in his room and not face the real world… ever again, but life didn’t work that way. He just wanted an easy game plan on how to handle this with the least amount of embarrassment and confrontation on his part as possible.

 

Jaehyun suddenly snapped his fingers, pointing at Taeyong suddenly.

 

“I got a better solution for you.” Taeyong rolled his eyes, but leaned in to listen. “Let’s pretend to date.”

 

Taeyong choked. That was far from any plan he was looking for.

“No, listen okay?” Jaehyun leaned forward, eyes gleaming with excitement. “If we’re like, pretending to date, than Johnny-”

 

“It’s not Johnny.”

 

“-whatever you say, well, neither of them will bother you about the letter in front of me. It’d just be too awkward of a conversation. Plus, it’d give him the impression that you’re over your crush on not-Johnny and in love with someone else instead. So basically, you can tell him you’re no longer into him without actually telling him.”

 

It still seemed stupid in Taeyong’s mind, but Jaehyun did have a point. Ten would definitely not let Taeyong ignore him any longer, especially since he saw Taeyong and Jaehyun kissing earlier. But if the attention was on his relationship with Jaehyun, it would be possible that the letter would be pushed back on everyone’s minds, and possibly even forgotten after a while. Seemed like a long shot of actually happening, but Taeyong was honestly out of ideas at the moment.

 

He peered over at Jaehyun suspiciously. “What’s in it for you though? Is this just some big joke that you’re playing on me? Because you can’t embarrass me any more than right now, I think I met my quota for the year.”

 

“Contrary to your belief Taeyong, I am not that big of a jerk.” Jaehyun smirked at Taeyong, spinning the apple between his fingers.

 

“Is it weird to say that I want to get to know you more now? I want to figure out the mind behind someone who send love letters instead of confessing outright, and decides to randomly kiss people in the library after saying they don’t like the person.”

 

"Even if _you're_ currently facing a big crisis at the moment, ever since _I_ got that letter, it’s been an interesting experience, and I am very very excited to see exactly how this could turn out.” He smiled smugly, leaning in towards Taeyong. He could practically feel the anticipation in Jaehyun.

 

“So what do you say, Taeyong?”

  
  
  


 

 

The next day, Taeyong braved the lunchroom, sitting in his usual corner, both anticipating and dreading when Johnny and Ten would come.

 

If either of them confronted them, his plan was to say as Jaehyun did yesterday - he was over his crush and was in love with Jaehyun now. He just hoped that Jaehyun’s version would correlate with his story. Jaehyun didn’t seem like one to go against his word, but at the same time, Taeyong just couldn’t get a read on the other.

 

When he had first started to notice Jaehyun, that was what attracted him to the basketball player. He had an air of mysteriousness hidden behind his kind smile and caring nature, making him the ultimate combination of all high school male protagonist cliches. Was he the nice and popular jock, or the bad boy of the school? Taeyong didn’t know, but it had always interested him, what Jaehyun would be like as a boyfriend, what really was behind his demeanor when he was with someone he truly trusted.

 

But not knowing was killing him now, because as dramatic as it was, his fate seemed to rest in Jaehyun’s hands. He could either be pulling off the greatest lie he ever told to his best friends, or end up being humiliated in multiple ways in front of them. He didn’t like the sound of either situation.

 

“Hey Tae,” It was Ten, who sat down next to him, a serious look on his face. Taeyong gulped. It was game time. “Can we talk-“

 

Maybe he wasn’t as prepared as he thought he was, because Taeyong started to freeze at those words. But that exact moment, Johnny and Jaehyun came walking up. Taeyong felt slightly comforted by Jaehyun, but also intensely focusing on what the other would do.

 

“Hey there, Yong,” Jaehyun grinned so naturally, draping his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder casually, as if he did this regularly. The entire cafeteria seemed to freeze at the gesture. Including Taeyong.

 

It wasn’t every day that their school heartthrob showed interest in anyone past casual flirting.

 

Jaehyun stared at Taeyong, his eyes telling him to _act natural!_ Taeyong gulped. This was all so new.  

 

“Hi.” He whispered back. Jaehyun smiled encouragingly.

 

“Woah… so I wasn’t dreaming when I saw you guys yesterday...” Ten cut in, his eyes gleaming. The previous look from before was gone, and whatever Ten was going to say seemed to be forgotten. Taeyong felt his stomach drop in relief. Maybe this would actually work.

 

“Are you guys dating?” Scratch that. Taeyong just kept digging bigger holes for himself.

 

“We’re just getting to know each other.” Jaehyun answered instead, grabbing a chip from Taeyong’s opened bag. Taeyong couldn’t understand how Jaehyun was so relaxed, spewing out words so indifferently that it almost could convince Taeyong that it was the truth. He tried not to think about how much dating experience Jaehyun had already.

 

“Ahh… in ways that aren’t physical.” Ten winked, laughing slightly at Taeyong’s reddened face. Jaehyun just smiled, pulling Taeyong closer. He hoped that Jaehyun couldn’t feel his heartbeat quickening at that.

 

“Well… in both ways you know.”

 

Ten laughed again, before changing the subject about a class he shared with Jaehyun, giving Taeyong a moment to breath. He really didn’t think this would work, but considering that Ten had seemed to forget completely about talking, Taeyong couldn’t believe his luck. He glanced over at Johnny, who had kept quiet through the whole thing.

 

Johnny was staring at their linked bodies, before glancing over at Ten momentarily. Taeyong felt his heartbeat start to pick up again, but not in the same way as before.

 

“-so yeah, I just wanted to see if Taeyong would be at lunch today, to ask about what happened yesterday, but now that I know, I really should be going to work on that project.” Ten was standing up, nodding towards the two of them. His face turned solemn for a moment. “But yeah, if you have time, text me Taeyong? I got something…” he glanced at Jaehyun, biting his lip. “Well yeah. I’ll see you guys.”

 

Johnny let out a cough, the first sound he made that day. “I got something to take care of too, so… I’m gonna go…” he trailed off lamely, standing up and walking off in the opposite direction. Taeyong watched him go, the nagging feeling in his stomach starting again.

 

Jaehyun whistled. “Damn. They really did fight huh.” Taeyong blinked.

 

“Johnny and Ten? What happened?”

 

“Mark said he heard Ten yelling at Johnny this morning.” Jaehyun started. “And you know how Johnny likes to walks Ten to his history class, since he has free period right after? Ten came in alone today. They’re obviously not talking for some reason.” he grabbed another chip from Taeyong’s bag, munching on it.

 

“But like, don’t worry about it. It’s _Johnny and Ten._ I swear, they have one of the most strongest and trusting relationships I have ever seen, so give it a few days, I’m sure they’ll be back together again.”

 

Taeyong nodded absentmindedly, his heart sinking in his chest. What Jaehyun said was right. Even if they had arguments, Johnny and Ten always were able to work through their problems. It was just the nature of their relationship.

 

But at the same time, this wasn’t the same as their petty fights they would get into. It was much bigger, and now, Taeyong was afraid of what consequences it could bring.

  
  


 

\----

 

_Dear Doyoung,_

 

_Remember that day when we got caught for staying later in school, and everyone started saying that we were just kissing after hours? It’s so funny, since we were just practicing debate routines, but a tiny part of me wishes those rumors were true. Because maybe I’ve dreamed about that for a while now._

 

_Honestly, every moment I spent with you were my favorite parts of school. I don’t have that many friends here, but that doesn’t matter to me, because with you, it finally felt like I had someone that I could connect too. Whenever we’d hang out after school, get smoothies, and watch Jeno suck at basketball, I just fell in love more and more._

 

_I never planned to tell you that I loved you, but that day of the competition, I actually found the courage to actually kiss you, and you kissed me back, and now my mind is a mess. Because that was the first time that I had the courage to take the first step, and now, I have a whole lot more hope that this could maybe turn into something much more._

 

_Love,_

 

_Taeyong_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter had been done for a bit, but i wanted to get a good head start on the next one before i published it!


	4. [interlude]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was part of the previous and next chapters, but then I decided this story needed a bit more buffer to make the transition between the two chapters not as abrupt. Makes me a bit sad lol, since I wanted the chapter titles to match with the names of the letters, but it felt weird not having an in between. Oh well, at least the chapter count went up!

“Okay, if it’s really not Johnny, who else did you send one too then?” Taeyong rolled his eyes, turning the corner and shelving another book. He was in the library after school for his volunteer job, which was, quite frankly, supposed to be the only part of his day where he could finally get some alone time without having to think about his letters and the embarrassment of them being sent out. 

 

But Jaehyun was for some reason there, idly looking at the book titles as he followed Taeyong around, asking more questions than Taeyong thought was necessary, and essentially disrupting Taeyong’s long awaited peace time. Not to mention, neither Johnny or Ten were around to show off for, which only further confused Taeyong.

 

Taeyong was grateful for Jaehyun’s help, he really was. It had been three days since the awkward lunch, and Jaehyun had kept true to his word, always being around whenever Ten and Johnny were near. As a result, neither of them brought up the letter that had been sent, allowing Taeyong to avoid the situation even longer.

 

But at the same time, after nearly three years of rarely interacting with Jaehyun beyond the simple acknowledgement in hallways or small talk at basketball parties, it felt weird to suddenly have Jaehyun’s attention all on him. On one hand, it did feel nice, to be in the company of someone that wasn’t Johnny, Ten, or his brother and Jaemin. On the other hand however, he found himself having to remind him that it wasn’t real. That Jaehyun being nice to him like this was just his way of having fun with the whole situation.

 

“Come on, please, just one name?” Jaehyun whined, earning a shush from the librarian at the desk. “I’m helping you out with this, sacrificing my time to play your boyfriend in front of my best bro Johnny, the least you could do is throw me  _ one name. _ ”

 

“You were the one who suggested it.” Taeyong muttered. He gave in however, considering how Jaehyun had stopped bothering him about Johnny at least. “I sent one to Doyoung.”

 

“ _ Doyoung? _ Like, the pretentious kid from the debate team who moved to some preppy school in New York? Damn Taeyong, what kind of taste in men do you have?” 

 

“Doyoung wasn’t pretentious, he was  _ smart _ .” Taeyong grabbed the book that Jaehyun was handing his way, shelving it properly. “Also, I had a crush on you too, so what does that say about me?” 

 

Jaehyun went quiet at that, allowing Taeyong to move to the next shelf, pulling out some misplaced books. 

 

“Why did you never actually confess to Doyoung anyways?” He finally continued, perching himself awkwardly on a nearby windowsill. “Or to me, Johnny, and Taeil even?”

 

“I didn’t send it to Johnny.” Taeyong immediately answered. He sighed, putting the book he was shelving down and turning towards Jaehyun. 

 

“I told you, I don’t do well with confrontation. I… I just… I find it easier to live in the fantasy rather then make it become reality.”

 

“But wouldn’t the reality be better though? I mean, being in a relationship obviously has a lot more to it then living in a dream romance.” 

 

“Of course you would know a lot about relationships.” Taeyong muttered. Jaehyun kept silent on that. Taeyong bit his lip, looking over at the shelf he was currently working on. He saw a few of his mother’s books on it, the red binding familiar to him, as he had flipped through those pages so many times in his life. Pulling one out, he showed it to Jaehyun. 

 

“You know how my mom wrote romance novels before she passed?” Jaehyun nodded. “Well, I remember once she told me the reason all her romance novels ended so happily was because she thought everyone deserves a happy ending, even characters who aren’t real. I know she got a lot of flack for it, people calling her endings unrealistic, but I loved each and everyone one of them. Because in the end, the characters were happy as they could be. And well… I think that’s one of the many things she’s said to me that I keep close to my heart. That I deserve a happy ending as much as her characters do.” 

 

“And I think that’s what scares me the most. Because in my fantasies, my relationships always go the way I want them too. I fall in love, have a sweet romance, and live happily ever after.” 

 

“But reality is, real life doesn’t work like that. I could easily fall in love, only to have my heart broken. I’m not naive at all to believe that all relationships goes as perfectly as in fairy tales, and well… call me weak, but I don’t think I could handle the ups and downs of them. It’s easier to stick to my imagination.” 

 

“That’s why I never confessed to my letters. I just couldn’t take the step into exploring what it would be for fantasies to become real. I mean, with Doyoung and Taeil, what would happen when I realize my dreams of a relationship with them aren’t what really happens? I’d hate to ruin my friendship all because of some stupid crush.”

 

Jaehyun was still quiet, and when Taeyong looked over, he saw the other watching him with a contemplative  gaze, unlike the useful easy-going demeanor Jaehyun usually had. 

 

“And well it’s not like I would have ever confessed to you. Your rabid fanbase would have tore me to shreds after you inevitably rejected me.” Taeyong said with a nervous chuckle, fiddling with the book in his hands. Jaehyun let out a soft laugh, exhaling as he leaned against the window.

 

“Hey Taeyong.” Jaehyun started. Taeyong whipped his head around. 

 

“Do you…” He paused.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I mean, I realized I never did consider how you felt, when I made this whole deal to date you so I can get to know you more, which I feel bad about now.”

 

“I mean, it’s fine-”

 

“No really.” Jaehyun cut in. “I kind of barged into your life, just because I was so amused at your letter and wanted to know more, and didn’t consider how embarrassing it would be for you, which I’m sorry about.”

 

Taeyong stood frozen, trying to wrap his mind around what Jaehyun was saying. This was a whole new side to the other that Taeyong didn’t know. 

 

“Do you… Do you want me to stop bothering you?” Jaehyun asked hesitantly, looking anywhere but at Taeyong.

 

Taeyong didn’t know how to answer. At the beginning of his whole mess, it would have been a no brainer to cut Jaehyun off. But that was three days ago. Now, Jaehyun felt more like a comfortable presence, rather than a reminder of Taeyong’s misfortune. 

 

Usually in these situations where Taeyong didn’t know how to handle, he would talk to Ten and Johnny, the two people he trusted most besides his own family. But in this case, he couldn’t. The moment the letters were out, Taeyong had been in panic, and didn’t have his usual support system to help him save face when they were part of the problem. 

 

And maybe that’s why he felt some solace in Jaehyun being around. Besides Taeil, Jaehyun was the only other person who knew about the letters and what it might mean regarding his relationship with Johnny and Ten, which meant at the moment, Jaehyun was one of the few that Taeyong had no secrets with, and could talk with about everything that was bothering him. 

 

“I mean, if you want to do the whole ‘Let’s avoid the awkward elephant aka the letter’’ I’ll really be fine with it, we can go back to how it was before when we didn’t really know each other, i’ll pretend that nothing happened-” Jaehyun was rambling, but Taeyong found himself not wanting the other to do that. 

 

“It’s fine,” he mumbled, cutting Jaehyun off. Jaehyun paused, slowly turning towards Taeyong in shock.

 

“Y-You sure? I mean, I’ll still do the whole boyfriend thing, it’s just maybe it’s better if we don’t interact-”

 

“Really, I’m sure.” And Taeyong was. Even for the split second, thinking that Jaehyun would leave him alone scared him. Losing Jaehyun meant more than just losing a fake boyfriend and his cover story incase Ten or Johnny confronted him. It meant that the last bit of support he had in school would be gone, and with it, any confidence Taeyong had that he would get out of this without ruining his relationship with Johnny and Ten. Because with Jaehyun by his side as a buffer, Taeyong felt safe, the anxiety of his situation somewhat relieved. 

 

He looked over at Jaehyun, flashing him a comforting smile. Jaehyun returned it hesitantly, a light red dusting his cheeks, and at that moment, Taeyong was glad for Jaehyun’s company, even finding himself enjoying it. 

 

If there was one good thing that happened because of his letters, it would be his newfound friendship with Jaehyun. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was about a week after they started their agreement, and Taeyong couldn’t believe his luck that Jaehyun’s seemingly ridiculous plan was actually  _ working _ . At least, Ten was still talking with Taeyong like nothing had happened, and Johnny - while quieter then usual- hadn’t mentioned anything as well. 

 

It was the four of them at lunch again, but only Jaehyun seemed to be fully there, chatting on about their latest basketball game. Johnny wasn’t paying attention, only poking at his food, while Ten was pointedly ignoring his boyfriend’s presence at the table. Taeyong only felt his heart sinking lower and lower, his mind a million miles away.

 

Because while things were going on normally for Taeyong, it didn’t change the fact that his letter was most definitely out, and that one or both of his friends knew about it. When Taeyong first realized his letters had been sent, he had imagined Johnny and Ten talking about it together, working out how to confront Taeyong about it without making him feel bad. He knew that they wouldn’t hate him for his letter, which Taeyong was grateful for. But Taeyong also couldn’t handle the possible awkwardness that was to come, and how he would deal with essentially confessing to one of his best friends who just so happened to be dating his other best friend. 

 

But now, a week later, Taeyong wondered if what he thought was completely wrong. Because even if Johnny and Ten were acting fine around him and Jaehyun, three years of friendship and one year of watching them date meant Taeyong could tell that they were still not on speaking terms. Taeyong had really thought that despite the awkwardness that Taeyong had caused, that his letters wouldn’t hurt their relationship in any way. He was sure of it, given that Johnny and Ten were always so trusting and loving of each other, that even something like Taeyong’s secret feelings wouldn’t come between them. 

 

However, watching Johnny and Ten now showed him a different story. Because Ten had sat down without acknowledging Johnny’s presence, Johnny was looking down at his lunch, not even sparing a glance Ten’s way, and Taeyong just sat there, wondering just how much trouble his letter really caused, and if by the end of this all, things would ever be able to return to the way they were before. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jeno pouted at Taeyong, crossing his arms defiantly. “Listen,” he started. “I’ve put up with your romantic crap for the past three movie nights already. Can we please, please,  _ please _ , watch something else tonight?”

 

“First off, two of those times, Jaemin picked, so why aren’t you calling him out?” Taeyong retorted, flopping on the couch and flicking through his  _ Netflix  _ account. “Second, I like myself a good action movie now and then, but we’ve watched all the movies in the Marvel Universe at  _ least _ four times over just this year, so excuse me for wanting to get my romance fix before we start the X-Men series again.” Jeno groaned, turning towards Jaehyun, who was bringing a bowl of popcorn in. 

 

“Jaehyun, my man, help me out here.” Jeno begged him instead, clasping his fists together. Jaehyun laughed but nodded his head no. 

 

“Sorry Jeno, but I think I’m like, supposed to be on Taeyong’s side here, pretty sure it’s some rule of relationships.” Taeyong slightly winced at that. He always felt bad about lying to Jeno, but he was afraid of Jeno telling Jaemin, who - as sweet as the kid was - could never keep a secret. 

 

Jeno sighed, sliding down their couch in disappointment. “You’re so whipped.” He grumbled. Taeyong leaned over, smiling sweetly. 

 

“Why? Disappointed that Jaemin had a family dinner and couldn’t come take your side?”

 

You’re joking right.” Jeno deadpanned. “If he was here, I wouldn’t even have a chance to fight for my choice.” He sighed again. Jaehyun sat down next to Jeno, patting him softly in consolation. Taeyong bit a smile back at the gesture, as he clicked on the selection and pressed play. 

 

The movie was some Japanese high school romance that Jaemin had recommended, but Taeyong would hardly be able to tell anyone anything about the plot besides that. All his mind could focus on was Jaehyun’s warm body pressed up to his. 

 

It was weird, how Jaehyun was hanging with him even without Johnny or Ten around to show off too. Movie night was Jeno’s fault - as when his brother found out they were “dating” he insisted Jaehyun come over so he and Jaemin could “vet” Taeyong’s boyfriend (to which Taeyong pointed out “I never did that with Jaemin!” “Please, the moment you found out we were dating you cried of happiness over your brother dating an ‘angel on earth’ - your words, not mine.”)

 

But this wasn’t the only time. For the past week of “fake dating”, Taeyong found himself spending more and more time with Jaehyun, from the other waiting in the library for Taeyong to finish his library duties, to the two of them getting smoothies after Jaehyun’s practice. At first, Taeyong was sure it was so Jaehyun could keep up the appearance of being a boyfriend - people were apparently surprised that Jaehyun had managed to “score” with the “ice prince” of their school (Taeyong has never heard of himself referred to as that before), and so he thought that Jaehyun just wanted to play up that rumor.

 

But today, Jaehyun brought Taeyong over to this popular snack shop 30 minutes away, claiming he wanted someone to go with him to try their specialty, before stopping over at home and getting invited to movie night with Jeno. 

 

Reality was, there was no reason for them to have to hang out after school, and especially not on the weekend. Jaehyun had no obligation to still be around Taeyong as much, but he still was anyways, treating Taeyong like a real boyfriend, and not just a fake business relationship.

 

And maybe… maybe there were certain times when Taeyong had to remind himself no matter how easy it was to be with Jaehyun like this, it was all just for show. Because the more Jaehyun was around, the more Taeyong felt a familiar butterfly-feeling in his chest. 

 

“I don’t get it, it’s just a button.” Jeno pointed at the screen in annoyance, bringing Taeyong’s attention back to the screen. “Does he really need to rip apart a perfectly good uniform just to give the girl a single button?”

 

Taeyong scoffed. “It’s just a romantic gesture Jeno, something that you seem unable to understand at all. It’s cute though! Giving the button closest to your heart to the person you like?” Jeno rolled his eyes. 

 

“It’s dumb, that’s what it is.”

 

“The basketball team does something similar. Like, at the end of the season party, it’s tradition to give your varsity jacket to someone you like.” Jaehyun shrugged, pointing at his own green jacket hanging over the side of the couch. “I mean, it’s not a big thing but some of the guys are really into it.”

 

“Oh yeah, Renjun and Jaemin have been talking about that.” Jeno commented, munching on some popcorn. “Apparently Mark was planning to give it to the girl he works in the broadcasting club with, but she wasn’t going to go to the party or anything, so now they’re working with her friends to convince her to go.” 

 

Jaehyun smiled fondly at the mention of Mark. “Hope it works out though, he’s been going on about her for a while.” He looked over at the two. “You guys going though, right? I mean, I know parties aren’t your thing Taeyong but I was hoping-”

 

“Nah, Taeyong goes to the basketball parties.” Jeno cuts in. “‘Cause of Johnny.”

 

“Oh... really?” 

 

“Yeah, he doesn’t go to any sports things except for the basketball team games and parties, cause Johnny always brings him.” Jeno turned toward Jaehyun, an exasperated look on his face. “I keep trying to get Taeyong to watch Jaemin play soccer with me, but he refuses every single damn time.” 

 

“I see.” Jaehyun smiled. Taeyong noticed it didn’t reach his eyes. 

 

“But don’t worry! I mean, now he has another reason to go as well right?” Jeno continued, perking up and looking between the two of them anxiously. Jaehyun laughed, patting Jeno on the head. 

 

“Yeah, since he has to watch to make sure you don’t go overboard, right?” he said, to which Jeno giggled nervously. “This is going to be your first high school party, right? Remember Jeno, don’t accept drinks from someone if you don’t know what it is!”

 

“You should be telling him to stay home and not drink.” Taeyong grumbled. Jaehyun let out another chuckle, pulling Taeyong closer to his side. Jeno was still eyeing the two of them, and Taeyong noticed he was playing with his sleeves, a nervous tick his brother had always had from childhood. He made a mental note to ask Jaemin what was bothering Jeno later. 

 

Turning his gaze away, he looked back up at Jaehyun, noticing the same faraway look on his face. He nudged his side.

 

“You good?” Taeyong asked. Jaehyun hummed a yes, smiling gentle down at him, before pulling Taeyong closer to his side. Taeyong felt his heart skip a beat. The butterflies started again in his stomach, but he willed them away. It probably was nothing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Listen, can we talk  _

 

It was bound to happen, that Johnny would actively try and seek Taeyong out. However, even if he knew it was too come, seeing the actual message did nothing but make Taeyong feel even more anxious. He didn’t reply, though he knew Johnny could see he was online. Instead, Taeyong watched the blinking cursor in the chat box, as it seemingly mocked his misfortune.

 

A ping sounded, indicating a new message from Johnny. Taeyong leaned forward.

 

_ Tuesday maybe? After school? I don’t have practice then.  _

_ I need to ask you something  _

 

**_sorry, me and Jaehyun have plans_ **

 

That part was true, with Jaehyun and him planning to try this new ice cream shop down the road, but Taeyong still felt bad sending it. Johnny could probably tell he was avoiding him.

 

_ Oh. Okay. _

_ So…  _

_ you and Jaehyun must really be close _

 

**_Yeah haha_ **

**_Idk, we just… clicked_ **

 

_ Huh. _

 

Silence again. Taeyong gulped, his fingers nervously gliding the keyboard. 

 

**_Can you…_ **

**_idk, just tell me what you need to over text?_ **

 

Silence from Johnny this time.

 

_ Well… _

_ I’d rather we talk in person.  _

 

Taeyong froze, the conversation giving him a sense of dejavu. Scrolling up through his chat with Johnny, he passed nearly a years worth of conversations before finding the part that he thought about. 

 

It was sent during the summer before senior year, and Taeyong’s heart dropped remembering what had happened during that time. That night was the goodbye party for Yuta, who was moving at the end of the summer. That night, Taeyong got so drunk and couldn’t remember much of what happened that night, only that he woke up the next morning with a splitting headache, dried tear stains on his eyes, and a new letter in hand.

 

**_Hey Johnny, thanks for driving me back!! Yuta said I got pretty drunk last night, guess I was really sad about him leaving :c_ **

 

_ Haha no worries. But hey, can we talk tomorrow after school??? _

 

**_Sure… about what though?_ **

 

_ Umm… I don’t wanna tell you over text, it’s kinda something we should do in person _

 

**_Oh,_ **

**_is everything okay?_ **

 

_ Yeah, just need to ask you something  _

 

The conversation from the night of the party was eerily similar to the one he was having now with Johnny. Taeyong leans back, racking his brains over what exactly they talked about.

 

But then he realizes they never did.The next day, Ten had dragged them to this cat cafe that opened, Johnny was all smiles with no hint of what he needed to ask Taeyong, and Taeyong had put all his worries behind him. Afterwards, Taeyong had went on a family vacation, and when he got back, the conversation had been long forgotten.

 

But this time, Taeyong didn’t have a camping trip with his brother to help him get out of this. He could tell that the whole letter issue was slowly coming to its climax, and Taeyong was afraid of how explosive it might be. 

  
  



	5. Yuta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> third letter: the energetic transfer student with the bright smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the tags slightly but basically - the taeyong/??? tag is really really important in this chapter. Like. super important.

During the first week of the new semester, everyone found out that they were getting a new transfer student from Japan. It caused quite a buzz in their school - they had never gotten an international student before! - and even if Taeyong didn’t listen to the baseless rumors floating around about the new guy, he was just as excited to get a new classmate as everyone else.

 

Right after his history class, as he was headed for lunch - his teacher had stopped him, saying that the main office wanted Taeyong to show the new student around. Taeyong had just been entering the office, preparing himself for social interaction with a stranger, when suddenly a flailing arm flew into his face, knocking him off his balance and sending him tripping to the side. He looked up to see the offender panicking over him, mouth spurting out words of apologies and explanations that Taeyong caught none of. He was still waving his arms around as well, and ended up smacking Taeyong again on the nose.

 

And that was Taeyong’s first encounter with Yuta. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuta was the complete opposite from Taeyong. A born extrovert, always eager to meet new people. He never could stop talking, words tumbling out of his mouth constantly. He was energetic and mischievous, and most importantly, friendly to everyone. In comparison to Taeyong - who was more of a homebody and only opened up to those close to him - they could not be any more different, and in any other situation, they probably wouldn’t have been friends. 

 

But life had a mysterious way of working, as it not only assigned Taeyong as Yuta’s guide that first week, but also put them together in multiple classes. 

 

And even if Yuta easily opened up to other people, fitting in well with their school as if he had always been there, Taeyong felt a slight pride of happiness at how Yuta still kept close with Taeyong - declaring the other to be “his number one bro”. 

 

What really started the change from friendship to something possibly more was when halfway through the year, Ten asked Johnny out. While nothing drastically changed in his relationship with the two, Taeyong did find himself spending less time with them, not wanting to third wheel their dates even if they kept asking him to join. As a result, he began to hang out more with Yuta. 

 

It started with just going to the anime club with the other, or waiting around for the intramural soccer club to finish. They would go to various cafes that Yuta found online and wanted to try, spending all their pocket money on overpriced pastries and sweets. 

 

Then one day, Yuta came up to Taeyong with a blushing face, asking if Taeyong would like to go out for dinner instead, not to a cafe like all the other times, but to this fancy restaurant down the street. 

 

That night, after the candlelight dinner with fancy dishes Taeyong couldn’t even pronounce, after Yuta drove Taeyong home and pressed a kiss to Taeyong’s cheek, after Taeyong had sent the dangerous  _ I had fun tonight, maybe we can do this again soon? _   text, Taeyong had sat down at his desk, filled with euphoria as he penned his feelings down on paper. 

 

Even after finding out that Yuta would be moving when the year ended, the two still kept up with their flirtatious behavior, dangerously approaching the line of turning into something more. It reminded him of Doyoung, except, Yuta was only going to be a city over, at an international school catered for out-of-country students. It wasn’t a drastic distance like Doyoung, and with their growing usage of social media, Taeyong had no intention of losing contact with Yuta. 

 

The summer before Yuta would move, their friend group decided to throw a going-away party for Yuta. That night, Taeyong had a plan. He was going to give Yuta the letter he had written, and see if the other felt the same. He was going to ask Yuta out this time, tickets to an anime convention that was - coincidentally - happening nearby where Yuta was moving too. They would see how long the commute took between his house and Yuta’s new school, figure out how convenient it would be to have dates on the weekends. Taeyong felt positive, enthusiastic, and above all, hopeful about what would happen after he confessed. 

 

He had left his house the evening of the party with his letter to Yuta in his back pocket and a feeling of excitement with a hint of nervousness. Everything seemed like it would work out fine, work out as Taeyong hoped for, that Taeyong really believed it. 

 

Except it didn’t.

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  
  
  
  


Taeil took a piece of  _ kimchi _ from Taeyong’s lunch box, chewing thoughtfully. “So basically, you and Jaehyun are fake dating so that you can save face in front of Johnny and Ten for when you finally confront them about the letter, but now Jaehyun is acting weird about the whole pretend relationship thing and you’re not sure why, plus Johnny wants to talk to you about something and you’re not sure what, not to mention Jeno is also acting suspicious and it’s making you nervous?” he swallowed his food, before turning towards Taeyong. 

 

“Taeyong, there’s only so much i can help you with during my lunch break, but you come here delivering an entire twelve episode drama for me to decipher.” 

 

Taeyong let out a laugh at that. He was hanging out at a park nearby Taeil’s job, asking the other to join him for lunch so that he could talk to him about what was going on. It did feel nice, having someone else besides Jaehyun who knew about his letters, because the past week and a half had been the most confusing in his life so far, and he needed to let it out to someone who wasn’t involved. 

 

“Honestly, I think Jaehyun is just weirded out about being dragged into this whole situation.” Taeyong exhaled, lying against Taeil’s shoulder. “I mean I was pretty damn extra. He’s right, who bothers writing love letters these days? Those things only happen in dramas.” 

 

“I don’t know though,” Taeil shook his head skeptically. “Like in my opinion - any other person would have just given you an awkward answer and ignore you afterwards.” he grinned slightly. “I mean, I was certainly thinking about it, but it’s kind of hard considering you live next door.” Taeyong shoved Taeil slightly, exhaling a slight giggle. 

 

“But Jaehyun? I mean, he’s a nice guy, not one of those types who would play around with someone’s embarrassment. When you told me you sent it to him, I figured he would have just stopped at teasing you in the library and then proceed to never talk to you again afterwards. I mean, no offense to you Taeyong, but he probably gets a lot of confessions ‘cause of how popular he is. You’re just another one, albeit slightly more interesting since you confessed via letter and not in person.”

 

“I may not have been that close to Jaehyun in high school, but I did hear a lot about him from my friends on the team, and well, this whole ‘fake-dating’ to ‘get to know you’ scheme seems so out of character from what I know about Jaehyun.” Taeil paused, taking another bite from his lunchbox. 

 

He suddenly snapped, whipping his head around towards Taeyong. “You know what I honestly think?” Taeyong looked at him quizzingly.

 

“What I think is he likes you.” Taeyong choked out a laugh.

 

“Funny joke Taeil.” he scoffed in disbelief. “Really, vice captain of the basketball team has a crush on the mysterious loner who likes to read in the library? My life isn’t some teen sitcom come to life.”

 

“No, I don’t think he likes you in the whole ‘I’ve-been-secretly-watching-you-all-these-years’ kind of way,” Taeil interjected.

 

“I just feel like… well you know, after this whole letter thing, plus you blitz attacking his lips in the library-” Taeyong let out a moan at the memory, burying his head in his lap, “-he’s gained an interest in you?” 

 

“Well yeah, that’s the whole reason we’re even doing this stupid fake dating thing. Because he wanted to get to know my crazy self more, figure out why I’m an hopeless romantic idiot.”

 

“I’m not talking about that type of interest - I mean, it is connected, but from what you’re telling me, it’s more than just him satisfying his amusement in you. I mean, he’s spending time with you outside of school, even when he doesn’t need to keep up the whole boyfriend act for Johnny and Ten. You guys go on small dates all the time to get ice cream or dessert, and he even went to movie night - which by the way, thanks for the invite Taeyong.” Taeyong rolled his eyes. 

 

“Point is, he’s acting more and more like an actual boyfriend, than just a fake one just for show. He doesn’t have to do all that, yet he is, which makes me think that he’s starting to really wants to date you.”

 

“Okay, but why? Why me of all people? I’m practically a nobody at school, nothing special or anything. Does it make sense for Jaehyun to even want to date me?”

 

“Hey Taeyong…” Taeil answered softly. “You are a catch you know?” 

 

Taeyong laughed bitterly. “I mean, I’m not saying I’m not. I know I have this whole ‘mysterious ice prince’ aura at school. But compared to Jaehyun, who -like you said- has his own fanbase and gets confessions almost weekly? Like, I thought that stuff only existed in anime, but Jaehyun’s groupies are proving me wrong.” 

 

“What I’m saying is, I feel like there’s no way that I was ever on Jaehyun’s radar as anyone else besides ‘Johnny’s friend’, and I doubt he fell in love with me just because of my stupid love letter. I’m just… I don’t know, hoping this isn’t just a big joke to him. I shouldn’t be worried honestly, because he hasn’t done anything yet, but I’m also afraid of getting too close, because it’s just going to hurt more when this whole situation is over.” 

 

Taeil hummed, mulling over Taeyong’s words. “Look, honestly if I was in your situation, I also wouldn’t know what I would do. But I also know you Taeyong, and you tend to blow things way out of proportions making things seem millions of times worse than they are. Regardless of what Jaehyun thinks of you, I’m at the least 99% sure this isn’t a joke to him, even if it may have started as one. He’s genuinely here to help you out. As for Johnny, well he probably wants to talk to you about the letter you sent him-”

 

“It’s not-”

 

“-and when he does, just stick to the plan you and Jaehyun have! You guys have been acting all lovey-dovey for a good amount of time already that it’ll come out believable, and Jaehyun for sure will back you up on it. As soon as that’s over, make up a massive break up story with Jaehyun, cry about it to Johnny and Ten for a couple of days, and then everything will be solved!” 

 

It sounded nice, but Taeil had always been far too optimistic, while Taeyong was the complete opposite. Taeyong looked glumly over at Taeil, who sighed in return.

 

“Look, I know you’re worried, but I don’t think you have to worry about anything honestly. Besides, your last letter, Yuta, he hasn’t contacted you yet right?” Taeyong shook his head no. “Then, I mean, it’s all good! I’m cool with it, Doyoung never got it, Yuta probably ignored it, so as soon as you confront your mysterious last person who you won’t tell anyone even though we all know it’s Johnny-“ 

 

“See Taeyong, we all already know who it is, you should just give up and admit it.” Taeyong looked up in surprise. Jaehyun stood there, grinning cheekily, his green letterman jacket tied around his waist. Taeyong didn’t blame him, the weather was getting much warmer lately, but seeing the other in a tank top also wasn’t doing Taeyong’s heart any favors. 

 

Jaehyun nodded in acknowledgement to Taeil, sitting down on the other side of Taeyong. “Wassup letter #1.” 

 

“How’s it going, letter #5.”

 

“Can you guys both stop.” Taeyong groaned, elbowing Jaehyun’s knees. The other winced at the contact, before plopping down on the other side of Taeyong, stealing a piece of  _ kimbap _ despite Taeyong’s protest. 

 

Taeil watched Jaehyun with a knowing smile on his face that Taeyong desperately wanted to tell him off about, before turning his attention again to Taeyong. 

 

“As for Jeno, well - Jeno’s always been an interesting kid, it’s probably something he’s up to with Jaemin. I wouldn’t worry about him honestly, he’s the least of your worries.” He stuffed his lunchbox back into his bag, stretching out his legs before standing up again. 

 

“Well, my break is over, and I have to get back to work. Keep me updated about you-know-who, okay Taeyong?” He said to Taeyong, before nodding goodbye to Jaehyun and walking off. The two of them watched him go, Jaehyun turning curiously to Taeyong as Taeil crossed the street to his shop. 

 

“What’s up with Jeno?”

 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Taeyong replied, suddenly conscious of what Taeil was saying about Jaehyun before. “What are you doing here?”

 

Jaehyun smirked. “Can’t even see my boyfriend without being questioned?” Taeyong didn’t answer, hyper aware of every one of Jaehyun’s moves. Seeing Taeyong in a silent state, Jaehyun dropped the playful glance into a more gentle smile, pulling something out of his bag and dropping it into Taeyong’s hands. 

 

Taeyong looked down, his eyes furrowing in confusion at the gift. “You came all the way here to give me… gummy bears?” 

 

Jaehyun laughed. “Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to go see a movie or something, I have this gift certificate that apparently is expiring soon, and you said you wanted to see that new romcom that was out?” Taeyong nodded slowly, a surprised look at Jaehyun remembering appearing on his face.

 

“The gummy bears however… well, I was out with Johnny and Mark right before this, and you know Mark and his love for all things sweet right? Well, we stopped by this candy shop after playing some basketball before, and umm…” Jaehyun paused, biting his lip, a bashful look suddenly on his face. Taeyong tried to not think about his earlier conversation with Taeil, but it remained in the back of his head, his heart beating slightly faster. 

 

“I remember you mentioning how much you liked these so I grabbed some for you.” Jaehyun let out a soft laugh. Taeyong felt the corner of his mouth lifting, as he shyly toyed with the bag in his hand. Even after almost two weeks of “dating”, the novelty of having someone care for him like a lover never wore off. Jaehyun for sure was a pro at the whole dating game, and it just made Taeyong’s heart flutter whenever he was one the receiving end.

 

Jaehyun turned to Taeyong. “Also, I made sure that Johnny knew I was getting it for you, so, you know, helped play up the whole relationship to him for later…” Taeyong’s smile faded slightly, and he noticed Jaehyun’s did the same.

 

The blissful feeling from before dulled, Taeyong suddenly aware of the reality of his situation. Because Taeil was wrong. It’s true that Taeyong knew Jaehyun wouldn’t treat this all as a huge joke, that he would see their agreement through until the end. But that’s all it was, just an agreement to help Taeyong out of his mess while giving Jaehyun a little amusement over it all. 

 

And even if the kind smiles and gentle smiles meant Taeyong’s heart was soaring and his feelings growing, he knew it was all just for show. Because in the end, they were just two acquaintances that grew closer because of a love letter, and unlike his romance novels, Taeyong knew this wasn’t going to give him his perfect ending. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

“Thanks for letting me borrow your charger, I swear, my new phone drains my battery like nothing, I’m not even sure how I’m down to 10%.” 

 

Jaehyun nodded in acknowledgement of his thanks. They had been planning to try an ice cream shop that recently opened down the road from their school, but Jaehyun had an emergency basketball team meeting that popped up, and when Taeyong realized his phone was almost dead, Jaehyun had offered to lend him his spare charger in his basketball locker while Taeyong waited for the meeting to finish. 

 

“You sure it wasn’t because of all that online manga you were reading during lunch?” Taeyong glared at Jaehyun, who just chuckled again. “You really don’t mind waiting in the library for me to be done though? I feel bad, I didn’t know our coach would plan a meeting so rapidly like that.” Taeyong shook his head no.

 

“I’ll just work on homework and charge my phone, don’t worry about it.” 

 

They passed by the science room, where Taeyong saw Johnny in, talking with the teacher. The text exchange he had suddenly came to mind. 

 

“Hey,” he turned towards Jaehyun, who hummed in response. “Did you… did you ever figure out why Johnny and Ten were fighting?” Jaehyun shook his head no.

 

“Not at all. I’m surprised actually. I mean, they’ve had their fair share of silent periods, but it’s never gone on this long. Mark thinks that Johnny is hiding something from Ten, but Ten found out and is angry that Johnny won’t tell him what it is.”

 

Taeyong bit his lip, guilty wracking his brain. He wanted to ask Ten, figure out what was going on between them, but the past few days he’s been avoiding the topic and the two of them as much as possible, afraid of what Ten might say was the problem. It was cowardly of him, and he hated it. But in the end, letting so much time pass only left a bigger gap between Taeyong and the problem he needed to fix, and he wasn’t sure if he could survive the jump. 

 

“So…” Jaehyun started suddenly, playing with the hem of his jacket nervously. “I actually got a hypothetical question for you.” Taeyong nodded, encouraging him to go on. “If you had to choose one of your five letters to actually confess too, who would you go for.”

 

“Easy. Yuta.” 

 

“Yuta?” Jaehyun coughed, slowing in his steps to look at Taeyong. “Why?”

 

“Well, he’s the most attainable out of all the five. Taeil is straight, Doyoung is in another country, and you’re totally out of my league.” Jaehyun looked up, mouth open to say something, but Taeyong continued, “Yuta is technically only about 30 minutes away at another school, he’s dated boys before too, and well… sometimes I feel like…” he paused, biting his lip. 

 

“Feel like…?”

 

“Well… sometimes I feel like if he still went to school here, I might have actually… actually confessed to him.” 

 

Jaehyun stayed quiet at that, looking thoughtfully ahead. Realizing the awkward silence, Taeyong laughed nervously: “But what does it matter, Yuta didn’t respond to my letter anyways, so he probably didn’t feel the same way, which I guess means all my possible love stories are complete fails anyways.” 

 

“What about Johnny?”

 

“I swear it’s not Johnny.”

 

Jaehyun laughed hesitantly. They had arrived at the basketball locker rooms, and Jaehyun motioned towards it. “Let me just grab my charger for you, okay?” 

 

Taeyong nodded, as Jaehyun disappeared inside. He unlocked his phone, scrolling through his messages to look at his thread with Yuta. 

 

It had been a while since he’d talk to the other, with Yuta being busy fitting in to his new school. But now, after the letters had been sent out and Taeyong was thinking about the receivers, Yuta had crossed his mind more often than not - and if Taeyong was being really true to himself, the idea of calling the other boy and finding out if he had gotten Taeyong’s letter had been slowly forming in his mind.

 

Because what he told Jaehyun was true. Of his five letters, Yuta was the only one who was close to actually receiving their envelope, and now that it had been sent out anyways, maybe… Taeyong wondered if this was fate’s way of pushing him to that next step. 

 

“Hey, Taeyong?” A familiar voice broke into Taeyong’s thoughts. He looked up. 

 

After almost two weeks of avoiding Johnny, Taeyong cursed himself for not remembering how the captain of the basketball team would most definitely be at the locker rooms right before a team meeting. He stood there frozen, his throat dry and unable to speak. 

 

“I know… I know we haven’t really talked in a while…” Johnny started, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “But I really… um… there’s something I needed to ask-”

 

Taeyong had two weeks to prepare for this conversation, two weeks to figure out what his response was going to be, but now, now that he was actually here in this moment, no words were coming to mind. 

 

So instead, he did the one thing that did. He ran.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

In all honesty, Taeyong had no one to blame besides himself for what had just happened. He knew he shouldn’t have left the situation go unanswered for so long, to the point where he was literally running away from to avoid his problem.

 

He pressed his phone button, cursing as the screen remained black. It was completely dead, and in his haste, he left Jaehyun at the locker rooms without borrowing his charger. 

 

_ Sorry Jaehyun _ , he thought. Hopefully if Jaehyun saw Johnny outside, he’d be able to put two and two together and know why Taeyong disappeared. 

 

But there was no way he could go back to get Jaehyun’s charger after running off like that, and most of the other students had already gone home, meaning Taeyong was left with a dead phone and no way of telling Jaehyun where he had gone. 

 

Lost in thought over what to do, Taeyong didn’t even hear as someone approached him, just barely registering his name being said. He froze however, as it became clear someone was calling him.

 

“Taeyong?” 

 

_ It wasn’t Johnny, _ was his first thought. But the voice was familiar, despite not belonging to someone he spoke to recently. In fact, it was a familiar yet somehow foreign voice, someone he hadn’t heard in person for almost a year now.

 

Taeyong turned, eyes lighting up. A bright smile and warm eyes greeted him. 

 

“Yuta!” Without thinking, Taeyong threw his arms around the other. He pulled back, an amazed look on his face, Yuta grinning back happily at him. 

 

“Wha-What are you doing back? I mean it’s great to see you but it’s been so long and- why-” The words were tumbling out of his mouth, but Taeyong was still in shock. Yuta had grown only a bit, his hair now a dirty pink color instead of the dark brown Taeyong remembered it being. But everything else was the same, from his giant smile and even bigger eyes, and the happiness that seemed to eradicate from Yuta which always brightened everyone else's mood. 

 

“Why didn’t you say anything? I would have met up with you if I knew you would be coming back?” 

 

“I did try to tell you!” Yuta laughed, holding up his phone. “Probably spammed your phone with calls and texts trying to find you.” Taeyong peered closer, seeing his message thread with Yuta on the phone. He looked down at his own, now completely dead cell. 

 

Yuta shook his head in mock disappointment. “Taeyong, you never change do you?” Taeyong lightly pushed him, still smiling brightly.

 

“It’s been so long, you said you’d come by more!”  

 

“Yeah, I kept meaning too,” Yuta held his hands up in defense. “But it took a while to get settled in and get used to my new school - but hey! I’m here now!” He let out a slight cough, rubbing his hand against his neck awkwardly.

 

“I actually had a reason though, for coming out.” Biting his lip, Yuta pulled an envelope out of his back pocket. Taeyong felt his heart drop. Even after three times, the immediate panic of seeing his envelopes in someone else’s hands never fully went away. 

 

“Yuta… I just…” Sensing Taeyong’s faltering voice, Yuta’s eyes widened, as he waved his arms frantically in front of Taeyong.

 

“Oh, wait- I mean- first of all I just - I mean - well- I really really thank you for this I mean I really appreciate this and am honored honestly that the great Taeyong sent me a love letter and I’m rambling right-“

 

Taeyong chuckled, a wave of relief coming over him. Sure, he was nervous seeing the letter, but as much as it brought fear to Taeyong, the fact that it was the third time around made it not as bad as before. If anything - Taeyong thought as he watched Yuta blab on in attempt to explain himself - Taeyong just missed Yuta a lot to care about the letter. 

 

Yuta - seeing Taeyong’s smile - let out a laugh of his own, finally calming down as he handed the letter over to Taeyong. 

 

“Anyways, I guess I just wanted to return this back to you.” Taeyong took the letter back gratefully. 

 

“And umm…” Yuta started again, looking away from Taeyong shyly. “I uh… well… I just wanted to say-”

 

“Taeyong!” Startled by the sudden noise, both Yuta and Taeyong turned abruptly. Jaehyun was running up to them, charger in hand. He slowed his steps as he approached, watching them both with a wary look. 

 

“Hey… Yuta…” he said cautiously. Taeyong eyed him with a confused look. Jaehyun and Yuta has been close friends before, so why was Jaehyun acting distant now?

 

Yuta didn’t seem to notice, as he smiled brightly and clapped Jaehyun on the back. “Hey Jaehyun! Been a while hasn’t it?”

 

“Yeah…” Jaehyun wasn’t looking at Yuta, instead watching Taeyong, who shivered away from Jaehyun’s intense gaze. It wasn’t anything like the sweet or gentle smiles that usually graced Jaehyun’s face, rather, it was something completely the opposite, that sent fear straight through Taeyong. 

 

“I’d love to catch up while I’m around, but right now I got something I need to talk to with Taeyong if you don’t mind.” Yuta - ever the oblivious soul - still didn’t realize the tense atmosphere that seemed to blanket the three of them, instead sending a wide grin as if to send off Jaehyun. Jaehyun blinked slowly, his eyes darting between the two of them. 

 

None of them moved. Taeyong dared to peek up at Jaehyun, who still stood there with his dark gaze, and something that seemed a little like… fear in his eyes? 

 

Yuta chuckled awkwardly, looking nervously at the two. “Like, I’d really love to stay and just chat with you too Jaehyun, but umm… like…” he motioned between him and Taeyong. “-this... thing I have to talk to with Taeyong is a bit private? Not to mention I actually don’t have a lot of time, my boyfriend is coming back to get me in like ten minutes or something-”

 

Taeyong froze. “Boyfriend?” He choked out, looking over at Yuta. “You have a boyfriend?”

 

Yuta paused, suddenly brightening up. Out of the corner of his eyes, Taeyong could see Jaehyun exhaling softly, as if the tension in his body was suddenly relieved.

 

“Yeah, he’s this guy I met at my new school, was my guide for the first week and we hit it off immediately! Actually, he’s the reason I came to give this back to you.” Seemingly forgetting that Jaehyun was there, he motioned to the letter in Taeyong’s hand. “Honestly, I was going to… well… just ignore it. I mean… it would have been awkward to like… call you up and ask about it and everything, and I figured that I wouldn’t see you in a while or something - so we could probably just ignore it the next time we met.” 

 

“But well, my boyfriend said that with something as personal as your letter, that you deserved a proper answer to your confession.” Yuta laughed fondly, as if recalling the memory of the conversation. “That it probably took a lot of courage for you to send it to me, so the least I could do was come back and give you a response in person - even if it was a ‘thank you but sorry’ kind of one. Hell, he was so bent on me doing it that he drove me all the way here for it. So stubborn honestly, but that’s what I love about him.” 

 

Taeyong felt his heart warm at Yuta’s shy grin at the thought of his boyfriend, but at the same time, it hurt all the same. When he had this exact conversation with both Taeil and Jaehyun, neither of them had outright turn him down - since there was more of a silent but mutual understanding - making Yuta his first real rejection. Biting his lip, he willed away the wave of sadness threatening his feelings and smiled warmly back at Yuta. 

 

“It’s fine, I mean, really, the letter was sent on accident anyways-”

 

“Oh shit really? All of them?” Taeyong froze, the melancholic feeling he had turning into panic. 

 

“A-all of them?” he repeated. Jaehyun - who both Taeyong and Yuta had seemingly forgotten about - stepped forward, a similar look of shock on his face. 

 

“How… did you know there were more?” Jaehyun asked, Taeyong silently questioning the same. Yuta scratched his head, embarrassment slowly etching onto his face. 

 

“I mean, the night of my goodbye party, you got pretty drunk and started rambling on about these letters you wrote to all the loves of your life. I never mentioned anything to you because you were pretty adamant on it being a secret even though you… were... like- blurting it out for the whole world to hear that night.” He laughed uncomfortably, looking uneasily over at Jaehyun as if just realizing that the other was still there. 

 

“Honestly, I thought it was you just saying nonsense, and wasn’t sure if you were telling the truth about your letters. And in all honesty,  _ I  _ never expected to get one, I figured you wrote it to Ten instead-”

 

“Wrote me what?” A new voice joined the mix, and Taeyong felt his stomach lurch. 

 

At the same time, Jaehyun looked curiously over at Taeyong. “Wait, I thought your last letter was to Johnny?” Yuta scoffed at that, looking incredulously over at Jaehyun. 

 

“Seriously, Johnny? Taeyong doesn’t like Johnny like that-“ 

 

And it was in that moment, that Taeyong realized that neither Yuta and Jaehyun had heard someone else join their conversation. That the two of them didn’t know someone else was standing there with them, listening to everything they were saying. That  _ Ten _ \- who was one of the two people that Taeyong did  _ not  _ want to be hearing this - had walked up to them just a minute prior, looking confused between the three of them, but only Taeyong had heard him speak before. And Taeyong could do nothing about it, except watch in horror as Yuta continued- 

 

“-he’s had the biggest crush on Ten for the longest time.”

 

“ _ What?” _ It felt as time had stopped, as both Yuta and Jaehyun finally realized Ten was there, dread clear on their faces. Taeyong felt his whole world begin to spin, as he stood there frozen to the spot. 

 

“I’m sorry, Taeyong has a  _ what _ on me?” 

 

He didn't know what to do. He didn’t know what to say. In fact, the only thing on his mind was what he had been doing this whole day - or rather, what he had been doing almost the entirety of this letter problem. Taeyong felt himself slowly moving back, in full preparation to sprint out of there, but Ten lurched forward suddenly, realizing in the moment what Taeyong was planning to do. 

 

“Hold up look,” Ten grabbed onto Taeyong’s arm, eyes pleading with him. Taeyong felt stuck in his spot, looking fearfully back at Ten. He couldn’t do this right now, but Ten wasn’t letting him move at all, so he stood there, his mind completely blank of anything to say. 

 

“You’ve been avoiding me for a bit and I didnt wanna do this in front of Jaehyun so can we talk please -” Taeyong felt his heartbeat speed up.

 

“I know you’re probably so confused but I wrote that so long ago and never meant to send it-” 

 

“What are you talking about?” Ten said frustrated, eyes darting between the three of them anxiously. Yuta stood wordlessly to the side, while Jaehyun kept his eyes pinned on Taeyong.

 

“Isn’t that what you want to talk about? The letter I sent?”

 

“What- no, what  _ letter do you guys keep talking about? _ Taeyong, can you  _ please _ explain to me what’s going on? I don’t know what letter this is, I need to talk to you about something else-”

 

“Wait. Talk about what?” Taeyong didn’t know what was going on. It didn’t make sense.  _ Didn’t Ten see the letter? All of them were sent out, so why doesn’t Ten know about it? _

 

Ten sighed, running his hands through his hair. He glared at the two others, willing them to go away, but neither Yuta or Jaehyun budged.

 

“Look, it’s just-” Suddenly he froze, eyes widening at something behind Taeyong. Taeyong whipped around, his day getting infinitely worse. Johnny had just walked up, watching all of them with an uneasy look on his face. 

 

“Damn it, the one time I get you alone-” he heard Ten hiss, but Taeyong didn’t turn back to face him, instead zeroing his eyes in horror at what Johnny was holding in his hand.  

 

It was an envelope, a very familiar envelope. Pure white and business sized, the only one Taeyong was able to find in his drawer that fateful summer night. The front has been written in shaky letters, which Taeyong had always supposed was because he was drunk while writing it. If Taeyong could squint hard enough, the name _ Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul _ could be seen on the front, and Ten’s address right underneath. 

 

Ten, one of his first loves and one of the few he wrote a letter too. 

 

_ So then why, why in the world was Johnny holding it? _

 

“Oh shit.” he could hear Yuta say. “You wrote one to Johnny too?”

 

Taeyong couldn’t take it anymore, the whole confrontation was coming out worse than all his nightmares put together. He wrenched his arm out of Ten’s hand, taking off away from all of them, praying with all his might that no one followed him. 

 

He just needed a moment to himself. Maybe two. Possibly figure out how to move out of the country forever.

 

“Taeyong, wait!” During the past two weeks, Taeyong had gotten used to Jaehyun’s presence, even welcomed it at times, but this was not one of those moments. He turned around, staring angrily at the other, who took a step back at Taeyong’s strong gaze. 

 

“See? I told you I didn’t send one to Johnny.” He said, feeling the heat of tears coming to his eyes. He looked down, willing them away, not wanting to cry in front of Jaehyun.

 

“Taeyong, I- I’m so-”

 

“Can you just. Stop. Please!” he finally faced Jaehyun again, the tears in his eyes finally breaking through and rolling down his face. Jaehyun took a step forward, but Taeyong waved him away angrily. 

 

“Don’t you see now? This is why I never confessed to anyone, because none of my romances would have come true anyways!” The words were tumbling out of his mouth now, everything he wanted to say finally coming out in the open.

 

“Taeil’s straight. Doyoung’s in another country. Yuta’s dating someone else. And Ten-” he choked. “Even if I’ve loved Ten for so long, I never had a chance with him anyways.” 

 

“Stop being so nice to me Jaehyun. Stop taking me on dates, buying me food, being around me all boyfriend-like. Just, please stop. Because you’re just getting my hopes up, planting another fantasy in my head. Making me fall more and more for you.”

 

“You’re nice Jaehyun, you’re so nice and kind and caring and even more then I’ve dreamed of when I first wrote you that letter. And that’s what sucks, because now I’ve had a taste of what a real romance is like, and I just want more. But I’m never going to get more. Because after every sweet and romantic thing you do for me is just the reminder that it’s all just for show, that none of this is real. That in the end, fairy tales remain fairy tales and never becomes reality.” 

 

The tears were coming down ever faster, and Taeyong felt his face turn hot with shame. He turned away from Jaehyun, allowing himself one slight sob before finishing off. 

 

“You want to know the one thing I’ve learned from all this? I don’t like romance novels because they make me believe in happy endings. No, I like them because while they tell me happy endings exist, they also protect me from the fact that I’m never going to get my own.”

  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  


_ Dear Yuta, _

 

_ Oh Yuta. Tonight was such a magical night, from the romantic candlelight dinner to the walk in the park… It’s like you knew each and every one of my romantic fantasies and gave them all to me in the span of just three wonderful hours.  _

 

_ But then again, it’s you, Yuta, and if there was anyone who would know about my dream date, it would definitely be you. Because Yuta, you’re probably the closest thing I have to a soulmate. We just… click so well. I’ve never met someone I could get along with as well as I have with you - not Taeil, or Johnny, or even Ten honestly.  _

 

_ With you, I feel like I can really act out all my true romantic desires, and you’re always willing to play along. I mean, remember the time we went to go watch the sunrise at the top of the peak just because Jaemin and Jeno did and really loved it? Or even the time you came along with me to that boating event for the Spring Lantern festival even though neither of us is Chinese? I mean seriously, where else will I find someone who will dance with me in the rain with cheesy anime music playing in the background? (Which by the way, sorry about that. I guess it wasn’t really worth coming down with a cold for.)  _

 

_ That day when we were on that boat, sending a lantern up into the sky along with the hundreds of others, you asked me what I wrote as my wish on the balloon, and I said if I told you it wouldn’t come true? Well, I can tell you now. My wish was to find my perfect someone, the one who I would fall in love with and share all my fairytale wishes with, who would be my perfect romance story, my happy ending. And well, the reason I can share it with you now is… is because I honestly think I found him. _

  
  


_ Love,  _

 

_ Taeyong _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: yes lets write a jaeyong fic  
> also me: *thinks of all the possible romantic cliches that yutae could go through* 
> 
> Anyways - hopefully no one saw the minor!yuwin tag this used to have - I removed it so it wouldn’t give away how this chapter was going to go - Yuta’s boyfriend is anonymous here but yeah I had Winwin in mind when writing. 
> 
> Also, thanks for all the comments guys <3 next chapter might be a while because i started a new job this week but i already have it all planned out! just need to write it ^^


	6. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fourth letter: one of his best friends who could never ever ever find out about Taeyong’s crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a while lol but the last bit of this chapter gave me so much trouble to write ugh. this is a long one though, so enjoy!

Taeyong couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with Ten.

 

They met in one of the extracurriculars that Taeyong’s mom had signed Taeyong up for during elementary school, a way to get Taeyong out of the house and more active among his peers. It was a dance class much to Taeyong’s chagrin - he didn’t have anything against it, but after the first ten minutes of the class, Taeyong realized that him and dancing were not a good combination at all.

 

He had been practicing silently in the back during their ten minute break time, not wanting to bother anyone else for help with the steps, when Ten had bounded up to him and firmly exclaimed, “You’re doing the steps wrong.”

 

Taeyong blinked. Ten had let out an exasperated sigh, before stepping into the first pose and slowly showing the movement, Taeyong watching attentively.

 

“See? You have to move your leg like this, and your other foot has to shuffle this way instead-” Ten grabbed his ankle, moving it in the correct position. “-just like that.”

 

Taeyong bit his lip, but mimicked the sequence Ten just did. Ten’s face brightened up.

 

“See! Now you got it!”

 

For the rest of the lesson, Ten had stood next to Taeyong instead of taking a place in the front, and checked on Taeyong after each new move their teacher showed them. At the end of the lesson, Taeyong’s mother and Ten’s brother had arrived to an overexcited Ten dragging Taeyong to show his brother “the cool moves that me and my new friend learned in class today!”

 

Taeyong’s mother was enthusiastic at the prospect of her son making a new friend, and Ten’s brother - who would rather sleep in than drag himself to pick up Ten at 11am on a Saturday morning - readily agreed to a playdate after the next class at Taeyong’s house. After that, it became a tradition for them to hang out after dance, with Taeyong’s mother bringing them to the park or to their house, where the two would have fun until Ten’s mother came for him.

 

Ten was a grade younger and at a different school than Taeyong, so those Saturday dates became the highlight of Taeyong’s week, when he could finally see the other. It became a recurring thing even after Taeyong’s mother passed away, and Taeyong no longer decided to take dance. They still met up as much as they could, or had long phone calls when they couldn’t, and no one was happier than Taeyong was when Ten chose the same high school Taeyong was at to attend. Even after Johnny and Ten got together, he never felt their relationship faltering.

 

Taeyong didn’t know why he never wrote Ten a letter during those earlier years. Even after writing one to Taeil, to Doyoung and Yuta, Taeyong had never sat down and written anything to Ten, who was arguably - the one love that stayed consistent throughout his life.

 

But then the day of Yuta’s going away party happened.

 

Taeyong was drunk, swaying around the kitchen in search for some water. He’d been with Yuta before, but some of his anime club friends had pulled him away for one last goodbye drink, leaving Taeyong alone.

 

He stumbled around a bit, nearly crashing into some girls, before deciding to head outside for some fresh air. Miraculously, he found his way to the door, pushing it open and leaning over the railing, taking in the breeze.

 

The night was going great so far. He’d been more social that night, and as a result, drank more than usual, going along with the fun antics and games everyone had been playing. He and Ten had danced a little in the corner before, laughing at Johnny’s attempt to join them, and Yuta had stolen him for a while before as well - sneaking a few playful touches and flirtatious banter before being dragged away. Yuta’s letter was still pressed firmly in his back pocket, and as soon as he went back inside, he planned to give it to the intended recipient.

 

“Hey, you sure you have to go?” Blinking a few times at the familiar voice, he squinted in the dark, the flickering porch bulb and few street lamps that worked lighting up Johnny and Ten over by the curb. He ducked his head, peeking through the porch frames. They were close to each other and holding hands, and Taeyong didn’t feel like calling out and interrupting their romantic gestures.

 

“They were going to start a dance battle later, but what’s the point if there isn’t a Ten to destroy everyone else’s chances?” Ten let out a small laugh.

 

“Sorry, but tomorrow I have to get up early, so it’s better if I head home now.” Ten fiddled with his car keys. He suddenly looked up at Johnny, a worried look on his face. “Hey, make sure you drive Taeyong home okay? He seemed a bit weird tonight and drank a lot. I think he’s trying to hide the fact that he’s sad about Yuta leaving.”

 

“A good friend, you are.” Johnny joked, laughing as Ten shot him a judgmental glare. Taeyong watched as he pressed his forehead against Ten’s, pulling him close. “I will, don’t worry okay?”

 

“I’m serious Johnny, stay with him tonight too alright? Sometimes I feel bad, between dance and work I never have time to spend with him, and I didn’t realize he and Yuta were that close for him to be this worked up over Yuta leaving.” He sighed, pulling away from Johnny. “I’m such a bad best friend honestly. Taeyong hasn’t been good at expressing himself since his mom’s death, so I promised myself to always be there for Taeyong even when he doesn’t think he needs me, but I’m doing such a bad job of it, aren’t I?”

 

“Hey now, you’re a great best friend. You’ll drop anything and everything whenever Taeyong needs you, even when we’re on a date 40 minutes away at a four star restaurant.”

 

“You said you didn’t mind-”

 

“I really didn’t Ten, don’t worry! I was just joking with you.” Johnny pulled Ten back close. Look, Taeyong definitely appreciates everything you do for him. You don’t know how happy he was when you applied for our high school, it was like a whole weight was off his shoulders. Honestly in the year I knew Taeyong before I met you, I could already tell what a good friend you were to him, because the only time he ever really smiled was when he was talking about things he did with you on the weekend, how much fun you guys had.”

 

“Don’t worry about not spending that much time with him, Taeyong definitely still loves you even if you miss out on like, one or two times of comforting him when he’s sad. Besides Ten, Taeyong is my best friend too. I would have stayed with him even if you didn’t tell me too.”

 

Ten nodded in relief, smiling up warmly at Johnny. Taeyong felt his heart drop, as he sank to the floor of the porch, turning away from the sweet scene in front of him. He felt like crying.

 

It wasn’t fair. Ten was always so nice, always so loving and caring to Taeyong. Johnny was right. After his mother had passed away, Taeyong had found it harder to get close with people, the scars of his mother leaving still fresh in him. Yet Ten found a way to stay in his life, pushing past the walls Taeyong had put up and shining brightly on Taeyong’s life. Ever since their first meeting at the small dance studio on that Saturday morning, Ten had always been there for Taeyong, a permanent fixture in Taeyong’s life as the closest friend Taeyong had.

 

But that was all they would be. _Friends._ Because as much as Taeyong loved Ten, as much as he relied on him and felt comfort in him, as much as Taeyong wanted a perfect ending with Ten by his side...

 

Ten would never feel the same.

 

Taeyong reached back, pulling Yuta’s letter from his back pocket and stared morosely at it, before angrily throwing it against the house wall, as he dropped his head into his lap. Hot tears began to spring to his eyes.

 

All the confidence from before was now gone, and any thoughts of giving the letter to Yuta had evaporated from his mind. Because what good would it be anyways? It wouldn’t have worked out anyways.

 

None of his romances did. Yuta was moving. Doyoung was already gone. Taeil was dating a girl from another school. And Ten…

 

That’s when he realized. Every time he wrote a letter to give to someone it never worked out. Taeil started dating Wendy the day Taeyong went to meet him. Doyoung told him he was moving when Taeyong was about to confess. What good would it be to give Yuta his letter now, when the other would be leaving in three weeks?

 

His letters weren’t the beginning of his perfect romance novel, or the start of a fairy tale relationship. Instead, his letters were his send offs to his crushes, his way of letting them go and sealing his feelings away. They were his way of ending his love story, even if it wasn’t a happy one that he dreamed about.

 

They were his final goodbyes to the people he fell in love with.

 

At that moment, Taeyong knew. He finally understood why Ten never got a letter, even if he was one of the first boys Taeyong had loved. Because after losing Taeil, Doyoung and now even Yuta, Taeyong wasn’t sure he could handle losing his one last fantasy romance with Ten.

 

But now he knew what he had to do.

 

“Taeyong? Are you okay?” Johnny’s voice broke into his thoughts. Blinking away tears, Johnny’s concerned face appeared in his line of sight.

 

“Why… why are you crying?” Johnny asked, using his sleeve to wipe away the tears flowing down Taeyong’s face. Taeyong watched as Johnny looked around, noticing the flung away letter on the floor. Panicking, he flung himself towards it, grabbing it before Johnny could.

 

“Hey! Johnny! Taeyong! I’ve been looking for you guys-” Yuta paused, suddenly realizing the atmosphere on his porch. He dropped down immediately, an anxious look on his face as he reached for Taeyong. “Tae? What’s wrong?”

 

Taeyong didn’t say anything, instead furiously rubbing at his eyes. “I need to go home.” he blubbered, letting out a small sob as another wave of tears formed.

 

Johnny stood immediately, grabbing his bag and reaching for the keys hanging out the side. “Yeah definitely, let me drive you home-”

 

“I need to go home to write another letter.” Taeyong felt his head spinning, as he stumbled around, leaning against the side of the house. “I need to- I need to write one to Ten-”

 

Yuta and Johnny were watching him confused, but Taeyong could care less, tripping over himself as he tried to make his way down the steps. Yuta grabbed him before he could go further.

 

“Hey calm down, Johnny can drive you home but maybe you should get some water first-”

 

“N-no I can’t!” Taeyong heard himself shout, another round of tears threatening to release. “I-I need to go home- I need to write another letter- I need to stop- I need to stop-”

 

 _Stop loving Ten. I need to let him go._  

  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


Taeyong knew that Jeno was watching quietly from the staircase, but he didn’t say anything to his brother, merely sitting on the couch with silent tears streaming down his face. He wasn’t sure _why_ he was crying - considering his mess of a few weeks had finally been cleared up, and all the letters had been found.

 

Except it really hadn’t. Because in the process of trying to avoid the situation, Taeyong was pretty sure he made it far worse.

 

“Taeyong?” Jeno’s soft voice cut into his silent sobs. He turned to see his brother with a timid look on his face. “Umm… Johnny is outside right now.”

 

Taeyong looked towards the door in slight confusion, having not heard the doorbell. As if he heard Taeyong’s silent question, Jeno continued, “He texted me. Said he didn’t want to scare you off with the doorbell, wanted me to ask you if it was alright for him to come in.”

 

Taeyong stayed quiet, but nodded slowly. He watched as Jeno shuffled to the door, opening it and mumbling “come in” to Johnny.

 

Johnny exhaled softly upon entering, sitting down next to Taeyong and smiling gently towards him. He still had the letter in his hands, which Taeyong now noticed was still sealed.

 

“How?” Taeyong finally croaked out. After everything that had happened, there was still one thing Taeyong didn’t understand. How did the letter get into Johnny’s hands?

 

Johnny didn’t answer immediately, but instead looked down at his feet deep in thought. “I was over at Ten’s house when the mail came in. When I saw your letter, I panicked and grabbed it before he could see. Honestly was the stupidest thing I did though, since I can’t lie for shit to Ten. We’ve been fighting since… since he could pretty much tell I was hiding something from him.”

 

Taeyong remained silent, unable to look Johnny in the face. There was still one thing he wanted to ask, but was afraid to say the question out loud.  

 

“Why though? Why didn’t you just let Ten see it and deal with me himself? I mean, you don’t need to be afraid of Ten leaving you for me, he loves you too much to do that.”

 

“That’s not why.” Johnny said, finally looking over at Taeyong. “That night, of Yuta’s goodbye party? You got really drunk on the porch, and kept going on about going home and writing a letter. We were so confused at first, but then you told Yuta and me about how you always write a letter to your crushes, how your letters were like… the manifestations of your fantasy romances.”

 

Taeyong blushed, the memory coming back at full force. Yuta had mentioned it before, but knowing the full extent to which he blurted out about his secret letters was far more embarrassing.

 

“Well, afterward… when I drove you home that night, you kept going on about how no one was supposed to know about those letters, how they were private and your crushes should never see them. Well, I saw the envelope that day over at Ten’s house. That night, when me and Jeno were trying to get you into bed, you had pulled out that exact envelope from your desk.”

 

“It wasn’t hard to put two and two together, and I figured out that you must have written a letter to Ten right after I left your house. What I couldn’t understand however, was why you would have sent it, after going on about how they never could be seen by the receivers. It made no sense, and I honestly thought that it must have been sent by accident.” Taeyong chuckled at how accurate Johnny was. “So… I just… I wanted to confirm with you first, make sure that you meant to send the letter, and then I would have given it right back to Ten.”

 

Taeyong stayed silent, but looked at Johnny in confusion. Johnny exhaled softly.

 

“I wasn’t worried about you like… trying to steal Ten or anything. I know you Taeyong, that if you really sent your letters out, you wouldn’t do it without thinking it completely through. Taeyong, one of your best qualities is how you never make rash judgements, and always think things through and consider every angle of your decision before going through with it. It’s something I’ve always admired about you, your ability to actually think before doing.”

 

And well, if I asked you and you really _did_ mean to send it out… well, I would have put it straight back into Ten’s mailbox and not mention it to him at all. Let him get your letter the way you intended and read it just like you wanted him too.” He let out a slight sigh, running his hand through his hair.

 

“You’re one of the most quiet and unselfish people I’ve ever known, that sometimes I’m afraid you’re never doing anything for yourself, that you’re not actively looking out for things _you_ want in fear of troubling others. That you’d keep quiet even if you wanted to speak out. And well, to me, that meant if there was ever a time you did something for yourself, a moment where you were selfish about your own wants, I would never stop you, even if that meant you were sending a love letter to my boyfriend.”

 

Johnny looked so earnest in his response that Taeyong almost felt like crying again. Maybe it was a week of leading Taeil and Jaehyun to think he wrote Johnny a letter, but Taeyong himself wondered why he never fell in love with Johnny, why the sweet and thoughtful friendship he had with him never developed into something more.

 

But almost immediately, Taeyong knew why. _Because Ten was always there._

 

“I’m not…” Taeyong finally said, still looking away from Johnny. “I’m not going to try and steal Ten from you, just to let you know.”

 

“As if you could.” Johnny snickered. Taeyong glared at him. Still smiling, Johnny handed the letter over. “But Taeyong, I… I really don’t mind if you want to give it to Ten still. In fact, you should go for it honestly.”

 

Taeyong whipped his head over in shock. “Johnny- I don’t like Ten like that anymore-”

 

“I think,” he interrupted, smiling gently at Taeyong as he grabbed his hands, rubbing them encouragingly. “I think- well, we can’t change the past and the fact that all your other letters were sent as accidents at this point. But I also think… that you should have at least the chance to give one of them on purpose, don’t you agree?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Johnny’s words rang in Taeyong’s ears as he sat on his porch steps, looking dazedly out to the street, waiting for the familiar green bike to pull up to his driveway. Johnny had called Ten for him, asking the other to come over, that Taeyong wanted to talk to him. Ten had readily agreed, which meant any moment now, he’d be here.

 

He still didn’t know what to say. Even after having this conversation repeatedly, even after confronting three of his crushes, even after talking with _Johnny_ \- who wasn’t even one of the receivers - about the letters, Taeyong still didn’t feel ready.

 

But there was no turning back. First off, Ten did indeed deserve an explanation from him, especially considering Taeyong ran off earlier. Second - and more importantly - Johnny was right. Maybe Taeyong couldn’t take back the other four letters, or do away with the embarrassment they caused, but at the very least he could give the last one in the way it was intended - straight from Taeyong himself, face to face with the one he loved.

 

The sound of a bicycle rolling to the curb broke into Taeyong’s thoughts, and he looked up to see Ten pulling up, getting off his bicycle and leaning it against Taeyong’s fence before turning towards his house. He froze, seeing Taeyong alone on the porch, before letting out a small smile and sitting down next to him.

 

“Hey,” Taeyong whispered, not trusting his voice to say anything else. Ten nodded back in acknowledgement, before they both of them returned to their silence.

 

“So…” Ten finally replied, peeking over at Taeyong with a slight smirk on his face. “Are you going to confess to me any time soon?” Taeyong groaned, burying his head into his hands. Secretly though, his heart lightened at Ten’s words. At the very least, Ten wasn’t mad, and had an understanding of what was going on. It made it a bit easier on Taeyong.

 

He raised his head up slowly, before awkwardly handing over the letter in his hands. “Um, I wrote this for you,” he started, as Ten took the letter in his hands, a warm smile as he listened. “And first off, I really don’t feel anything for you anymore - I mean, I don’t remember what I wrote in that letter because it was a while ago but I know that now I don’t love you like that anymore- I mean- you’re still my best friend but really I’m not in love with you or want anything more or-”

 

“Hey, Taeyong,” Ten cut in, putting the letter into his lap and grabbing onto Taeyong’s hands. “Calm down, you don’t have to try and explain this away or anything, I just…” he sighed, looking Taeyong straight in the eye.

 

“I want to hear what you wanted to tell me all those years ago. Don’t worry about what I’m going to reply or anything, okay? I just… I want you to be truthful to me, tell me how you feel for real. I really just want to hear you.”

 

Taeyong took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. It was scary how alike Ten was to Johnny, the earnest look Ten had so similar to Johnny’s it was uncanny to see. But that was what Taeyong loved most about them how honest they were to both themselves and to others. Something that Taeyong wasn’t this entire ordeal.

 

But now was a good a time as ever to finally say what he meant to say, with no distractions or insecurities looming over him.

 

“Ten…” he started, looking anywhere but at the other male. “The moment we first met in dance, you’ve been one of the most important people in my life. You’ve always been there for me through everything, and I honestly was the happiest whenever we were hanging out, whether is was going to dance, or getting ice cream, or even just those hour long conversations we’d have over the phone.”

  
“I’ve heard so many people tell me this - Taeil, Johnny, even Jeno - but when they all say that being around you really brings me out of my shell, they couldn’t be any closer to the truth. You’ve been there for me through everything, and I… I just feel so comfortable and at ease with you. And well, I think after all those years of friendship I shared with you, I started to dream of something more.”

 

“Even after you and Johnny got together, I never could shake the feeling off. I felt so guilty at times, when I thought back to how close we were and selfishly told myself you would never be as close to Johnny as you were too me. It was horrible, because Johnny was my friend, and the two of you were one of my favorite relationships in the world. But maybe a tiny part of me… a miniscule yet unwavering part of my heart still held onto the tiny hope my fantasy gave me.”

 

Taeyong paused, sneaking a peek over at Ten, before looking away, the earnest and unwavering look on Ten’s face making his heart skip a beat. But not in the romantic way, at least, not anymore.

 

Because the night of Yuta’s party had changed everything, made Taeyong realize something important about his relationship with Ten. They would never be more than just friends, never become his dream romance story in real life. But that didn’t matter in the end.

 

Because Ten would still be a part of Taeyong’s happy ending, would always be by his side, loving and caring for Taeyong as his best friend - the one who had been with him through the ups and downs of his journey.

 

“That night at Yuta’s party, after listening to you and Johnny talk about me, I realized that I couldn’t think of you as my fairy tale fantasy in the making. Because more importantly than any dream romance I wanted was the real life relationship we already had. You were- _are_ my best friend since that first dance class we had - someone who loved and cared for me as much as I loved and cared for them. And I realized that night that really, I didn’t need anything more than that with you. That really, I didn’t _want_ anything more than that with you. Because having you as my closest friend, someone who has been with me through thick and thin, well, _that_ was more than I could ever dream of.”

 

“That letter… I know everyone has been calling it a love letter, and maybe at first it was meant to be that, but the way I see it now, I wrote you a goodbye letter instead. A goodbye letter to all my romantic feelings and fairy tale hopes that I had with you. It was my way of letting go of all my imaginations and fantasies, because in all honesty, what I had with you in real life was hundreds of times better than any novel I could write in my head.”

 

The air went quiet after Taeyong finished his explanation. Taeyong looked down, biting his lip as he waited for any type of response from Ten. He closed his eyes, hoping that if Ten decided to leave and never talk to Taeyong again, at least he wouldn’t have to see the other walk away.

 

“Taeyong,” Ten finally said. “Thank you.” Taeyong looked over, a surprised look on his face.

 

“Thank you for being truthful and telling me all this,” he continued, staring off into the street with a serene smile. “I know you say this wasn’t meant to be a love letter, but to me, it is. Regardless of if it was romantic or platonic, you poured out your feelings to me in this, and I appreciate it. Thank you. I’ll honestly treasure this letter Taeyong, because it meant a lot for you to write it and give it to me now - even if your hand was forced into doing so.”

 

Taeyong chuckled at that, feeling a wave of relief come over him. It had only been a few weeks, but finally being able to fix his mess took a whole weight off his shoulders.

 

There was still one last thing he needed to correct however.

 

“Don’t be angry at Johnny Ten, he was only trying to protect me in his own way.” Ten exhaled, a weary grin on his face as he ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“Yeah,  Yuta explained to me what was going on after you ran off, and I kind of put two and two together. I could tell Johnny was hiding something from me, just never expected him to actually be hiding some- _thing_ from me.” Taeyong let out a soft laugh at Ten’s words.

 

“I feel so bad though, getting your love letters accidentally sent must have sucked, and even though I know why you didn’t talk to me about it, I feel bad that I couldn’t have been there for you, supporting you silently while outwardly enjoying your embarrassment.” Taeyong rolled his eyes, as Ten smirked wickedly.

 

“Is it too late to take back that letter and my confession?” Taeyong pointed to the letter in Ten’s hands, which Ten held to his chest protectively. They both started giggling. The truth was painful to say at first, but now that it was all over, he realized exactly how much he missed Ten these past few weeks.

 

“So who else got a letter? I know Yuta did, I’m going to guess Taeil as well since you’ve always had a big crush on him-” Taeyong shoved Ten, who laughed again as he righted himself up. “Did you write one to Johnny also?”

 

“No, not to Johnny,” Taeyong finds himself once again saying. Ten hummed, furrowing his eyebrows thoughtfully. He suddenly gasped, turning towards Taeyong again with round eyes.

 

“Wait-” Taeyong could practically see the wheels turning in Ten’s head. “Did… did _Jaehyun_ get a letter? Oh shit, and is _that why_ you guys started _dating?”_ Ten’s mouth curled up into a squeal, his hands covering it in shock. Taeyong sighed and remained silent.

 

“Oh, come on! I just spent two weeks of you ignoring me for some stupid reason, and two weeks of fighting with Johnny when we all could have been gossiping about you and Jaehyun - so you owe me this. Spill. What’s up with you and Jae? Did you guys really start dating because he got a letter from you?”

 

Taeyong sighed, but seeing the glare Ten gave him, gave in. “We’re not really dating.”

 

“Oh come on Tae-”

 

“No it’s true.” Taeyong cut Ten off. “It was Jaehyun’’s idea. If we were ‘dating’, it’d give him more a reason to be around me, and you wouldn’t come to me and ask about the letter in front of him. Also, if you did confront me, then I could just say I fell out of love with you and fell in love with him instead.”

 

“And did you?”

 

“Oh come on Ten, I literally just told you that I don’t like you like that anymore-”

 

“No, I mean did you start liking him instead?” Ten cut in, toying with the envelope in his hands thoughtfully. “Because never mind how Jaehyun looked at you like the entire universe was in your eyes, the way you were looking back was what really sold your whole relationship to me.”

 

“Ten, it really was just fake dating this whole-” Taeyong paused, finally registering Ten’s words. “Wait, the way he looked at _me_? What do you mean?”

 

Ten sighed, shaking his head in disbelief as he let out a soft chuckle. “Taeyong, I’ve never seen a guy so enamored by someone else. That’s what sold your whole relationship to me honestly. The way you two interacted? Well, there’s no way you could fake all that. I doubt you could have really fooled everyone like you did if you guys were _really_ just fake dating with no strings attached. Something was there, it was clear as day to everyone watching you guys.”

 

Taeyong bit his lip, his mind mulling over Ten’s words. How did he feel about Jaehyun? These past few weeks showed Taeyong a whole new side of him, given Taeyong a relationship with Jaehyun that he would never have imagined he would have. But liking Jaehyun?

 

“I… I… It was nice.” he finally said. “And… well I can’t lie and say that my heart didn’t start fluttering at Jaehyun’s actions. So yeah, maybe something changed in the way I felt about him, from this superficial crush to a little bit more. But none of that matters Ten, because you’re wrong. There’s no way he likes me back that way.”

 

“Oh come on Taeyong-”

 

“Ten, really.” Taeyong sighed, leaning his head onto Ten’s shoulder. “Yeah, Jaehyun did help me out because he was interested in me, but not in the way you are saying he was. It’s strictly because of my ridiculous letter I sent, nothing else.” Ten opened his mouth as if to disagree, but Taeyong looked away.

 

“Besides, right now, even though pretty much everything else was solved, there’s still one thing I don’t understand that is more important for me to think about. How the hell did my letters get sent out in the first place? I keep retracing my steps but I can’t think of a single way I could have mistakenly left them out somewhere and my dad sent them accidentally, and no other reason I come up with makes any sense! Like, how in the world did they get from my dresser to everyone’s mailboxes in the first place?”

 

“I might…” Both Taeyong and Ten whipped around in shock. Taeyong hadn’t even noticed Jeno was curled up behind them with a guilty look, and felt his heart slight sink. He had a bad feeling he knew what Jeno was about to say.

 

“I might… have the answer to that…”

 

Taeyong growled, turning around to face Jeno head on. “Jeno you-”

 

“Okay no listen before you kill me alright,” Jeno stood up suddenly, a panicked look in his eyes. He took a step back cautiously, eyeing Taeyong’s murderous glare warily.

 

“Okay, like that night when we were watching the movie with Jaemin and you started talking about how you wanted someone to buy you roses and stuff, and how you’d never get a date, well, Jaemin was really really sad that night because you were putting yourself down and stuff, saying you would be a really awkward and boring boyfriend-”

 

Ten looked over at Taeyong with a pout. “Wait, really? Taeyong you’re a good catch you know?”

 

“-and well afterwards, he kept going on about how I needed to be a better brother and figure out who you liked so that Jaemin could help set up a date and everything, and, well... I was telling Jaemin about your letters-”

 

“How did you know about the letters.” Taeyong growled, advancing slowly towards Jeno, who raised his arms in defense.

 

“That night when Johnny brought you home all drunk and shit, and you wrote that letter to Ten, I was there, trying to get you to go to sleep! I swear, you should appreciate everything I do for you Taeyong, like taking care of your drunk ass, finding a paper and pen for you to write your letter, and…” Jeno paused, the guilty look still on his face as he slowly backed away from the steps, pulling the door behind him open.

 

“MaybeIsawyourlettersoutonyourdresserandwastheonetosendthemout-”

 

Taeyong didn’t bother listening anymore, lunging for Jeno - who had managed to slip inside and close the door behind him as he ran for the living room. Taeyong threw the door wide open and stalked inside, pulling one of the pillows from the couch before he began wacking his brother with it.

 

“What is wrong with you- I don’t understand - you stupid asshole- Why did you-” Taeyong took a deep breath, but his anger seemed to only grow. Ten watched from the side, slightly amused.

 

“Hey look okay- I was pretty sure I was doing you a favor anyways- _Owww- okay okay_ , I mean- I apologize for sending Taeil’s letter out and the whole mess it created, and Ten’s too, and I guess Yuta’s as well- I mean Doyoung never got his so I don’t need to apologize- _okay okay_ yes sorry for sending Doyoung’s letter also! But!” he paused, grabbing the pillow from Taeyong’s hands and looking firmly back at him.

 

“I don’t apologize for sending Jaehyun’s!” Taeyong froze midway to grabbing the pillow back from Jeno. Seeing Taeyong’s slight pause, Jeno threw the pillow out of reach before pulling Taeyong down next to him.

 

“I’m not going to apologize for sending Jaehyun’s, because after watching the two of you these past few weeks, I think that might have been the best thing I’ve ever done.” Taeyong opened his mouth in protest but Jeno continued, “Listen, I honestly don’t believe you when you said that you guys were fake dating and it meant nothing to the both of you. That’s got to be bullshit Taeyong. Ten’s right, you guys looked at each other like all of the main protagonists do in those stupid romance movies you and Jaemin love.”

 

“Both of you guys, stop.” Taeyong finally said. “I’ll admit Jaehyun and I got a lot closer these past week alright. But seriously, _that’s it._ What you guys saw was really just us pretending.” Neither of the two looked convinced. “Really?”

 

Jeno and Ten looked at each other, and Taeyong could see a slightly pitiful stare pass between them. He didn’t like it.

 

“Taeyong, why is it so hard to accept the fact that Jaehyun might actually like you back?” Ten finally asked, sitting down on the other side of Taeyong. Jeno looked on, curiosity also in his eyes.

 

“No offense Taeyong, but your entire life, all you’ve been doing is making up these fantasy romances with people anyways, even if there was a slight chance they would ever become a reality.” Taeyong glared at Jeno, who slightly slide away from his brother. “I’m not saying anything is wrong with that! But here you have someone who is showing some interest in you, so why are you so afraid of a fantasy romance with him in real life?”

 

Why was he afraid? Taeyong wouldn’t admit it to the two, but he had entertained the idea that Jaehyun may have felt something back for him, a small bud in his heart that only grew more and more as Ten and Jeno edged it on. It wasn’t like the movies, were in just a small span of two weeks Jaehyun would magically fall in love - but Taeyong couldn’t miss the subtle changes in Jaehyun’s behavior, or the small gestures and shy glances that began growing between them.

 

But he could never let it go farther than that, especially now, after he had blown up at Jaehyun before. Because even if Taeyong was lying to Ten, lying to Jeno, even lying to himself about how much more he was in love with Jaehyun now - he didn’t want to risk this new feeling of longing he had for something that just might not be there.

 

“Because…. Because…” he sighed, his head dropping into his hands in defeat. “Even if the slightest part of my heart wants to believe, I don’t want to get hurt - don’t want to go to him tomorrow and find out that everything I was hoping for, everything that I felt these past two weeks, that it’s all just for nothing. That in the end, he never liked me in the first place. At least in my fantasies, I could give myself happy endings. What if this isn’t it for me? What if Jaehyun isn’t my perfect romance like I want him to be? I’m afraid of that possibility, too much to even try.”

 

“So what if Jaehyun isn’t the one, even in fairy tales, the protagonists face heartbreak too!” Ten looked exasperatedly over. “Is it really worth not trying? Does rejection really scare you that much, even after you’ve been pretty much turned down three times this past two weeks? Think about it Taeyong. You managed to confront me and Yuta and Taeil, suffered the embarrassment of having to explain your letters, yet you’re still fine. So why is it so hard to talk to Jaehyun, confess to him and see what he says back? You said before that you're glad for the real life relationship you have with me, so why not find the same with Jaehyun?”

 

Taeyong remained silent, unable to look his brother or Ten in the eyes. Ten sighed again, before scooting closer to Taeyong.

 

“You know what I think?” Taeyong mutely looked up finally, just barely being able to meet Ten’s gaze. “I think, you should take the risk Taeyong. Because sure, being in love in your head is great, the fantasies and hopeful desires all perfectly catered to you Taeyong.”

 

“But in the end, can it really replace that longing you have for a real life romance?”

  
  
  


\---

  
  
  


_Dear Ten,_

 

_Sometimes I want to go up to Johnny and tell him that it’s not fair. I’ve known you longer, ever since we were in elementary school suffering through Ms. Song’s dance lessons. Hell, I was the one who introduced you two! And yet, he’s the one who managed to win over your heart. It hurts a lot, because by all means, I liked you first._

 

_But than after I think that, I immediately feel bad. Because you and Johnny are so perfect together, two halves of one whole. All the years of being your friend has clued me in to what type of person would be best for you Ten, and in all honesty, you’ve met your soulmate in Johnny. And well, I believe that everyone has their one perfect person, the one who they are meant to be with, and it’s quite obvious that you’re Johnny’s and he is yours. Not me._

 

_I love you Ten. Have always loved you, all these years. But tonight, I realize something different about the love I have for you. You’d probably laugh if I told you that the first time I got drunk, I had an epiphany like this. But really, I feel like it suddenly makes sense to me. That yes, I love you Ten, and that will never change. But maybe the love I feel for you isn’t what I thought it was, wasn’t like the romance I see in my mom’s books or those fairy tale movies you hate but I love. No, I can’t find what I feel for you in any book or movie, because our relationship is far beyond the cliches and predictable stories in those. You’re like a rock to me, someone that has been a stable presence in my life, who has supported me through thick or thin - never wavering or pushing me away. And I will forever love you for being there for me like that._

 

_So thank you Ten. Thank you for letting me love you all these years, and thank you for always showing your kind and caring side back to me. I’ll never be able to fully explain how much you mean to me, but only that no matter what our relationship is - even if it’s just as friends but never as lovers - I never want to let this love for you go._

  


_Love,_

 

_Taeyong_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... pls ignore the fact that taeyong is among the best dancers in nct just so ten could teach him the steps in this chapter ^^


	7. Jaehyun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fifth letter: the basketball team vice captain and most popular boy in school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a while again, but enjoy! finally made it to the last letter! also, chapter count went up bc i have no self control haha.

Taeyong could think of a lot of other things he would rather be doing on Valentine’s day then waiting for Jaehyun to show up to tutoring. 

 

Usually, on any other day, Taeyong wouldn’t mind. He was used to it, sitting around and hoping for _anyone_ to come to his tutoring sessions. For the most part, most of the people on his tutee list would only come once or twice in a blue moon - mostly around midterms week -  meaning Taeyong spent most of his time working on homework, making worksheets to send to his tutees (along with a friendly reminder that he had tutoring hours! If anyone wanted to stop by!), or just reading his new favorite author. In Jaehyun’s case, Taeyong could count on one hand how many times Jaehyun showed up to his sessions - mainly because that number remained a big fat 0. It didn’t matter to Taeyong though. He still got community service hours just for waiting around. 

 

But that day, Taeyong honestly wanted to be anywhere but in his usual corner at the library, looking out for Jaehyun. He was going to just leave anyways, but his teacher had emailed him earlier saying she was forcing Jaehyun to show up that day and _would you please please please wait around for him?_ And well, Taeyong didn’t say no, but he really wanted to. No one wanted to be in school on a Friday, and it was Valentine’s Day of all things. Taeyong would much rather be at home, curled up with his mom’s novels and all the romance movies he could find, lamenting on his singlehood in between _Pretty Woman_ and _Sixteen Candles._

 

But instead he was here in the library, waiting around for a person who would almost definitely not show. Not only was Jaehyun’s track record horrible to begin with, but there was no way Jung Jaehyun - the second most popular guy at school and number one most eligible bachelor amongst the basketball team - didn’t have some sort of plan for that day. But alas, his teacher was adamant that Jaehyun would be there. Despite the fact that it was twenty minutes past their allotted time, and still no Jaehyun around. 

 

Taeyong doubted Jaehyun even _knew_ Taeyong was his assigned tutor. There was no way he was coming that day at all. 

 

“You’re Taeyong, right?” A textbook suddenly appeared on the table that Taeyong was currently glaring at, and when he looked up, a familiar green varsity jacket showed, worn by a smiling Jaehyun. Taeyong gaped. 

 

Still smiling, Jaehyun took the seat across from Taeyong, swinging his bag onto the table in front of him. “I was told that I had better show up for your tutoring hours today or else prepare to face the more ‘severe consequences’, and, well, Ms. Kim kind of scares me so I didn’t want to risk it.” 

 

Taeyong knew what Jaehyun meant, since Ms. Kim was infamous for her kind yet somehow threatening smile. That still didn’t relieve the shock he felt however, at seeing an actual live person at his tutoring sessions. In fact, the fact that _Jaehyun_ of all people showed up was a miracle in itself. 

 

But regardless, Taeyong had a job to do. Blinking to regain his composure, he nodded and pulled out a notebook. Jaehyun, seeing Taeyong’s movement, pouted. 

 

“Can’t you just sign off that I was here so we can both go, it’s _Friday,_ ” he whined. Taeyong bit his lip and dug more into his backpack, willing himself not to look at Jaehyun at all. 

 

“I’m sure you would rather be anywhere else but here, in school, on a Friday afternoon Taeyong. _I’d_ rather be anywhere else but here too. Come on, I won’t tell Ms. Kim!” Taeyong could feel the pull of Jaehyun’s words, almost wanting to give in, but he shakes his head resolutely.

 

“No, now that you’re here, we have to at least study,” Taeyong grabbed Jaehyun’s textbook, “statistics- wait.” he paused, “Why the hell do you have a statistics textbook?”

 

“Umm… to study?” Taeyong groaned. 

 

Despite the popular stereotype of the dumb jock, Taeyong knew Jaehyun wasn’t that. Jaehyun shared a lot of honors classes with Ten - something that in itself was hard to get into and harder to stay in. However, right at that moment, Taeyong couldn’t help but think that Jaehyun was playing into the cliche very well, considering the fact that-

 

“You’re telling me, literally 6 months into the school year, you’ve been doing work from a statistics textbook when you’re quite literally in _trigonometry class_?” 

 

Jaehyun laughed, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head in disbelief. 

 

“Well actually, what I’m telling you is, I grabbed this textbook from Mark because I don’t even know where my textbook is,” he smirked. “And I know I’m in trig, I’ve been doing your worksheets as practice.” 

 

Oh. That was a surprise. Taeyong worked hard on those worksheets, despite figuring no one bothered to use them. It felt… weirdly comforting that Jaehyun was using them at least. 

 

That didn’t change the fact that Taeyong should be helping him study right now. “Okay, well, I have a few more you can do then so we can see what else you might need help on-” 

 

“Come on Taeyong,” Jaehyun leaned forward. Taeyong bit his lip as Jaehyun got closer to his face, the twinkle in his eyes making them shine. “How about this? You let us go early, I’ll buy you some ice cream as well, how’s that.”

 

 _Damn._ It wasn’t like Taeyong wanted to stay around anyways, and ice cream did sound good. But even as his heart got pulled further into Jaehyun’s trap, his conscience was telling him to stay.

 

He righted himself up, staring Jaehyun in the eyes firmly. Two could play this game.

 

“You are _not_ going to be able to bribe me with ice cream.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Spoiler alert: I was indeed able to bribe you with ice cream.” Taeyong glared at Jaehyun, before returning to the ice cream bins in front of him, the multitude of flavors distracting him for a moment.

 

“We _compromised_ okay,” he muttered, looking between the chocolate peanut butter flavor and the mocha hazelnut one, wondering which of the two was sweeter. “As long as you finish all those worksheets I send you, I won’t tell Ms. Kim you didn’t show up to tutoring today.”

 

“But I did show up,” Jaehyun retorted. He was grinning mischievously however, no malice in his tone at all. “And I say just get two scoops, one of each, you’ve been staring at them for so long, the ice cream is going to melt before you make a decision.”

 

“Shut up,” Taeyong scowled, but motioned for the cashier to come over, picking as Jaehyun had said while ignoring the smug grin the basketball player had on his face. He was getting free ice cream out of this, and that was all that really matter to him. 

 

“Would you like any toppings on your ice cream?” Taeyong peeked over at the toppings, before sneaking a side glance at Jaehyun. The other chuckled.

 

“Hey, I promised you ice cream, that includes anything you want on top of it as well.” 

 

Taeyong nodded, happily pointing towards the glass. “Can I get the gummy bears, please?”

  
  
  
  
  


“I never pegged you to be an ice cream kind of guy,” Taeyong commented, as they left the shop, cones in their hands. “Not to mention, I thought I was the only crazy person around who would get ice cream on a cold winter day like this one.” Jaehyun smiled at that, biting a chocolate topping off his ice cream. 

 

“What can I say? Today’s a sweets kind of day.” Jaehyun replied. “I was hoping to get cake slices instead, but all the bakeries and cafes around are filled to the max today.”

 

 _Because of Valentine’s Day._ Taeyong thought uncomfortably to himself. He suddenly realized that Jaehyun probably had a date that he needed to get too, and the ice cream was only a formality to thank Taeyong for letting him go early for it.

 

“So… any plans for Valentines Day?” Taeyong asked quietly. He was enjoying the company of Jaehyun, but didn’t want the other to stay around especially if he had something else to get too. 

 

Jaehyun however, just shook his head no. “Well, I have dinner with my mom later, but she doesn’t get out of work until 6pm - so I was just gonna see if I could grab a box of chocolate or something on my way home for her.” 

 

Taeyong blinked. “Really?” he blurted out, and immediately regretted it. “I-I mean, nothing wrong with a dinner with your mother in fact that’s really nice and sweet but I-I thought- I mean- don’t you-”

 

Jaehyun laughed. “It’s been our yearly tradition for years now. Valentine’s Day we cook a nice dinner together, and watch some romcom afterwards. I think this year she wants to watch _Valentine’s Day_. I know, that’s pretty cliche, watching it on Valentine’s Day…”

 

“I think it’s a good movie choice,” Taeyong cut in. He bit his lip, trying to conceal the smile threatening to break out. He knew what they were doing right now wasn’t in anyway a date - but he wouldn’t lie and say that being the only one (besides Jaehyun’s mother of course) to spend time with Jaehyun on Valentine’s Day didn’t give him a warm, fluttering feeling even the slightest bit. In fact, it made his heart beat even the tiniest bit faster, as he looked over at Jaehyun’s gentle smile. 

 

“You ever try that drugstore down nearby the park?” Taeyong licked another stripe off his ice cream. Jaehyun opened his mouth as if to state his confusion, but Taeyong cut in. “I know I know, getting chocolate from a drugstore might not be your idea of a good gift, but they’re the only place I know around that carries this brand from Japan, and I especially like their matcha filled ones.”

 

“Oooh, thanks for the recommendation then, I’ll stop by and see if they have any - my mom’s a big fan of matcha stuff so that’d be a great gift.” Jaehyun slowed in his steps, suddenly nodding upwards towards the street sign. “You live down here, don’t you?”

 

Taeyong blinked. They had somehow walked over to Taeyong’s exact street.

 

“Before you call me a stalker, I just know the street number because Johnny’s driven Ten over to your place a bunch of times with me in the car, that’s all.” Jaehyun, sensing Taeyong’s silence as a negative response, held his hands up in defense of himself. “Nothing else too it, I swear.” 

 

Taeyong laughed at that, turning away slightly to hide the blush on his face. He stuffed his empty ice cream wrapper into his pocket, receding into a shy pose away from Jaehyun.

 

“Well… um… thanks for the ice cream then.” he muttered bashfully. Jaehyun hummed his acknowledgement. “And for walking me home, I guess?” 

 

“No worries Taeyong, thanks for letting me out early and giving me that suggestion for chocolate.” Jaehyun smiled in return. “I’ll see you around, right?”

 

“Y-yeah,” Taeyong barely whispered as an answer, but Jaehyun heard, grinning with his teeth shining brightly and waving away a last goodbye. Taeyong slowly backed away, turning with great resistance as if not wanting to let Jaehyun out of his sight. It wasn’t everyday that he spent a good hour with someone as popular as Jaehyun, and the whole afternoon seemed to be straight out of a textbook romantic date, to the point where Taeyong was wondering if he had just dreamt up the whole time, and as soon as he couldn’t see Jaehyun anymore, the whole memory would just fade away. 

 

Taeyong didn’t want it too though. Because even if Jaehyun treating him to ice cream was merely a way to pay Taeyong back for their faux study session, it still gave him a giddy feeling inside, as if their afternoon together was more than just that. And even if Taeyong was perfectly fine with being single all his life, perfectly content to just stay at home, surrounded by all the movies and books he could find, the slight actions of Jaehyun that day had Taeyong filled with euphoria at what was probably the first Valentine’s Day date he had ever gone on before.

 

“By the way, Taeyong!” Jaehyun called out. Taeyong turned around, to see Jaehyun looking over with a somewhat smug look on. He felt his heart thump a few times, which only beat faster as Jaehyun let out a slight chuckle, a warm smile and kind eyes spreading across his face. It was the same face that stuck with Taeyong throughout that night, when - instead of drowning himself in romcoms and stuffing his face with chocolate - he wrote another letter, his pen scrawling penmanship on a piece of stationery he bought, his feelings and emotions pouring out once again onto paper, another letter for his private collection.

 

“Thanks for spending Valentine’s Day with me!”

  
  


\---

  
  
  


“I don’t think I can do this,” Taeyong moaned, dropping to his bed in despair. Taeil sat down next to him, patting his head comfortingly. It did nothing for Taeyong, as he sunk lower into his sheets, letting out a muffled scream. 

 

“I mean, I already messed things up with Jaehyun pretty bad, even if I apologize to him, what good will it do?”

 

“Honestly, it’s a start?” Taeil commented, leaning over to face Taeyong. Taeyong just pushed his face out of the way. “Besides, I doubt Jaehyun will be angry at you or anything like that, he’s too into you for that. If anything, he’s probably only feeling a little upset and confused right now, so you just got to go meet him and explain it all, and voila! You guys can start dating for real!”

 

“That’s not how life works Taeil.” Taeyong frowned. “Also, Jaehyun does not like me like that - you all have to stop with that. This is just me apologizing for dragging him into this mess, nothing else.”

 

“Sure…” Jeno rolled his eyes from his perch on Taeyong’s desk. Taeyong threw a pillow in his direction. 

 

“Hey, all I’m saying is, I don’t think Jaehyun minded being dragged into your mess. In fact, I’m pretty sure he was hoping it would go on a bit longer, just so he could keep pretending to be your boyfriend. I’ve heard about Jaehyun from Mark - as much as he plays up the confident jock stereotype, he’s really a shy guy - probably too shy to ask you out for real after falling for your weird antics.” Another pillow went flying in Jeno’s direction.

 

“ _What I’m trying to say is,_ Jaehyun is seriously whipped for you after these two weeks, that it’s not going to take a lot for you to get him back - and this time, as your _real_ boyfriend. All you have to do is dress up a bit, put on a whole lot of eyeliner or whatever, and as soon as you show up he won’t be able to say no to anything you say.” Jeno paused again, eyes lighting up.

 

“It’s just like _Cinderella,_ we’re your loyal mice giving you a makeover so you can go meet your Prince Charming at the ball!” Jeno winced, as he suddenly realized exactly what he said. “Wow, I’m turning into a romantic sucker like you and Jaemin.”

 

Taeyong sighed. “This isn’t a romance movie you guys. I don’t need a whole makeover montage of whatever, because there isn’t any ‘Prince Charming I need to meet. It’s just Jaehyun-”

 

“-who has pretty much been your romantic love interest these past two weeks-”

 

Taeyong glared at Jeno. “ _-Jaehyun,_ who I am just going to apologize too, nothing else.”

 

“What about his jacket though?” Taeil, who had been quiet through Taeyong and Jeno’s rambles, suddenly spoke up.  “If he gives you his jacket - would that be enough proof that he likes you for you?” 

 

Taeyong paused. _Jaehyun’s jacket._ Taeyong had almost forgotten about the basketball team tradition after their season, of giving their letterman to someone they were interested in, until Ten reminded him before leaving the day before how everyone would be expecting Taeyong to get Jaehyun’s. If this was before their fight, Taeyong would have expected the same. They were still - in the eyes of the school population - dating, and the whole jacket giving scenario would have been the icing on the cake of their dating scheme. Not to mention, a part of Taeyong had been excited about the possibility. It seemed like a scene straight out of a romance movie. 

 

Except his life wasn’t a romance movie. There were no flying hearts or magical love potions, or any of the other cliches he loves. Right now, Taeyong didn’t even know exactly what his standing with Jaehyun was, and - even as everyone kept reassuring him there was no animosity - Taeyong was afraid to let everyone's words get to him. 

 

Because as much as he may have craved for something like all the love stories he’s read, may have hoped for a fairy tale romance with Jaehyun like he’s seen, Taeyong hardly believed his reality would work out that way. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The party was in full swing when Taeyong and Jeno arrived, strobe lights lighting up the house and the smell of alcohol already strong. Taeyong sidestepped as two boys ran passed him out the door, giggling to each other. He hadn’t even stepped in yet, and Taeyong was already feeling sick to the stomach. 

 

“This was a bad idea, maybe we should go home-”

 

“You’re not going anywhere Taeyong, or else I’m going to show everyone here your dance videos from elementary school.” Ten walked up to the two of them, already holding a red solo cup in his hand. Jaemin bounded up behind him, giving Taeyong a hug before latching onto Jeno. 

 

“Jaehyun hasn’t arrived yet, he’s probably going to be late.” Jaemin said. Taeyong bit his lip, turning towards Ten - who he just noticed was already wearing Johnny’s varsity jacket, reminding Taeyong of the basketball team tradition. He smiled softly to himself, glad that even in the end Johnny and Ten’s love had stood strong. Even after all the romance novels he read and movies he watched, Johnny and Ten remained his utmost favorite relationship of them all. 

 

“I see Johnny wasted no time in giving you his jacket,” Jeno said dryly, also noticing Ten’s jacket. “What big scene did he cause this time when presenting it to you?” Ten chuckled slightly, twirling as if showing off. 

 

“I actually told him to give it to me before we came here, figured it wasn’t worth the theatrics you know?”

 

“What bullshit Ten, you walking in already _wearing_ a basketball team jacket is already theatrical enough. Look around you, everyone’s already talking about you and how you’re the first to get someone’s jacket.” Indeed, it seemed as if all eyes were on Ten, and Taeyong could already hear the whispers of how Johnny must have presented it to Ten. It did nothing to his nerves.

 

“Did you hear? Jungwoo got a jacket!” 

 

Taeyong whipped his head around as two girls passed, whispering excitedly. He bit his lip, feeling anxious for a moment. Jungwoo was close with Jaehyun, maybe close enough for Jaehyun to give Jungwoo a jacket.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s not your lover boy.” Ten took a swig of his cup, patting Taeyong comfortingly on the shoulder. “Lucas did the same thing last year, gave his to Jungwoo so he could focus on just partying it up and not having girls hang around him hoping to get his jacket. Sucks though, because I heard Jungwoo has a crush on Lucas, that must be harsh on him.”

 

“Oh,” Taeyong paused, a slight wave of relief overcoming him. He frowned. “Wait, I’m not looking to get Jaehyun’s jacket or anything.”

 

“Liar-” Jaemin coughed next to him, before wincing as Taeyong pinched his side. 

 

“I’m just here to talk to him and apologize, that’s all,” Taeyong looked around nervously, still no sight of Jaehyun around. “That is, you know, if he ever shows up.” Ten rolled his eyes, finishing what was in his cup and setting it down. 

 

“Keep lying to yourself Tae,” he replied, waving off at the three of them. “I’ll go find Johnny, Jaehyun’s probably with him right now.” 

 

Jeno and Jaemin exchanged glances with each other as Ten walked off. “I think we’ll also take our leave now, you know, walk the crowd looking for Jaehyun…” The two of them began to walk off, but Taeyong just glared at them and grabbed the back of their shirts.

 

“No, you two are staying right here, with me, until I find Jaehyun and talk so we can go home.” Taeyong hissed, pulling them both next to him. “It’s your fault this whole mess even started, so don’t you dare go anywhere you two.” 

 

“Oh come on Taeyong,” Jeno whined, as both of them started to pout at Taeyong. “Mark has this whole romantic scheme planned out for giving his jacket, we wanted to go see and make fun of him for it-”

 

“Even more reason for you to stay right here with me.” Taeyong grabbed Jeno’s arm, dragging him as they walked off towards the kitchen, which Taeyong could see was slightly less crowded. “I need you guys there so I don’t embarrass myself anymore in front of Jaehyun, and then afterwards we are going straight home so I can go rewatch John Hughes movies and cry into a bucket of ice cream like all romantic protagonists do after they get unceremoniously dumped-”

 

“Woah woah woah, Taeyong calm down,” Taeyong didn’t notice he had been rambling, as Jeno stopped him from stalking off more, looking concerned. “First off, you’ll do fine talking to Jaehyun, I mean, you’ve done it for already two weeks-”

 

“Yeah but we were actually on friendly terms then, now I don’t know what he thinks of me-”

 

“Should I remind you that your first actual conversation you kissed him and he still stuck around with your awkward ass?” Jeno cut in, as Taeyong bit back a retort. “Second off, I don’t know why you don’t believe Jaehyun liked you back, I mean, if even _Taeil_ could see it than it has to be true, you know?” 

 

“But-”

 

“And third,” Jeno said, “You already lost Jaemin anyways, and you’re about to lose me too. Good luck talking to Jaehyun though!” Taeyong squinted, confused. 

 

“Wait what?” He looked around, suddenly noticing it was just him and Jeno in the kitchen. “Where did Jaemin go-” He turned back just as Jeno disappeared into the crowd, groaning as he threw his head back in anger. 

 

“Damn it Jeno, you absolute asshole-”

 

“What did Jeno do this time?” Taeyong flinched, uprighting himself. It almost alarmed him how readily he could recognize Jaehyun’s voice, but he supposed after two weeks of dating it was a given.

 

 _Fake_ dating, Taeyong reminded himself. 

 

“He-Hey, Jaehyun.” Taeyong stammered, as he watched Jaehyun walk closer to him. Jaehyun looked good. Taeyong always knew he was handsome, but there was something about that dark kitchen with flashes of lights passing every once in a while that made Taeyong really look at Jaehyun, really notice him. Jaehyun had pushed his hair up, a look Taeyong knew made his fangirls swoon and didn’t help Taeyong’s heartbeat as well. He had on a simple white t-shirt and stonewashed jeans, his varsity jacket worn loosely on his shoulders. But maybe everyone’s words were getting to him more than he cared to admit, because even Jaehyun in such a simple fit made Taeyong dizzy, his heart rate increasing and mind turning fuzzy despite not even having a drop of alcohol yet. 

 

 _Focus on what you came for Taeyong,_ he scolded himself. It didn’t help how Jeno, Taeil, and Ten had pretty much planted a seed of hope in his mind, but Taeyong was determined not to let his fantasies get ahead of him this time. He was here to apologize, that was all.

 

“Um, Jaemin said you were looking for me, and you’d be in the kitchen, so…” Jaehyun stood there awkwardly, as they both looked anywhere but at each other. Taeyong internally thanked and cursed his brother’s boyfriend, before peering again at Jaehyun, who himself was taking a slight glance at Taeyong. They froze, before slightly chuckling, the awkwardness of catching each other’s glance ironically lessening some of the nerves Taeyong was feeling. 

 

But not all of them, as Taeyong realized at that moment it was just him and Jaehyun alone in the kitchen. Taeyong’s seen this exact scene played out many times in movies or books, where leaving the protagonist with their love interest alone in a dark enclosed space always led to the climax of the story, where one or the other would confess their feelings only to find out it was returned, leading to the moment of final clarity and romantic music that only heightened the passionate emotions that had been held in for all the time before-

 

Taeyong shook his head, trying to clear the imagines away. This was not that type of scene. He had only one reason to talk to Jaehyun, one that was in no way like any of the cliche type scenes.

 

He took a deep breath in, trying to regain a slight composure while thinking of what to say to Jaehyun. He shivered slightly, both because of his nerves and the fact that somewhat had turned the air conditioner on to a ridiculously low temperature. 

 

Jaehyun seemed to catch Taeyong’s action, and - presumably assuming it was just the latter reason, hurriedly shook off his jacket, even as Taeyong held his hands up in protest. 

 

“Here, take this,” Jaehyun draped his jacket around Taeyong’s shoulders. Despite his initial protests, Taeyong took it gratefully, glad to have something to cover his bare arms. He could smell a hint of Jaehyun’s cologne on it, which unfortunately did nothing for his nerves. It only reminded him of why he wanted to talk to Jaehyun that night.

 

“Look I-”

 

“Taeyong I wanted to-”

 

They both let out another laugh, as Taeyong blushed and dropped his gaze to the ground. “You can go first.”

 

Jaehyun exhaled. “Okay, well, I wanted to say sorry you know, for… um… I guess not taking your feelings into consideration when we were… um… fake dating and all that.”

 

Taeyong shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for Jaehyun, you were just playing your part in helping me like you said you would. I should have realized that before I… blew up on you like I did before… so really I should be the one apologizing. I mean, I’m really grateful you did all that for me, seriously, going above and beyond as the role of a boyfriend even if it may have been a burden to you -”

 

“It wasn’t.” 

 

Taeyong froze, the two simple words turning his entire mind over. Jaehyun eyes were searching Taeyong’s for his reaction. He still remained firm in his stance however, and Taeyong couldn’t find himself to continue on with what he was going to say. He wasn’t sure _what_ to even say to that, all the words he had in mind suddenly flying straight out of his brain. 

 

Because if Jaehyun didn’t find being Taeyong’s fake boyfriend as a burden, what did that mean Jaehyun actually thought about it?

 

Jaehyun, taking Taeyong’s silence as a motion to go on, sighed, looking downwards as if mulling over his next words. 

 

“Being… your…  boyfriend… was never a burden for me.” Jaehyun started again slowly. “I… I truly meant every action I did, everything I said. Sure, most of it was for show maybe, to make sure Johnny and Ten saw, but I meant it all. And I was never annoyed with anything I did, and never felt like I had to act as something I didn’t want to for you.” 

 

Taeyong still remained silent, his mind blank of everything. 

 

“Acting- no, _being_ your boyfriend these past two weeks was honestly one of the most amazing times I’ve had in my life. Because Taeyong, you’re an amazing person, someone who I’d never even imagined getting to know, and the fact that I not only got to know you but also _date_ you like this really gave me so much happiness. You gave me happiness I’d never known in any of my past relationships before, and I selfishly only wanted more of that happiness, wanted to be around you even more and get to know you more.” 

 

“But now I realize how much my selfishness may have caused you trouble. Which is why I want to apologize instead. You did nothing wrong Taeyong. Since the beginning, I was the one who asked you to play this part, and the one who inserted myself into your life. And well, I can see now how I made you uncomfortable with how overboard I went with my actions.” 

 

At that moment however, Taeyong wanted nothing more but to disagree with Jaehyun. Because no, he was never uncomfortable or disliked how Jaehyun acted around him. Jaehyun had been the epitome of a caring and selfless boyfriend, someone who Taeyong could only dream about meeting in his lifetime, much less getting to date as well. This whole time, it took all of Taeyong’s own willpower not to get more comfortable in his role as Jaehyun’s boyfriend, to not fall into the feeling of a real relationship with the other. He had always assumed that Jaehyun felt discomfort at having to pretend to date Taeyong, to put up with him as a way of throwing off Ten and Johnny. 

 

And maybe it did cross his mind the slightest that Jaehyun didn’t mind playing the role, but to have actual physical proof in Jaehyun’s words? This changed everything that Taeyong had originally thought.

 

Taeyong took a deep breath in. Everything that Jaehyun had said, the words that contradicted Taeyong’s thoughts had thrown him off track, but also instilled a new sense of confidence in him. Because the tiny bit of hope that his brother and friends had placed in him, the small sliver of desire that he had held onto this entire ordeal; they had erupted into a full blasted bravado which gave Taeyong the feeling of taking that final leap forward. 

 

“I didn’t… I didn’t mind it.” There. It was out in the open.

 

Jaehyun froze. “You didn’t… didn’t mind what?” His voice came out in barely a whisper, as he leaned closer towards Taeyong, eyes widening in a paradox of anxious eagerness. Taeyong gulped. Jaehyun’s stare was so intense, that Taeyong could barely even look him in the eye. “What do you mean by that?”

 

“I… I didn’t mind that you-”

 

“Hey Jae! We’re gonna do shots for our win, where you at!” Taeyong could see Jaehyun’s face drop in disappointment, as he looked at Taeyong and bit his lip. 

 

“They’re looking for you.” Taeyong managed to croak out. 

 

“Taeyong wait-”

 

“I think Lucas just called you.”

 

“Taeyong but-”

 

“You should go!” Taeyong smiled with trembling lips, the nerves getting to him suddenly. “I know how important this is.” 

 

Jaehyun started to argue again, but Taeyong gave him a small shake of his head. He sighed, making as if to turn away, but then grabbed Taeyong’s hands at the last moment, looking him firmly in the eyes.

 

“Don’t leave, okay? I want to talk to you. Properly.” Taeyong nodded, huddling Jaehyun’s jacket closer to him. Jaehyun returned the gesture with a gentle smile, as he slowly backed away out the door and into the crowd, his eyes never leaving Taeyong’s. Blushing, Taeyong looked away from the other’s face, staring absentmindedly at the white T-shirt Jaehyun was wearing. 

 

“By- By the way, Taeyong!” Taeyong looked up suddenly, as a wave of red and purple lights danced across Jaehyun’s face. It seemed as if there was a clear pathway between him and Jaehyun, even as the crowd bustled around, everyone hyped by the DJ’s set. Yet Taeyong didn’t notice any of them at all, instead zeroing his focus in on the nervous yet somewhat confident smirk Jaehyun had on his face. He stepped a bit closer towards the other to hear what he was saying. 

 

Jaehyun paused, letting out a slight chuckle as he glanced down for a moment. When he looked back up, the nervousness was completely gone, replaced with a more cocky look and self-assured demeanor. Taeyong gulped as Jaehyun winked at him, his white T-shirt glowing in the dark lighting, which only seemed to highlight his bare arms even more. It distracted Taeyong for a moment, to which he almost missed what Jaehyun said - catching it at the last minute. 

 

“I think you look really great in my jacket by the way!”

 

Taeyong froze. Time seemed to come to a stop around him. He could hear some girls gasping at Jaehyun’s words, while others farther in the crowd began to notice as well, but Taeyong paid no attention to them, his eyes immediately dropping to what he was wearing.

 

That first day, when Jaehyun had confronted him in the library, Taeyong remembered seeing Jaehyun in his letterman jacket, the dark blue _Jung_ on the right and their school logo on the left. That same green jacket, which Jaehyun hardly ever went without. The exact one that five minutes ago he draped on Taeyong’s shoulders, a light smell of rose on it. 

 

The one that Taeyong was still wearing at that moment, huddled close into, clear as day for everyone to see. 

 

When Jeno confessed to Jaemin, he sent the other the newest video game Jaemin wanted, along with a note saying “Want to play together as a couple this time?” Ten stood outside Johnny’s window singing Disney songs loudly until Johnny told him to shut up, to which Ten told Johnny to “Come down and kiss me quiet!” Taeil had just sent a text and confessed at their local park to Wendy, but the smiles on their faces when he told the story to Taeyong showed how much even this simple gesture was meaningful to them both. 

 

Taeyong has seen so many love confessions, both the ones in real life and in the movies and books he consumed. He’s heard about the nervous yet hopeful emotions the givers would have, or the blissful feelings that they give to the receiver. And yet nothing that Taeyong could ever have seen would compare to what he felt at that moment, realizing exactly what this meant. 

 

 _If he gives you his jacket - would that be enough proof that he likes you for you?_ Maybe it was. Maybe this was the sign that Jaehyun really liked him, that he wanted to enter a real relationship with Taeyong this time, no more acting up for show or pretending for others. 

 

But maybe it wasn’t as well. Because Taeyong realized the moment Jaehyun offered his help, draped his arm around Taeyong and smiled warmly at him that day in the cafeteria - that was the moment when Taeyong should have known exactly how important Jaehyun would be to him in his life. 

 

Jaehyun was still looking at him, a slightly arrogant yet overly comforting smile on his face. Taeyong could faintly hear Lucas calling for Jaehyun again, and watched as Jaehyun turned, disappearing into the crowd. The music seemed to slow down, and everyone seemed to fade away, leaving only the flickering shades of colors dancing across the floor, a clear way between him and Jaehyun. 

 

And that’s when Taeyong knew. Jeno was right. The last two weeks was all just the rising action, the lead in to the final climax of his story. Every single fantasy dream he had seemed to culminate to this moment, where his most favorite fairy tale was turning into his reality.  
  
This right here? It was his romance movie come to life.

 

Without thinking, he raced up to Jaehyun, grabbing his arm and spinning him around.

 

“Wha-” Jaehyun doesn’t get a word out before Taeyong presses his lips to him. His eyes fluttered close and he could feel Jaehyun do the same. Taeyong’s heart was pounding rapidly, and for maybe the first time ever, it wasn’t solely because of all the eyes that were on him. No, it was for Jaehyun, loud and beating against Jaehyun’s chest, all the emotions that had been bottled up since his first kiss with Jaehyun and the two weeks of getting to know him better that had passed. 

 

Jaehyun sighed into the kiss, and Taeyong could feel the corners of his lips go up into a smile, the giddy happiness practically eradicating from his body. He wrapped his arms around Taeyong, pulling Taeyong even closer to him.

 

And at that moment, Taeyong never wanted Jaehyun to let go.

 

 

 

 

\---

 

 

 

 

_Dear Jaehyun,_

 

 _Let me start this letter by saying I do_ **_not_ ** _have a crush on you. You’re an insufferable jock who is probably - no -_ **_definitely_ ** _going to fail math. I’ve seen your grades, you’re going to need a miracle to even scrape by - which by the way, could be me if you_ **_showed up to tutoring!!_ **

 

_You’re also super good a basketball, but also super super arrogant about it. Sure yes, you may be one of the best players we’ve had, but parading around in your varsity jacket like you do just makes me roll my eyes. Yeah sure you’re great, but Johnny’s better just saying._

 

_Everyone thinks you’re one of the most loving and caring guys out there but I see you Jaehyun, always using your looks and that smile of yours to steal hearts and make everyone swoon and just be ridiculously attractive in every sense. And well, it hurts me to admit it, but maybe you did that to me this afternoon, taking me to ice cream like you did, even telling me about spending Valentine’s Day with you mom._

 

_And yeah, maybe that made my heart flutter for a single moment, but that doesn’t mean anything, because there is no way I developed a crush on you because of that! It just changed my perspective on you maybe just the slightest, but that means nothing. Because you’re still Jaehyun, the cocky basketball player who is super good in literature class (which is yet another thing I hate about you, the fact that you got a higher grade on our last essay than me) and yet going to fail trigonometry. And I’m still Taeyong, the romantic loner who spends his time buried in his novels instead of swooning over the likes of you._

 

_So fine. Thank you Jaehyun, for giving me a wonderful feeling on Valentine’s Day. Thank you for giving me one romantic memory that I will cherish. This may mean nothing to you, just a small way to repay me, but it did make me happy to spend time with you today._

 

_But that’s all it is! Because maybe for a moment I fell in love with you, but I’ll have plenty of time to get over it. It’s not like you’re going to come back to tutoring anytime soon anyways!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that was a whole mess of every stereotypical party scene cliche from every possible teen romcom I could think of. 
> 
> also, the girl mark gives his jacket too is gugudan's mina, aka the "girl from his broadcasting club" haha...ha...
> 
> (also, i may or may not have changed a line back in chapter two because i apparently cannot plan that well far ahead and messed up this letters time line oops)


	8. Love, Taeyong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up friends for all the romcom ending cliches possible lol

Taeyong huddled closer into Jaehyun’s jacket, the cold air of the night slowly getting to him now that the heated embarrassment of his kiss had finally worn off. 

 

_ Their kiss.  _ Jaehyun hadn’t said anything more after their kiss, instead grabbing Taeyong’s hand and - in true romantic lead form - had led the two out of the house. They were now at a local convenience store, and Taeyong was waiting outside for Jaehyun, who went in to grab drinks for them both. 

 

Taeyong didn’t want to think about what everyone was gossiping about back at the party (and for sure they were talking, if the constant messages Taeyong got before he finally silenced his phone was any indication). Right now, none of them mattered. In fact, nothing did at that moment. Nothing but Jaehyun. 

 

“I got you a milk tea, hope that’s fine.” Jaehyun appeared next to him, holding out said cup to Taeyong. “And also…” he dropped a small package into Taeyong’s other hand. Taeyong giggled slightly under his breath, his heart skipping a beat. It was a bag of gummy bears, the same one’s Jaehyun gave him that day at the park. 

 

The two walked down the street, the sips of their drinks and soft pats of their feet the only sounds coming from them. Taeyong could feel his nerves rising again, but this time, it was a good feeling, a more euphoric elateness that spread through his body. 

 

They passed by a playground, and Taeyong motioned towards the swing set. His whole night has so far been one romance movie cliche after another, and the irony of talking in a playground on swings was not lost on him, having watched enough teen rom-coms to know the scene to come. 

 

But maybe that was what made everything better. How all this time, after all the romance stories from the movies he watched, books he reads, and fantasies he’s dreamed about, it was finally time for Taeyong’s own story to happen in real life. Not one he dreamed of, or seen happen, or written in a letter about. No, his love interest was far better than all those, and more importantly, was right in front of him in the flesh, a tangible being. 

 

They sat side by side on the swings, slightly swaying as they finished their drinks. Jaehyun shifted slightly, the silence between them making him slightly uncomfortable. Jaehyun’s confession in the kitchen had done away with any of the doubts Taeyong was feeling about Jaehyun’s feelings for him, but there was still so much more they needed to talk about, as their sudden confessions didn’t change the fact that two weeks ago they were near strangers, with only mutual acquaintances and one afternoon spent together connecting them. 

 

Taeyong turned towards Jaehyun, gulping away his nervousness as he willed himself to start talking. He found himself watching Jaehyun tip the last bits of his tea into his mouth, suddenly mesmerized by Jaehyun’s lips. 

 

Jaehyun noticed and laughed, putting the empty bottle on the ground next to him as he turned the swing to face Taeyong. “Hold up there Taeyong, I know I’m probably the best kiss you’ve ever had, but we tend to have a habit of making out instead of talking like we should - so maybe we should talk first before we try that again, don’t you think?” 

 

Taeyong blushed, but was secretly glad that Jaehyun also knew that they needed to talk, needed to work through the whirlwind of a night they both had, coupled with chaotic two weeks they shared together. 

 

“Well first off, you’re not the best person I’ve ever kissed.”

 

“Oh really? Who is it then?” 

 

“Doyoung.”

 

Jaehyun let out another chuckle, leaning his head back in mock resignment. “Damn, so the boy next door, the best friend and the mysterious foreigner wasn’t enough, now I have to compete with a guy all the way in the United States for your love?”

 

Taeyong rolled his eyes as he slightly giggled. “Yuta as the mysterious foreigner? Really?” he replied to Jaehyun, who grinned cheekily in return. 

 

They fell back into the quiet, but Taeyong felt more calm this time, Jaehyun’s jokes helping to relieve his nerves. There was one thing he had to correct however. 

 

“You don’t… you don’t have to compete with anyone for my love.”

 

Jaehyun froze mid swing. Taeyong was looking anywhere but at Jaehyun, the red on his cheeks not a product of the cold night but rather because of Taeyong’s own warm feelings bubbling up inside of him. 

 

Because after two weeks, there was only one conclusion Taeyong could come too.

 

Since he was young, Taeyong had always been a fan of love stories. Be it his mother’s influence, or all the movies he’s watched with Taeil and Jeno, or even just seeing the relationships around him like Johnny and Ten’s. Taeyong had always lived vicariously through the romantic fantasies he’s built in his mind and kept close to his heart. And yet, nothing that he dreamt up could even compare to the real thing, to what he shared with Jaehyun the entire time they were fake dating. 

 

_ Dating,  _ he corrected himself. Because sure, the premise might have simply been a pretense, but his actions were real, his feelings to Jaehyun genuine. And now that he knew Jaehyun felt the same… 

 

Taeyong took a deep breath in. Here went nothing.

 

“Something I realized,” he started, “Was that my love letters were nothing but my over-imaginative mind coming up with these make believe relationships with every boy who I ever had the slightest feelings for.”

 

“I was always content to stick with my fantasies, to have my share of romance through words written on 10 x 12 stationery placed in pastel colored envelopes. Even when seeing Johnny and Ten, or Jeno and Jaemin, I never wanted a real life relationship of my own. Sure, maybe I felt a bit envious, but I always had my letters to fall back on, and never felt a desire for anything more.”

 

“But then we started dating.” Taeyong could see Jaehyun draw a sharp breath in, a mix of anticipation and apprehension in his eyes. As if he was both hopeful and worried about what Taeyong might say. 

 

It was a similar feeling - Taeyong realized - similar to what Taeyong himself felt throughout the past two weeks. Because every moment spent with Jaehyun left him excited for more, and yet dreading when the fantasy would come to an end, when Jaehyun and him would no longer be able to keep up their relationship facade. 

 

“The two weeks I spent with you were some of the best and worst in my life, because you showed me what it was like to really be in love, to not just write about it but to actually live them. It was both exhilarating and frightening at the same time, because as much as I came to crave more, I also was worried how easily it could all go away, leaving me even more heartbroken than when we started. When Yuta showed up that day, it just reminded me you were merely a crush I had at one point in my life, just one of my letters that I wrote, and it made me afraid that you would end up just like all the others, simply a dream romance never to become anything more than just words on paper.”

 

Jaehyun let out a soft laugh as he grabbed Taeyong’s hands, looking him straight in the eyes. 

 

“Taeyong,” he said. “If even after two weeks of dating you, two weeks of me doing everything I could to make you notice my feelings for you… if even after the past two weeks of me  _ falling in love with you, _ you  _ still _ doubt my intentions, I guess I wasn’t trying hard enough now, was I?”

 

Taeyong wanted to scoff. Maybe he didn’t see it then, but looking back, it was obvious how much Jaehyun went above just acting in the boyfriend role for Taeyong, did more than just play the part of a fake relationship. In fact, looking back now, Taeyong wondered how he didn’t catch on earlier. 

 

_ But maybe you did, and you just didn’t want to accept it _ . 

 

“I always did know.” He could feel the soft rubs of Jaehyun’s fingers against his own slow down, but Taeyong just gripped tighter on, willing himself not to look away from Jaehyun. 

 

“But I let my insecurities get in the way, tell me that you were just being nice, just helping me out. Because honestly, that date that made me fall in love with you was just a small and insignificant moment-” he could see Jaehyun open his mouth in protest, but continued, “- and wasn’t like any of my other letters, where I only wrote it to them after getting to know them and slowly falling in love.”

 

“It wasn’t like how I grew up alongside Taeil and Ten, or spent a lot of time hanging out and flirting around with Doyoung and Yuta. We just got ice cream together and went our separate ways after. And yet in just that one moment…” Taeyong sighed, closing his eyes. “...well, it felt pathetic to have fallen so hard because of one simple ice cream with gummy bear toppings.”

 

“I don’t think-”

 

“But then I realized-” Taeyong cut Jaehyun off. “Well, I realized that back when I wrote the letter, I may not have known anything about you, besides the fact that you like chocolate ice cream, is horrible at math, and is apparently a good basketball player. But now…” he paused, Jaehyun watching with expectant eyes.

 

_ I learned that you’re a chocolate fanatic in general, and that your exact favorite is 70% dark chocolate with a hint of mint in it. I learned how you dislike math, but love literature, especially when we read the romantic tragedies and humorous plays. How you got into basketball because your mother always played it with you, in hopes of finding an activity that the two of you could enjoy together.  _

 

Because really, as much as their ice cream date made Taeyong’s heart flutter, the half hour was nothing compared to the two weeks of really spending time with Jaehyun. Even in the context of their dating scheme, Taeyong realized now how every moment he spent with Jaehyun was genuine, ever conversation he had real and meaningful. It wasn't until now - Taeyong supposed - that after finally solving all the misunderstandings and embarrassments with his other letter receivers, after hearing Jaehyun’s own confession at the party earlier that night, after finally clearing his mind of his own insecurities and doubts, Taeyong could finally look back at the past two weeks and see that there was really nothing fake about him and Jaehyun together at all.

 

“Most of my letters were my ending point, my final words to my love for the receiver, my last goodbyes to our romance together. But - interestingly enough - my letter to you just seemed to be our start instead. Because it wasn’t until after I wrote it that I was finally able to get to know you, to learn more about you, to… to really… really fall in love with you.”

 

Taeyong faltered off, suddenly embarrassed to look Jaehyun in the face anymore. Throughout his entire confession, Jaehyun’s face seemed to only get brighter, his eyes fill with more hope. Now, it felt as if his entire body was glowing from hearing Taeyong’s words. 

 

He heard Jaehyun chuckle slightly, and braved a glance. Jaehyun was looking down at their still linked hands, trying but failing to contain a wide smile that broke out onto his face. 

 

“Do you…” he started. “Do you think we would have ever gotten to know each other like this if… if your letters never gotten sent out?” Taeyong scoffed.

 

“We hardly knew each other before this whole mess. In fact, I wasn’t sure if you even knew who I was besides ‘Johnny’s friend’ before you got my letter.”

 

Jaehyun smiled softly at that, letting go of Taeyong’s hands to lean back in his swing, looking up at the sky. Taeyong unconsciously huddled into Jaehyun’s jacket, awaiting Jaehyun’s next words. 

 

“I did know you before this, and not just as ‘Johnny’s friend’.” he finally said. “You were also the cute boy in my lit class, who turned out to be my math tutor and probably the only reason I passed trigonometry last year.” 

 

“And well, I can’t say my heart didn’t skip a beat when I saw your letter in my mail, since it’s not everyday I get a love note from the most handsome boy in our grade, right?” Taeyong blushed, hiding his face in Jaehyun’s jacket. Jaehyun laughed teasingly at his actions. 

 

“But I can also honestly say that - even if your letters being sent out was a nightmare for you - I can’t help but think it was the best thing to ever happen to me.” Now it was Jaehyun's turn to blush, as he tilted his head down to hide his cheeks from Taeyong. “Just… being able to spend time with you... learn more about you… find more reasons to be in love with you… even after everything that happened, the fact that I even have a chance to sit here with you like this is a dream come true.” 

 

Taeyong laughed lightly at that. It was as much of a dream come true for Taeyong as well. 

 

In his lifetime, Taeyong has fallen in love exactly five times. Taeil; his neighbor. Doyoung from debate. Japanese expat Yuta. Basketball VP Jaehyun. And finally, Ten, one of his best friends who was never supposed to find out, but Taeyong couldn’t help but be happy he did. 

 

They were his five fairy tale romances, and Taeyong had never imagine them coming to life. He thought he was content for them to live within his head, never to come into fruition. 

 

But in the end, none of them mattered except one. Because for all the daydreams he’s had about dating, or fantasies he’s conjured up about being in a relationship, the reality was far better than any of those. His reality, the one he had with Jaehyun, and the one he hoped to continue with the other; it was all he could have ever wanted and more. 

 

Taeyong looked up again at Jaehyun, who was watching him with a quiet smile. They both sat there in silence, though Taeyong’s thoughts were anything but. He just wanted to scream to the world in joy, tell everyone exactly how he felt, how much the past two weeks had changed him. 

 

This right here? It really was the happy ending to his romance filled with heartbreak, anger and embarrassment, and was forever going to be Taeyong’s favorite story. 

 

“So…” Taeyong started, suddenly feeling brave after their conversation.

 

“Now that we’ve talked and everything…” Jaehyun laughed, as he realized what Taeyong was referencing.

 

“Can I finally kiss you?” 

 

Jaehyun smirked, a hint of mischievousness in his eyes. “I’ll let you kiss me if you agree to let me take you out on a date tomorrow.”

 

Taeyong didn’t reply, instead pressing a light peck onto Jaehyun’s lips as his answer. He pulled back with a wide grin of satisfaction, only for Jaehyun to grab the back of his neck and lean forwards, their lips melting into each other once again. Even after sharing two kisses with Jaehyun already, the feeling never changed, still giving Taeyong the same heart-pounding excitement from before. There was no doubt that Jaehyun was a good kisser - he knew just how to position the two so they were closer together, exactly how to press against Taeyong to elicit more passion from the other, and how to angle himself to gain more access to Taeyong’s mouth. But none of that could compare to how much happiness Jaehyun emitted, as if kissing Taeyong was the best thing in the world to him, and nothing would ever top it. 

 

Taeyong laughed slightly as they parted, his breath coming out in puffs against Jaehyun’s face. He could feel Jaehyun smiling.

 

“W-what’s so funny Taeyong?” he asked softly, stroking his hands through Taeyong’s hair, his eyes glittering as they searched Taeyong’s for his answer. Taeyong kept quiet at first, instead giggling some more as he leaned his forehead against Jaehyun’s. 

 

“Well… maybe you’re getting  _ really  _ close to taking that first place spot.” 

 

“Oh really now?” Jaehyun leaned in once again, moving his mouth expertly against Taeyong. He stood up off his swing, tilting Taeyong’s head up as he deepened their kiss, one hand drawing patterns against Taeyong’s neck, as the other circled his shoulders, pulling Taeyong closer to Jaehyun's warmth. Taeyong wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s waist, the fire between them nothing compared to the explosive happiness burning through Taeyong’s body and mind. And with the way Jaehyun couldn’t keep his lips from turning into a smile told Taeyong that the other felt the same.

 

“Well, guess I have to keep trying to beat it now, don’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you all for the kudos, comments, and in general for reading this story! I was always so happy to read your comments, they always made my day! 
> 
> The last chapter is more of an epilogue of sorts. I’ll probably post it within the next week or two (or three lol). Just want this chapter to breathe a bit and also to go over the epilogue and make sure there aren’t any inconsistencies. 
> 
>  
> 
> Some small tidbits that happened while I was writing this story that I wanted to share…
> 
> \- Kun was almost one of the letters as well.  
> \- At the beginning, Ten was planned to be one of the letters, but midway through writing I played around with it being Johnny instead. In the end, I kept it as Ten because it worked better.  
> \- I had set up this whole elaborate plan of how Jeno and Jaemin sent out Taeyong’s letters, but then Ten and Taeyong’s conversation got more emotional than I expected and it didn’t feel right to also include it in that chapter.   
> \- In Yuta’s chapter, he meets his boyfriend similarly to how he meets Taeyong, as a guide around their school. I didn’t realize this until after I reread that chapter, and I wish I dropped in a line where Taeyong realized it too haha.   
> \- Originally, Taeyong’s moment with Jaehyun was different, but I was rereading the first chapter, saw I dropped in the whole tutoring bit in that one, and ran with it! 
> 
> Thanks again all for reading! :)


	9. p.s. i (also) love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as a series of events as told by jung jaehyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! what happened was originally, the epilogue was one page only, and was only a rewrite of taeyong’s letter to jaehyun. but then I had a 3am thought where I said “hey! what if instead… we erase that and just rewrite the whole story from jaehyun’s point of view instead!” and usually I’m very happy to listen to my 3am thoughts, except I wrote the first part of this back when I had this 3am thought... and then forgot about it completely until the beginning of this month. 
> 
> but anyways, I digress. enjoy this chapter which is nine times longer than what it used to be!

It wasn’t like Jaehyun was _trying_ to fail trigonometry. 

 

Jaehyun and numbers just didn’t work well together. He was always more of a literature guy, preferring to spend his time writing essays than drawing triangles. It didn’t help that his math class was right after lunch, and he was pretty sure there was some statistical study that proved students weren’t as attentive after eating. 

 

Unfortunately, Ms. Kim didn’t feel the same way. She had stopped him after class for a “friendly conversation”, which turned out to be more of a subtle threat to go to tutoring “or risk his grade dropping even more than it was currently”. Considering Jaehyun was on the borderline of failure, Jaehyun could easily read between the lines of what Ms. Kim was really trying to say. 

 

It did suck though - he couldn’t help but think - that his Friday afternoon was turning out this way. 

 

Turning the corner, Jaehyun let out a heavy sigh as he opened the library door, ready to face his reality. He didn’t really know his tutor Taeyong, besides the cute emails he sent that always made Jaehyun smile, and helpful worksheets attachments that were probably the only reason he was passing trig, but figured it wouldn’t be hard to find him amongst whoever was waiting around in the library at - he checked his watch - 3:43pm on a Friday afternoon. 

 

Sure enough, there was indeed only one other person in the vicinity, as even the librarians seemingly had better Valentine’s Day plans. The boy, who he assumed was Taeyong, was huddled over at a table tucked near the mathematical section, looking as if he’d also rather be anywhere else but here, something Jaehyun hoped he could work in his favor. 

 

He walked closer, suddenly slowing his steps as he saw more of the other, a slight feeling of familiarity coming over him. The boy had finally looked up, his eyes darting around as a slight look of annoyance grew on his face (probably because of him, if the sliver of guilt at being late started bubbling inside). _There’s no way,_ was Jaehyun’s initial thought, but as he got closer, there was no mistaking it. 

 

Jaehyun cursed himself for not making a connection sooner, for not realizing the name of his tutor was the same as the quiet boy in his literature class, that Jaehyun was guilty of staring more at rather than paying attention. It wasn’t only his handsome looks that attracted Jaehyun however, but also the profound analysations and statements the other made sometimes in class, that always left Jaehyun wanting to hear more - to know more about what Taeyong was hiding away considering how he hardly talked in class. 

 

“What a small world.” he chuckled softly to himself, as he realized that there was probably a high chance that this was also the same Taeyong that was friends with Johnny and Ten, whose house they would pass by on the way to the park to drop Ten off at. Because, what were the chances that there were three Taeyong’s running around in their school?

 

It was a weirdly poetic feeling, that three separate personas Jaehyun had interacted with during his time at school - his math tutor with the cute emojis, his handsome and soft spoken crush from literature class, and the mysterious friend that Johnny always spoke so highly of - all turned out to be one and the same. 

 

And well, maybe the feeling of Valentine’s Day was getting to him, but Jaehyun couldn’t help but feel this was a sign of some sort, that life was giving him the perfect setup for his kdrama romance, and telling him to live it out. 

 

He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling that maybe his situation didn’t suck as much as he originally thought. Walking over to Taeyong, he put his book down gently, alerting the other towards his presence. If you were to ask Jaehyun later on, he’d deny how time seemed to slow down, as everything but Taeyong faded away the moment they made eye contact, how the other boy’s face only seemed to glow radiantly to Jaehyun, like a lamp drawing him in. But at the moment, Jaehyun didn’t think his heart could beat any faster than at that very second, and that he’d do anything to just be able to see Taeyong look at him like that forever more. 

 

“You’re Taeyong, right?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Contrary to what Jaehyun hoped, his life didn't suddenly become a romantic movie after that. Their ice cream outing did turn out to be the best date Jaehyun had ever been on, but nothing changed afterwards. Taeyong barely acknowledged him, and Jaehyun - despite the confident jock bravado he put on - was too shy to do anything about it. 

 

And well, he was pretty sure that would have been the end of his cheesy love story, that nothing more would come out of it besides a short-lived romantic fantasy of his. After all, he was pretty sure romantic cliches were always meant to stay in the movies. Not to mention it all happened in his head anyways, and he highly doubted that Taeyong thought of Jaehyun anywhere near the same as he did. 

 

 _Doubted_ being in past tense of course, because the fact that Taeyong was pressed flush against him right now, their lips meshed together, threw everything that Jaehyun ever (thought) about their relationship - both his fantasy one and their reality - into complete commotion. 

 

When he first received Taeyong’s letter, Jaehyun couldn’t believe it. He read it almost a dozen times over, each one sending him even more into an incredulous frenzy. Never mind that Taeyong mentioned him by name, or that he described in detail their first (and only) time spent together, or even the fact that he pretty much knew Jaehyin was going to fail trig last year. 

 

(A part of him also was proud at how much an impact their date had on Taeyong - it gave him a smug satisfaction.) 

 

Jaehyun had been confessed to before, but it was still flattering, especially considering this was his first time receiving a love letter of all things. But on the other hand, it confused him. Sure, back when the two had their first “date”, Jaehyun had let his imagination run wild with the possibility of more, but since then he had all but forgotten that day. He always figured it was just a friendly outing to Taeyong, and it was only him coming up with the impossible scenario of more - fueled by the fluttering feelings of their date and the romantic undertones associated with Valentine’s Day.

 

In fact, Jaehyun had been pretty sure this was some sort of joke from Johnny and Ten, and he was about ready to confront them for roping someone like Taeyong into whatever scheme the two were planning now. 

 

Except there he was, watching as the two - wide eyed, open-mouthed, and most certainly not the mastermind behind the events of the last few hours - gaped at him and Taeyong. He’d known Johnny long enough that the look on the other’s face told Jaehyun Johnny had no part in whatever was going on, and Ten’s wide grin and wink for Taeyong was confirmation Ten didn’t either. 

 

And well, maybe Jaehyun should have been thrown even more off guard. He was still just as confused, and now his only theory just went down the drain. 

 

However, in that exact moment, Jaehyun never felt more clear-headed in his life, as he looked at a still flustering Taeyong. Taeyong was looking anywhere else except at Jaehyun, as he stammered out an apology and raced out of the library. Jaehyun watched him go, but made no motion to follow for an explanation. He unconsciously touched his lips, the feeling of Taeyong on them still fresh in his mind. 

 

If Jaehyun was being truly honest, he had lied about what he really felt for Taeyong. Sure, he told himself that his date with Taeyong was nothing more than a one time Valentine’s Day fling. But the reality was, it had started a simmering crush inside of Jaehyun, that, until this very moment, he had managed to push away. 

 

But now that he had gotten a taste of something more than just his own small fantasy, all bets were off, and his once hidden infatuation had become so much more real. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Actually dating Taeyong was surprisingly easy. When Jaehyun first made the offer at Taeyong’s house, he was nervous. Saying he could pretend to be Taeyong’s boyfriend was one thing, but that was only because of his confident bravado that unfortunately was gone the moment Taeyong agreed. Reality was, he had no idea how he could pretend to date Taeyong, who his feelings for only seemed to grow. 

 

But the next day after agreeing to their arrangement, Jaehyun found himself draping his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder, their fabricated romance story coming smoothly out to Ten, the fakeness of it all hidden behind Jaehyun’s true feelings. 

 

It was just as easy for Jaehyun to be seen near Taeyong more often now that he had a reason for being by his side. They didn’t share any classes, but Jaehyun still managed to walk Taeyong to his locker a few times a week. They had started to eat lunch together, and Jaehyun couldn’t lie and say that everyone’s whispers about the two of them together didn’t make him feel smug. It was nice, being known as Taeyong’s boyfriend. 

 

And even if it was all for show, Jaehyun did find himself with Taeyong even when the situation didn’t call for it. At first, it was just the two continuing a conversation, too engrossed to see Johnny and Ten were out of sight. Then Jaehyun started waiting in the library for Taeyong, hidden away amongst the bookshelves and away from everyone else. Jaehyun didn’t even realize it, just found himself naturally gravitating to Taeyong’s side, their fake relationship only an aftermath in his mind. 

 

It wasn’t until Taeyong spoke about being nervous about confronting his letter receivers that Jaehyun realized with tremendous guilt how first his curiosity over Taeyong that soon became natural enjoyment in spending time with the other could be bothersome to the other. In his own selfish motives of learning more about Taeyong under the guise of helping him out, Jaehyun didn’t notice what emotional consequences could possibly occur.

 

“Do you… Do you want me to stop bothering you?” he asked. It was the last thing Jaehyun wanted. Every moment he spent with Taeyong - both in public and their more private interactions - only intensified his growing feelings for the other. Taeyong was like a light, and he was the moth that was forever attracted to it. What was originally just superficial interest had grown into a more sentimental connection, and Jaehyun wasn’t sure he could let it go. 

 

But if Taeyong wanted to cut if off, Jaehyun would straight away do so - cease his contact with the other and try and be content with only staring from afar… He took a quick glance over at Taeyong, his heart quickening at the look on his face. 

 

Because for a split second, what he saw in Taeyong’s gaze only reignited Jaehyun’s hope that quite possibly… 

 

Taeyong felt the same.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In retrospect, Jaehyun should have seen their fight coming. Their facade built on lies and deception was never going to last, and deep in Jaehyun’s heart he was pretty sure Johnny and Ten would at some point see right through their already shaky story. Even as the days passed and his feelings towards Taeyong grew from mere curiosity to a budding friendship to something possibly more, there was always the small voice in his head telling him they had an expiration date, and the longer it extended only meant the more painful their inevitable end would be.

 

The exact moment Jaehyun knew it wouldn’t end well was movie night with Jeno and Taeyong. At first, the night had been going fine. Jaehyun didn’t remember what exactly they had watched, more focused on laughing at Jeno’s many snarky comments while simultaneously sneaking his arm closer around Taeyong without drawing unwanted attention for it.

 

Neither Jeno or Taeyong had seemed to notice Jaehyun’s lack of attention towards the movie however, the two more focused on arguing about the romantic button gesture instead.

 

“The basketball team does something similar. Like, at the end of the season party, it’s tradition to give your varsity jacket to someone you like.” Jaehyun finally chimed in, hoping to appear as if he was listening instead of thinking about the smell of Taeyong’s cologne. “I mean, it’s not a big thing but some of the guys are really into it.”

 

“Oh yeah, Renjun and Jaemin have been talking about that.” Jeno had commented, munching on some popcorn. “Apparently Mark was planning to give it to the girl he works in the broadcasting club with, but she wasn’t going to go to the party or anything, so now they’re working with her friends to convince her to go.”

 

“Hope it works out though, he’s been going on about her for a while.” Jaehyun looked over at the two, a slight hope bubbling in him. He had been thinking about how to approach the subject of the basketball party with Taeyong, hoping that they’d still be a “thing” around that time. Call it wishful thinking, but the prospect of giving Taeyong his varsity jacket made Jaehyun excited.

 

“You guys going though, right? I mean, I know parties aren’t your thing Taeyong but I was hoping-”

 

“Nah, Taeyong goes to the basketball parties.” Jeno shrugged. Jaehyun felt his heart burst with happiness. “‘Cause of Johnny.” He froze.

 

“Oh... really?” he managed to stutter out.

 

“Yeah, he doesn’t go to any sports things except for the basketball team games and parties, cause Johnny always brings him.” Jeno sighed, an exasperated look on his face. “I keep trying to get Taeyong to watch Jaemin play soccer with me, but he refuses every single damn time.”

 

“I see.” Jaehyun tried his best to keep his voice neutral, but Jeno seemed to catch on.

 

“But don’t worry! I mean, now he has another reason to go as well right?” he added on, an anxious look on his face. Jaehyun laughed at that, patting Jeno on the head and joking back, even if his thoughts were anything but as playful.

 

In the back of his head, he had always known it was going to come to an end at some point, and now, the sudden reminder of the real reason they were “together” like this brought that thought to the forefront of his mind. Taeyong may have written him a love letter at one point, but he had also made it clear from the start that it was in the past, and the Taeyong of now was more focused on avoiding Johnny and Ten and not making a complete embarrassment of himself. It was this exact reason why he and Taeyong ever started their arrangement in the first place. For all Jaehyun’s hopes and desires, nothing was going to come out of this except for an awkward friendship with Taeyong, a possible argument amongst the four of them, and Jaehyun’s own longing for what could have been between the two.

 

And yet - that fateful day when Yuta came to their school, when Jaehyun accidentally revealed the whole letter business to Ten, when they all realized it was Ten who received the final letter and not Johnny - that day, as he watched Taeyong explode in his face, tears streaming down while he poured out his feelings, Jaehyun realized even with the expectation that their breakup was coming, it did nothing at all to dull the heart wrenching pain he felt.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The night of the party, everything in Jaehyun was telling him not to go looking for Taeyong, not to listen to Ten and Johnny and even Jaemin’s words that Taeyong wanted to talk, but to ignore them all and get lost in a crowded room, a drink in his hand as he focused on celebrating their win and not on the the wide-eyed boy who had all but dumped Jaehyun - leaving his mind torn into pieces and heart in an even worse state - despite the fact that they _weren’t_ _even dating in the first place._

 

But his mind also had a weird way of screwing around with Jaehyun, because even as he tried not to think about Taeyong waiting for him, he still somehow found himself in the kitchen, watching as the hues from the disco lights outside shone across his face. He was still wondering why Lucas wanted a disco ball for the party, but couldn’t deny that he was glad they got it, if only for the pretty lights danced across Taeyong’s face, making the other even more ethereal than usual. 

 

“Um, Jaemin said you were looking for me, and you’d be in the kitchen, so…” He stood there awkwardly, trying his best to look away from Taeyong and not give away his true feelings at the moment. His attempt lasted all of two seconds before Jaehyun found himself taking a peek at Taeyong, who was doing the same.

 

They both froze, before letting out a slight chuckle. Jaehyun felt a tiny part of his heart melt away at hearing Taeyong’s laugh. He missed it. 

 

Belatedly, he realized Taeyong was slightly shaking, and - cursing Lucas for how low the other insisted the thermostat be at all times - took his varsity jacket off and draped it over Taeyong’s body. Seeing the dark green of his jacket hang from Taeyong’s body only make Jaehyun turn more warm though, and the slight smile Taeyong sent his way in thanks wasn’t any better for his heart. 

 

Thankfully, their first meeting since Taeyong blew up on him that day wasn’t as awkward as Jaehyun thought it would be, but there was still an uneasy tension between the two that Jaehyun now realized they needed to address. Taeyong seemed to think the same, as Jaehyun saw a look of contemplation in Taeyong’s eyes. 

 

“Look I-”

 

“Taeyong I wanted to-” They both chuckled once again. Taeyong motioned towards Jaehyun. 

 

“You can go first.”

 

Jaehyun exhaled. “Okay, well, I wanted to say sorry you know, for… um… I guess not taking your feelings into consideration when we were… um… fake dating and all that.” He saw Taeyong shake his head as if in disagreement. 

  
  


“You have nothing to apologize for Jaehyun, you were just playing your part in helping me like you said you would.” Taeyong said, biting his lip. Jaehyun’s mind was moving a million miles a minute, as he tried to wrap it around what Taeyong was saying. “I should have realized that before I… blew up on you like I did before… so really I should be the one apologizing. I mean, I’m really grateful you did all that for me, seriously, going above and beyond as the role of a boyfriend even if it may have been a burden to you -”

 

“It wasn’t.” 

 

They both stilled. He could see Taeyong inhale slightly, his eyes trained on Jaehyun, as if daring him to say more. 

 

“Being… your…  boyfriend… was never a burden for me.” He started again, watching cautiously for Taeyong’s reaction. Jaehyun hadn’t meant to say it outloud, but hearing that Taeyong thought this whole ordeal was a burden to Jaehyun made him realize how desperately he needed Taeyong to listen to him, to realize just how wrong his thinking was.

 

Because despite it only being for show, Jaehyun knew that every action he took, everything he did for Taeyong, ever feeling he poured out to the other - they were all genuinely from his heart. It may have started as just a simple curiosity on Jaehyun’s part had turned into the most wondrous two weeks of his life so far. It had been a chance to get to know the enigma that was Lee Taeyong, to learn more about how amazing the other was, and to experience the happiness that he felt when he was with Taeyong. But most importantly, it had only made Jaehyun fall more and more for Taeyong, fall deeper into the love he felt for someone who had so quickly became one of his favorite people in the world.

 

And well, Jaehyun just needed Taeyong to know this all, to know that _no_ , he _wasn’t_ a burden to Jaehyun at all these past two weeks, but was rather a blessing in disguise, but now Jaehyun just had to know if Jaehyun’s action had felt troublesome to Taeyong instead, if by forcing his unwanted love and affection had only made Taeyong uncomfortable or-

 

“I didn’t… I didn’t mind it.” 

 

Jaehyun felt his mind stop, as all his swirling thoughts came to a halt and focused on the words Taeyong had said. _He… he didn’t mind-_

 

“You didn’t… didn’t mind what?” His voice came out in barely a whisper, as he found himself leaning closer to Taeyong, his eyes searching the others for any signs of what he thought. Taeyong was barely looking at him, almost closing in on himself again, but Jaehyun couldn’t let him do that. 

 

Because if what Taeyong meant was anything close to what Jaehyun hoped for, it only was setting a fervent fire of excitement in him, a small door of expectation slowly being pried open. 

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

“I… I didn’t mind that you-”

 

“Hey Jae! We’re gonna do shots for our win, where you at!” Jaehyun had never wanted to throttle Lucas more before in his life, as the last window of getting Taeyong to open up seemed to close the moment they heard Lucas’ loud voice calling for him. Desperately, he tried to ignore the other, but Taeyong was all but pushing out the door.

 

Before Jaehyun could be pushed straight out into the crowds of people, and possibly lose Taeyong forever, he grabbed onto the other’s hands, looking him firmly in the eyes. 

 

“Don’t leave, okay? I want to talk to you. Properly.”

 

Taeyong nodded. Jaehyun wasn’t sure that was a confirmation that he would stay, but he allowed himself to drift out towards the crowd, his eyes still firmly concentrated on Taeyong. It was hard to look away, because if Taeyong didn’t stay around to talk and just left, Jaehyun doubted he would have any more chances to get his feelings across. So he continued to take the other in, watching as Taeyong bit his lip as if embarrassed by Jaehyun’s gaze, the lights dancing across his body as Taeyong huddled himself closer into Jaehyun’s jacket-

 

_Wait._

 

Jaehyun was no stranger to romantic cliches, but while he was a fairly romantic person himself, he never thought that having a love like the one found in cheesy melodramas could realistically ever happen in real life. Except in the time he has known Taeyong, Jaehyun has found himself in almost every possible scenario from the romantic genre. 

 

He got a love letter from an admirer, the epitome of every high school fantasy. He found himself in a fake relationship, only to fall in love for real. They had their big fight, where hidden feelings were revealed and hearts were broken. Even Jaehyun and Taeyong themselves were walking stereotypes straight from any school romance - the jock and the quiet kid, meeting for the first time in the library. 

 

So maybe it came as no surprise that Jaehyun is currently in what has to be the biggest cliche of them all, as he sees his varsity jacket draped over Taeyong’s shoulder. It’s one of the most beautiful scenes of them all, the green complimenting Taeyong so wonderfully. Maybe Jaehyun is just biased, but he doubts any of his other team members jacket receivers could look so perfect in them as Taeyong did right in that moment, a shining star in the middle of Lucas’ kitchen. 

 

He chuckles to himself slightly for a moment. Feeling a slight burst of bravery, he looks up confidently, and calls out to Taeyong. 

 

“I think you look really great in my jacket by the way!” 

 

He turns before he could catch sight of Taeyong’s face. The bravery is gone as soon as it came, replaced with a nervous excitement. If this was really his last chance with Taeyong, the last time Taeyong would ever interact with him, than Jaehyun really hopes he made one good last impression, hopes that in his last words, Taeyong could feel the sincerity of Jaehyun’s feelings, that Jaehyun truly meant it when he said he was falling in love with Taeyong. That even if they returned to mere acquaintances after this, Jaehyun would never regret the time that he dated Taeyong. 

 

He felt a hand grab his arm suddenly, breaking his train of thought and pulling him around. 

 

“What-” Jaehyun hardly gets a word out to Taeyong before he Taeyong’s lips on his, effectively silencing what he was going to say. His eyes flutter close on instinct, allowing him to feel Taeyong’s rapid heartbeat on his chest, a clear answer to Jaehyun’s unspoken confession. 

 

He feels himself smiling, the emotions that had been growing since their first kiss bursting out from him. He wrapped his arms around Taeyong, pulling the other even closer.

 

And at that moment, Jaehyun never wanted to let Taeyong go.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


That night, after hours of talking and even more of kisses, after slowly walking Taeyong home with neither really wanting to separate, and even after spending more time talking on the phone with Taeyong - where few words were exchanged besides slight whispers and the sounds of their breath, Jaehyun realized there was one last thing he needed to do before they started their relationship for real. Sitting at his desk, he pulled out an old stationery set from when he was younger, still barely touched. Pulling out a sheet of light green paper from the stack, he pulled a pen from his drawer and began to write. 

  
  


\--- 

  
  
  
  


_Dear Taeyong,_

 

_Let me start off by saying I have a really big crush on you..._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all so much for everyone who commented, kudoed, and in general read this story! Reading your comments after each chapter always made me so happy! This was one of my longest attempts at fanfiction since I’ve been writing it, but it was one hell of an experience for me, and I hope you all enjoyed it just as much as I did writing it!


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